(katniss/finnick if you squint. an AU in which everyone lives, except for Snow & Coin because i do what i want)
If you had told me at the beginning of the Quarter Quell that I would eventually find the presence of Finnick Odair to be a comfort, I would have laughed in your face.
Or thrown up. I doubt he even would have been offended. Johanna Mason is his best friend, after all. From experience, I’ve learned you get used to vulgarities.
Now? Now it’s nothing to barge into his rooms, unannounced and uninvited. If someone did it to me, I’d probably shoot them. Finnick tenses, but his first defence is an easy smile. His moves casually to slide his bit of rope out of view, before he realises it’s me. He doesn’t bother, and a wave of exhaustion wipes the smile away.
It’s flattering, I guess. More than that, it’s a relief. If he’d been in a bad place he wouldn’t have bothered to hide it from anyone, whether it was me or the President herself. Not that I have any idea what President Paylor would want to see Finnick for.
“And what,” Finnick asks, leaning back on his couch, “did I do to earn a visit from so august a presence?”
My mouth curls. I wrap my arms around my chest, trying for ‘crossed and stubborn’ and probably ending up closer to ‘hugging myself’. I try for words, but I think sometimes that I spent them all on the Mockingjay and her grand, inspiring speeches.
That’s the nice thing about being a war symbol in peace time, I guess. All I have to do these days is stand there and look inspiring. No one expects me to lead anything, or even really do anything. No one really wants me to. I still have to smile, but at least I don’t have to do it with the threat of Snow killing everyone I know and love breathing down my neck.
Lost in my own thoughts, I fail to notice Finnick standing until his hand is pulling on mine. Not that I was ever touchy feely, but he’s one of the few people in the world I’m willing to let get that close. Even Peeta—
But Peeta still has trouble stopping himself from strangling me. Annie’s back in District Four, and Johanna recuperating with her. Neither of them are suited to the work of rebuilding Panem. Hell, most of the time I don’t think Finnick or me are either, but here we are. Gale – I don’t know where Gale is. Sometimes, I can convince myself that I don’t care. And it’s not fair to lay my battered and broken mind on my sister. Prim is still young. I know she has nightmares – we all have nightmares – but I think hers will fade with time.
Finnick rubs his thumb over the patchwork skin of my hand. They won’t fade, but I would have taken worse to keep my sister safe. Without having to think about it, I step closer to him, resting my forehead against his chest. He lets go of my hand, wrapping one arm around me, brushing a kiss over my forehead.
It feels nice. I’m not sure that I’m even allowed to feel nice anymore, but I’ll take what I can, when I can.
I’ve always been selfish.
“Sorry,” I say eventually. I don’t pull away, and neither does he. I do brace myself for the inevitable joke or innuendo, though.
It doesn’t come. “Don’t be.”
And I think of the exhaustion that had swept over him when he realised I was someone he could be safe with, someone he didn’t have to pretend to.
Maybe Finnick is selfish, too.
