Summary: The five times Chirrut says, “I love you,” and the one time Baze does
Rating: G
Genre: Fluff, Angst, Love Confessions, Everyone Lives; Nobody Dies
Words: 1755
A/N: For @katwithacamera, who helped me finally write a 5+1 for this ship >3<
-
AO3
or
I.
Baze had just turned twelve the first time Chirrut uttered the words. It was more choked out between laughter, but it made Baze blush nonetheless.
“What did you say?” Baze blinked, in slight disbelief.
Those words were meant for those utterly devoted to each other, parents and children. Not something between friends.
“You’re so funny, Baze,” Chirrut grinned and the phrase remained in the air. “That’s why I said it. Because you make me laugh.”
It wasn’t the answer Baze was looking for, but at least he received a reply. Baze tried to not dwell on the matter, going back to what he had been doing before he made Chirrut laugh. As much as he wanted to wipe the words from his memory, they swirled around in his head and Baze found his chores passing by faster than usual.
II.
Baze watched with pride as Chirrut proudly showed off his new robes, symbolizing his new standing in the temple. Having passed his own test weeks earlier, Baze was eager to have Chirrut back at his side again and he stayed close. By the time all the younger acolytes were done staring at Chirrut, he and Baze headed into the streets of NiJedha to spend time together.
“You made it,” Baze commented amongst the noise of the market.
Baze grinned, moving out of Chirrut’s arm range. “Of course not. You know I have every faith in you.”
“As I you.”
Baze flushed at the wistful sound of Chirrut’s voice, wishing in that moment he didn’t have to crowd in Chirrut’s space. The crowds of the market were particularly pushy today and Baze grumbled at those who weren’t as polite as others.
“Baze, look!” Chirrut gasped, pointing at a stall with bright fabrics. “They haven’t been here in months.”
Chirrut rushed over, leaving Baze no choice but to sprint after, not surprised when Chirrut had already picked out a cloth.
“It fits well, don’t you think?” Chirrut held up the red piece.
Baze’s mouth twitched at the translucent material, wondering what use Chirrut could make of it and went to pay the vendor.
Ignoring Chirrut’s, “Baze, no,” Baze bought as much as he could afford, pushing the fabric into Chirrut’s hand.
“It’s a gift. You passed your test after all.”
Chirrut’s face broke into a bright grin then and he flung his arms around Baze’s neck, giving it a tight squeeze.
“I love you, Baze Malbus.”
Baze was suddenly transported back to when they were children, Chirrut having said these words before, and the breath left Baze’s body. He tried to think, to make himself speak but Chirrut was already pulling him back into the crowd.
Attempting to regain his footing and mind, Baze could only stare at the back of Chirrut’s head, wondering what it all meant.
III.
“There’s nothing you can do?” Chirrut asked, his tone soft, almost painful.
Baze wanted to look away, but refused to do so until the medic gave Chirrut an answer.
“I’m sorry,” the medic responded. “It’s spread so far, if we did anything now, you might lose more than your sight.”
Chirrut nodded, his fists clenching and Baze felt his doing the same.
This wasn’t fair. Chirrut had been nothing but a good, kind man who didn’t deserve this. If Baze could take the sickness from Chirrut, he would. Instead, he felt useless as he got to his feet and stood near Chirrut.
As Chirrut’s hand reached out, Baze met it halfway, both of them gripping tightly onto each other.
“Thank you for being with me, Baze,” Chirrut’s voice shook. “It means so much to me.”
“I wouldn’t let you go through this alone. I won’t let you,” Baze replied, his own strength wavering with Chirrut’s.
The sigh from Chirrut was heartbreaking and Baze clenched his eyes shut, praying to anything that would listen to him. Amongst his fractured thoughts, Baze heard Chirrut breathe out the all too familiar phrase and Baze’s eyes snapped open.
Chirrut was looking away from him, his grip solid, and Baze could only think of one thing to do. Wrapping an arm around Chirrut, Baze tugged him close, placing a small kiss on Chirrut’s head.
“I’m here for you, whatever you need.”
Feeling Chirrut nod against his chest, Baze’s heart felt like it was going to break and he began humming an old tune, but for Chirrut or himself, he did not know.
IV.
The calls of children asking for Baze and Chirrut echoed in the temple, only matched by the guardians’ attempts to quiet them.
“Well, our audience awaits,” Chirrut grinned at Baze, grabbing his staff and poking Baze with it.
With a groan, Baze got up from his seat, holding out his arm for Chirrut to hold onto. “That’s for helping you find your way, not pestering me.”
“You love it,” Chirrut smiled, nestling his hand in the crook of Baze’s arm before they headed down towards the courtyard.
Baze shook his head with a small smile, taking a moment to look at the man next to him. It had been a few years since Chirrut’s blindness took over, but he held the same joy for life as before. Baze couldn’t understand how Chirrut did it, finding it hard enough to control his own feelings on the matter.
“Are you upset with me? Or did you just shake your head and not tell me?” Chirrut interrupted Baze’s thoughts and Baze pursed his lips.
“Shook my head. I apologize.”
“Ah, well I still love you,” Chirrut practically announced to the whole courtyard and Baze became a reddening mess.
The children giggled at Baze while Chirrut swept out his arms, asking the children what they wanted to do today. By the time Baze had recovered, the children had pulled Baze into whatever game Chirrut had invented now. He wondered if it was truly a game with the amount of times it ended with Chirrut tackling him to the ground, their laughter mixed in with the squeals of delight from the children.
Baze was exhausted by the time evening had come and this time, it was Chirrut helping him back to their room, soft smiles painted on both of their faces.
V.
It was an unusually calm day in NiJedha. Well, as calm as it could be with stormtroopers around every corner.
Yet, with Chirrut’s voice calling out to strangers, the market in a steady rhythm, Baze allowed himself this one moment. Sitting close to Chirrut, Baze scanned the area, letting his gaze fall on Chirrut a handful of times.
He held back his laughter when Chirrut got sarcastic and glared at those who waved away Chirrut’s offerings. While he found much of this silly, it kept Chirrut’s hopes up and that’s all that mattered to Baze.
When they finally finished for the day, they collected the scarce amount of credits they had earned, sighing when they reached the confines of their rundown place.
“Tea?” Chirrut asked as Baze removed his armor.
“I suppose.”
Their days filled with chatter were now silent, so many words painful to say and hear. All of it seemed to bring back unwanted memories and Baze took to staring out the window in hopes of keeping the dark thoughts at bay.
“I love you,” Chirrut spoke through Baze’s fog and it caused Baze to jump a little. “I know phrases like that must mean little to you now. The world feels like it’s coming to an end. But I mean it. I hope you know.”
Baze wanted to cry, hearing Chirrut so tired and broken. Moving from the window, Baze wrapped up Chirrut in a hug from behind, resting his forehead on Chirrut’s back.
“I still have you, I’m thankful for that,” Chirrut whispered, his hand falling on top of Baze’s.
Baze nodded, pulling back to allow Chirrut to turn in his arms and pull him into a kiss. For the first time in a while, the evening sun felt warm. Baze wished that he and Chirrut could stay like this, in each other’s arms for eternity.
Then, maybe then, could he find strength to say the words back.
VI.
“Baze...Baze!”
Snapping his head up, Baze stared around to regain his sense of where he was. Having been caught up in old memories, Baze stared at Cassian, who seemed impatient at best.
“He’s awake.”
Without hesitation, Baze shot out of his spot and into Chirrut’s room, staring wide-eyed at the sight before him. While scars ran all along Chirrut’s face, his grin was bright and eager, as if Scarif had never happened. Rushing over, Baze pulled Chirrut into a hug, the tears already beginning to fall from his eyes.
He had almost lost Chirrut and to have him alive, flailing in his arms felt almost unreal.
“Baze, too tight,” Chirrut managed to gasp out.
Though Baze was sure Chirrut was teasing, he pulled back, his hands holding onto Chirrut’s arms.
“I thought I was going to lose you,” Baze spoke through his tears. “I didn’t…”
“Baze, I’m okay,” Chirrut gently edged in, smiling up at Baze. “We’re okay.”
Wiping away some of his tears, Baze nodded and stared into Chirrut’s eyes. The intensity of Chirrut’s stare, the sudden shock coursing through Baze’s body, it was all too much and not enough.
“I love you,” Baze said with absolution.
Chirrut seemed taken aback, his face going through such a flurry of emotions, Baze didn’t know if he would ever settle on one expression.
“Promise me you’ll say that every day from now own,” Chirrut’s tone was attempting to be serious, but Baze could see the hint of a smile threatening its way onto his face.
“Of course,” Baze nodded, wishing he had said it from the first moment Chirrut had.
Chirrut’s serious facade broke in that moment and he laughed, reaching up to hold Baze’s face in his hands. “I’ve always known you’ve loved me, but hearing it...Baze, you really are an amazing man.”
Baze wasn’t sure he was worth this compliment but he allowed the corners of his mouth to turn up, leaning into Chirrut’s touch.
Chirrut then began speaking rapidly, recounting their childhood together amongst other memories and Baze nodded along with each of Chirrut’s stories. No longer did they bring with them the longing for the past, but instead, there was a sense of renewal.
Baze was ready to start again with Chirrut at his side and words that would no longer go unspoken.
katwithacamera said: $23,000 was billed to your insurance?! I can't even fathom that. Do you pay a lot for insurance?
ERs are EXPENSIVE. That’s why you should only go to them in an emergency. And for me it felt like an emergency so I went. It was the smart choice, but ugh. It’s crazy. I pay um - $50 per paycheck for my health insurance. That’s about $100 per month. Health insurance is also expensive, but it obviously came in handy since I paid a fraction of the total bill!
Sent you $20 via PayPal! It's not much, but I wanted to help out! :) It'll show up as Katherine Witze in PayPal, but if you're still making the board, could you use my username instead? Take care, and have an awesome day! <3
Absolutely thank you very much that is so sweet of you I’ll make sure when I set up the board I give you your own special slot <3
