sci-fi version of "the music man" goes wrong
this is not how the actual romance novel based on "the warrior's apprentice" goes, because it is far too easy and does not force any hard choices on anyone BUT it's like. kind of a whole short story speedrunning the major plot beats via the power of sasha's idiosyncratic reactions to drugs and him and jaz being immediately attracted to each other.
(it also cuts out the wonderful improvised bullshit of taking over the mercenary group from the inside, which i think is really fundamental to jaz being able to actually agree to marry sasha after a whirlwind romance. if they spend that three months merrily fucking instead of yes-and'ing each other into solving a planetary conflict, i think jaz regretfully goes zeir way at the end of the adventure and then sasha spends several months/years wondering why things were briefly less bad before becoming his father mopey)
ANYWAY here is approximately 14k of an alternate first meeting of a slightly more comfortably bisexual miles vorkosigan expy seducing his way into taking over a mercenary ship.
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Jaz was on zeir way back to the bridge when zeir com went off in walkie mode. "Arroyo," Ruchs's voice barked through the speaker, "get down to the shuttle bay to meet us. I've got a prisoner I need you to interrogate."
Jaz fumbled zeir com, and had to scramble to recover it. Ze responded, "Yes, sir," then closed the connection. "What the hell?" ze muttered, changing course. Ze buzzed Nakamura as ze started making zeir way to the shuttle bay instead of the bridge.
Nakamura's response was staticky, as if his com was far away from him. "What's up, Lieutenant?"
"Finish up whatever you're tinkering with and get to the bridge," Jaz said. "I need you to take the conn."
"Aw, do I have to?" Nakamura asked. Before Jaz could even say anything about the woefully casual response, he said, "I mean, yes, sir, acknowledged. Is the boarding party not coming back soon or--oh, I guess they are."
"Captain asked me to meet him," Jaz said. "Which is why you're at the conn."
"Yes, sir," Nakamura said, now sounding appropriately professional. "Nakamura out."
Ze passed him in the hall a few minutes later, coming out of the shuttle bay as ze entered. He looked spooked, so Jaz guessed he'd heard something from the boarding team.
The boarding team was unloading bodies from the shuttle. For a moment, Jaz wondered why the fuck they had killed people and then brought the bodies back, but even Ruchs wasn't that stupid; they were cuffed and unconscious. There were five of them: two women and three men. One of the women was very tall, while one of the men was quite short. They were all dressed in the kind of cheap clothes sold at spaceports everywhere, the kind that wouldn't stand out on a strange planet or be too much in the way if the gravity went out. The short man's pants and sleeves were rolled up several times to fit his short limbs.
As Jaz approached, Ruchs looked up at zem. "Here," he said, nudging the short man with his shoe, "the midget's got your pervert earrings, so you take him. He and his little lady squad tried to take us out, and they did a damn sight better job than I'd expect smugglers to. Find out what he knows, I already dosed him with penta."
Jaz glanced at the small man's arms to see one of his sleeves was rolled up a little more to expose a forearm, and there was a red blotch where a test patch had torn out some of his arm hair. At least Ruchs hadn't cut that corner, ze thought, but for fuck's sake, jumping right to penta? For, what, five people?
"Don't look at me like that," Ruchs snapped. "I only dosed him and the Pasien woman, the rest of them looked to him for orders. You'll have to do it in your room, though, we don't have enough cells in the brig."
"You want me to take a drugged prisoner to my private quarters?" Jaz asked. Ze added belatedly, "Sir."
"You can take him wherever you fucking want," Ruchs said, "as long as it's not the brig. I want them in separate rooms."
Jaz rolled zeir eyes and scooped up the little man. He was heavier than he looked, but Jaz didn't stop to adjust how ze was carrying him until ze was out of sight of Ruchs. "Sorry," ze muttered, although the little man was still out from the stunner. At least, ze hoped it was from the stunner; the penta might wear off if ze had to wait for him to regain consciousness from head trauma, and God only knew if Ruchs knew enough to avoid that.
Some of the weight seemed to be from a brace on his leg, but mostly the little man was just much more muscular than Jaz anticipated. He smelled good, too, and ze'd gotten a good enough look at his earrings to know he was pan and not not-looking. Inconvenient, to find an enemy or prisoner attractive, but ze figured it would be easy enough to ignore. For all ze knew, the small man had a grating voice or worked for the Cache-in syndicates.
Jaz reached zeir quarters and got the door open with little trouble, but then was faced with the problem of putting him down gently. Ze ended up shoving aside the stuff on zeir table and laying him down on that before transferring him to one of the chairs.
The chairs were not designed for restraining people, but the Fleet-issued cuffs were, and even with the man's shorter arms, Jaz got him secured and hopefully not too uncomfortable. His feet didn't quite reach the floor, which Jaz probably shouldn't have found cute.
He was handsome, too, on top of smelling good. His earrings were the bare minimum, and it looked as though he hadn't depilated recently, with a rasp of dark stubble on the lower half of his face. His shoulders seemed uneven and he was wearing that brace on one of his legs, although he wasn't quite proportioned like most of the other little people Jaz had known. Jaz wondered if that was because little people were rare even on Gnilles, or if it spoke to him having another condition.
He started stirring as Jaz was finishing up with his cuffs, so thankfully it seemed like only a heavy stun. Jaz pulled zeir other chair out of kicking range and sat down across from him.
The small man blinked a few times, probably trying to convince his eyes to stay open. He looked up at Jaz, then took stock of his surroundings and flexed his arms. "I've had worse dreams," he said. His voice was not grating; it was startlingly deep, and inconveniently very hot. Looking back at Jaz, he went on, "God, you're sexy." At that, he frowned for a moment, then looked enlightened and said, "Oh, I've been drugged." Then he started to laugh.
At least he knew he'd been drugged. He wasn't entirely addled, then. Still, Jaz frowned. "What's so funny about waking up drugged?" ze asked him.
"It's useless," the small man said, grinning at zem. "I have weird reactions to almost every drug. One of my many gifts. Oh, look at your earrings!" Jaz had half zeir earrings in common with him--the pan and not not-looking ones--with the others being zeir pronouns, obviously, plus a set advertising how much ze liked sucking dick. "I'd love to suck your cock," the small man said, then made a face. "A pentathol derivative, I take it? I'm usually somewhat more able to keep thoughts to myself."
"That's what my captain said," Jaz confirmed. "And you didn't have an allergy, according to the test patch."
"Like I said, one of the many gifts of being me," the small man said with a shrug. "I asked Uncle Ivan if I could get the allergy induced, to avoid this situation, but he told me that would be a stupid way to die. It would be, but this feels like a pretty stupid way to live at the moment. You're really unfairly attractive, I don't see how you could possibly interrogate me when every other thing I say is apparently going to be about how magnificent your tits are."
Jaz sighed. "Yeah, neither do I," ze said. Not like ze knew how to conduct an interrogation anyway, outside of the obvious and ineffective threats. Ze sort of knew how pentathol interrogations worked, but that was enough to know it was a skill. One ze had never studied. "Listen," Jaz asked the small man, "what's your name?"
"Alex Patrero," he said. "But call me Sasha, please, I'd rather hear you call me that. Although really I'd enjoy hearing you say anything, I think, since your voice is just as beautiful as the rest of you."
"Sasha," Jaz said, and the man in question grinned eagerly. "Are you sure this isn't a dangerous reaction to penta?"
"Just annoying," Sasha said. "Probably more annoying for you than for me, although I said some very embarrassing things the first time someone put me under. Pretty much the same things I'm saying to you, although he wasn't half as hot as you are and it had been a lot less time since I'd gotten laid, so in hindsight, I think that's more embarrassing." He shrugged again as he went on, "But I'm not immune to older men in positions of authority and no one should expect me to be. The worst part is, I can kind of control it; I could probably lie to you, but I'm sure I'd get distracted halfway through and offer to suck you off again."
It was very difficult for Jaz not to laugh. "I'm not sure you made it all the way to offering to suck me off before," ze said, "so I don't see how it could be 'again' already. Why'd you come to Greenhome, Sasha?"
"Mostly to save the EM," Sasha said, which was the model of the freighter he'd come into the system on, "but partially because I needed to get away from Gnilles before Vasquez realized the land I sold him was worthless." Well, Sasha certainly had the meandering thoughts penta was supposed to induce, but he went on too quickly for Jaz to try and redirect him. "It's much more difficult to make a profit in a hurry than I assumed it would be," he said. "The only thing that seemed like it would work was a high-risk high-reward job like this one, but evidently that wasn't a good gamble. To be clear, I would suck you off as many times as you wanted. I'm small enough I could just live under your desk with your cock in my mouth." He made another pained face. "That's one of the stupidest things I've ever suggested to anyone and I'm probably going to be jerking off about it for weeks. Christ."
Now, it was impossible for Jaz not to laugh. "Be a bit of a waste," ze said, still smiling, as ze flicked zeir ear. "Not that I'd object to oral on demand, but I typically picture it the other way around."
"It feels more presumptuous to suggest that," Sasha said, "although I certainly wouldn't protest. I don't think my size would let me 69 with most people, which I never especially regretted until this moment."
"Pretty nice when you can manage it," Jaz said, "but kind of a logistical problem, yeah. If you're just smuggling, why'd you try to fight the boarding party?"
"Because your captain's a sexist pig who insulted my sister," Sasha said. He made a thoughtful face after that statement. "Sister is an over-simplification that I don't usually use," he said. "That's interesting."
Jaz held back a sigh. "That unfortunately tracks," ze said.
"He's kind of a bully," Sasha told zem. "I assume you don't have much of a choice, as a mercenary, but I don't think I could take two weeks of serving under that man before arranging a mutiny."
Jaz had been Captain Ruchs's XO for nine months. Ze was certainly tempted, some days, but Ruchs owned the Stolas and Admiral Tian would never let zem get away with it. A pity, since Jaz knew ze'd be a better captain than Ruchs. Hell, a monkey would be a better captain than Ruchs. At least a monkey would let zem do zeir job. Jaz said, "No comment."
Sasha laughed. "And you're funny, too," he said. "Of course you are. Why couldn't we have met on Gnilles? Not that I would have ever been able to get up the nerve to speak to you. Rushing into dangerous situations against superior forces is easy, talking to the most beautiful ambi I've ever seen would be impossible if I wasn't drugged." He wrinkled his nose. "That sounds rather more pathetic than I meant it to. It's just that I suspect my brain would shut off around you even if I wasn't drugged."
"Oh, I don't think that would have been a problem," Jaz said, smiling. "If you weren't a prisoner, I would gladly have gone to my knees in front of you the first time you said something. Or at least," ze rolled zeir eyes, "I would've if we were back home. You know how weird galactics get about sex."
Sasha laughed again. "Do I ever," he said. "But you don't have to flatter me. In fact, it's probably counter-productive, considering how now I can't stop thinking about what you'd look like with my cock in your mouth."
It was Jaz who laughed this time. "I'm not flattering you," ze said. "Although you're right, mentioning that I also find you attractive isn't going to help either of us. Honestly, it sounds like the captain was overreacting to you being understandably offended by him being his usual self." Although he had said something about one of them being a Pasien, hadn't he? Ze frowned and added, "Unless you really did have a Pasien woman with you."
"We did," Sasha said at once. "She's really not very good at pretending not to be, I had to remind her to take off her uniform jacket before we were boarded. I don't see how that's useful information, though, you already know we were smuggling, and I don't think your Nylians would have to bother. If you think interrogating me is a waste of time, I would really like to see you naked."
It was so difficult to keep a hold of any measure of professionalism when he just kept saying things like that. Jaz purred, "I know you would," then had to struggle with zemself to stop flirting. "But, ah, you are kind of my prisoner right now," ze said. "So that isn't in the cards, I'm afraid."
"Displaying strong moral fiber doesn't make you less attractive," Sasha said. He looked so earnest about it, too. His eyes were a dark brown that Jaz could easily find zemself lost in. "I just thought if interrogating me is a waste of time, we've established there are other things we could be doing instead."
"I hope to God Captain Ruchs would find me fucking a prisoner while I'm supposed to be interrogating them unacceptable," Jaz said. "Any decent commander would." Sasha grinned at zem. "Did he take your com?" ze asked.
He looked thoughtful. "I'm not sure," he said. "I was unconscious for a bit, you know." He jiggled his legs, first the right, then the left. "I don't think so? It feels like it's still in my pocket. Why? I'm not stupid enough to leave anything incriminating on it." Jaz leaned over and slipped zeir hand into his trouser pocket to fish his com out. Sasha froze, then sighed. "You even smell good," he said, leaning in closer.
"Good," Jaz said. Fuck, resisting someone from home who really wanted to fuck zem was difficult. "So I thought," ze murmured, "assuming we both make it back to Gnilles some day, I'd give you my code."
"Fuck," Sasha breathed, "you're serious."
"Why wouldn't I be?" Jaz asked. His com was locked. Jaz probably could have gotten him to unlock it for zem, but then ze'd feel obligated to snoop through it in case he was stupid enough to leave something incriminating on it. That was probably rude if you were serious about hooking up later. Instead, ze leaned back to pull zeir own com out of zeir pocket, then opened it up to transmit a contact request. That popped up on Sasha's com to accept or reject without needing to be unlocked, so Jaz accepted it for him, before leaning over once more to slip his com back into his pocket. "There," ze said, patting the com through his trouser pocket.
"Are you really sure I can't at least offer you a blowjob?" Sasha asked, breathlessly. "I won't tell if you won't. Helen could hardly blame you, she knows how I react to drugs, she'd believe me about being too attracted to you to focus on being interrogated."
Jaz forced zemself to lean back again, out of easy touching distance. "Is that your sister who's too complicated to actually be your sister?" ze asked.
He nodded. "She's officially my bodyguard right now, but she has a room at my grandma's place in the Buckeye sector and calls my mom her aunt," he said. "I'd like to say she'd like you, but I doubt I'm thinking clearly enough to make that call."
"Probably not," Jaz agreed, grinning. "If she's supposed to be your bodyguard, she probably wouldn't be predisposed to like me at the moment."
"She knows not to hold people's orders against them," Sasha said. "You know, I'm starting to wonder if penta doesn't just break down my filters and inhibitions but actually has an aphrodisiac effect on me, because I am embarrassingly close to an erection just from looking at and talking to you. God, I wish I could have held that one in," he said, cringing.
Jaz smiled. "And here I didn't even tell you to check my socials the next time you're home," ze said.
"Oh?" Sasha asked.
"Well," Jaz said, leaning back in zeir chair in a way that ze knew thrust zeir chest out, "I've got a lot of sexy pictures you'd be able to access with my code saved in your com."
Sasha growled, "I bet you do," and forget idiosyncratic reactions to penta, Jaz was about to have a visible erection just from the way he looked at zem. Fuck.
Jaz attempted to rally and figure out if there was anything else ze could ask that stood a chance of being useful to Ruchs, but ze couldn't hang on to any thoughts--outside of how much ze really wanted to climb onto Sasha's lap--for long enough to form a question.
Zeir com buzzed. Since it was already in zeir hand, Jaz flipped it open. "Arroyo here," ze said.
"Lieutenant," came Nakamura's voice, "have you heard from the boarding party since you left the shuttle bay?"
"No," Jaz said. "Why?"
"I just got a weird alert from Captain Ruchs," Nakamura said, "but he didn't answer when I tried to call him. So I tried Vane, and his com was offline. I was going to try Nicholson next, but I thought I should let you know."
What the hell? Four stunned and cuffed prisoners shouldn't have been a problem for Ruchs and the away team, especially once they had them in the brig. Ze frowned at Sasha, who was flushed and biting his lip, looking at Jaz like being cuffed to a chair was the only thing keeping him from ripping zeir clothes off. Ze had a really hard time believing that reaction was faked. Although on the other hand, he had told zem outright he thought he could still lie to zem.
"It's probably nothing," Jaz told Nakamura over the com, "but seal the bridge. I'll check it out."
"Yes, sir," Nakamura said, sounding relieved.
"Arroyo out," ze said, then closed the call. Ze looked at Sasha for a moment, who had barely reacted to hearing Jaz tell Nakamura to seal the bridge. Was anyone capable of doing that good a job acting while on penta, even with a weird reaction to it? He was having trouble keeping things to himself, and wandering thoughts. That couldn't be conducive to maintaining covers. "Our boarding party seems to be having comms trouble," ze said. "You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
"I'm not sure I know anything right now," Sasha said, which was fair on the one hand, but also obviously untrue. "Except I would wager money that your captain underestimated my crew's combat abilities, since they're half women, and is about to get bit in the ass. Not literally," he added. "He should be so lucky; I don't even find Firuze that attractive but if she suggested I let her hurt me recreationally, I'd say yes."
"I think you're probably right about penta getting you worked up," Jaz said, bemused. Ze indulged zemself with a theatrical sigh. "And here I thought you found me particularly irresistible."
"Oh, I do," Sasha assured zem, "but I'm honestly as susceptible to older women in positions of authority as older men. Funnily enough, that probably is genetic, considering Father's past." He frowned. "Oh, that's very much not my business to tell."
Jaz chuckled. "I am far less interested in your dad's kinks than in yours," ze said. "Are you sure you're not in any danger from penta? I can't take you with me like this."
"As sure as I can be of my reaction to any drug," Sasha said with another shrug. "So not entirely. But this chair isn't bolted in place, and I could probably break some of my bones trying to escape. I don't mean this in a horny way, except now I've said it I kind of do, but you should probably tie me to the bed." He frowned again. "Should I have told you that, considering I have a duty to escape?" he asked. "Though I suppose my doctors would be glad I'm thinking of my bone health finally."
"You are a truly fascinating person," Jaz said, kneeling next to him to adjust the cuffs. "Especially considering you obviously are managing to keep things from me."
"It really would have been better for your pig captain to interrogate me," Sasha said easily enough. "It's not hard to keep myself distracted with you here. But I haven't lied, either!" He grinned. "Eh, this resisting interrogation stuff is easier than they said it would be."
"I'm also not a trained interrogator," Jaz said, but couldn't help smiling. Ze led him over to the bed, and didn't even have to push him to lay down upon it. "Is the weird drug reaction thing related to the ease of breaking your bones?" ze asked, pulling his arms over his head.
"If you had any interest in experimental medical treatments you'd probably know exactly who I am already," Sasha told zem. "Grandma introduced me to an old med school friend once and he got so excited he sounded like--well, like me right now, really. Less horny about it, but not entirely? I assume you know how scientists get. But yes, they're both because of the same incident. It's also why I'm so short and already have more artificial joints than my grandmother. You know, somehow I doubt attachment points come standard with the bunks on Tynnier corvettes."
"Well, you never know when you're going to have to tie a prisoner to your bed while you deal with his friends possibly breaking out of the brig," Jaz said. Ze had to lean over him to attach his other wrist to the headboard, and was a little surprised Sasha didn't try to lean up into zeir boobs. Ze told zemself ze wasn't disappointed. "It's not like I've been picking people up while we're on blockade duty."
"You are literally tying someone willing to fix that to your bed right now," Sasha said. "Just saying."
"You've got my code, babe," Jaz said, patting his cheek. Sasha turned to kiss zeir palm, which made Jaz's stomach flutter. "Not fair," ze muttered.
"The most beautiful ambi I've ever seen is tying me to zeir bed so ze can leave me," Sasha said, fixing zem with a credibly doleful look. "Don't talk to me about fairness. It would be so, so easy for you to sit on my face right now."
"Not sure what it says that your rapid switching from sweet compliments to filthy suggestions is really doing something to me," Jaz said. Ze crossed over to zeir wardrobe to grab zeir set of Fleet-issued cuffs. Ze had some in the bedside table, of course, but those were sex toys and as such, designed to be escapable in an emergency. Jaz would really rather at least try to keep control of the situation, which meant not making it easy for zeir sexy prisoner to escape.
"That not filtering my thoughts is a more successful strategy than I would have thought?" Sasha suggested. "Or possibly that you're a slut. God, sorry, that was rude."
"I hardly think you meant it in a negative way," Jaz said, returning to the bed with zeir cuffs. "And you know, it's actually much harder to be a slut as an ambi out in the galaxy. I mean, if you don't want to fuck chasers."
"Awful," Sasha said. "A terrible tragedy. You should have a smorgasbord of dicks to suck at your leisure. You are also welcome to have your way with me right now."
"You've made that very clear, Sasha," Jaz said. Ze went to attach the cuff to the attachment point at the foot of the bed, and ran into a problem: Sasha was much shorter than Jaz had set up the attachment points for. Ze glanced up at him, and was not overly surprised to see his trousers did have a bit of a tent in them now. God, he was tempting. Ze said, "I want you to know this is not an indication I'm going to fuck you right now after all, this is problem solving." Ze crawled over to the head of the bed to open up zeir bondage supply drawer.
"Sorry, what other kind of problem are you solving with condoms or sex toys?" Sasha asked, craning his head up in an attempt to see what Jaz was doing. "Oh, wait. The cuffs don't reach, do they? You know, that's not an obstacle I've run into before. Then again, this is the most real-world bondage experience I've ever had, and it isn't really, so."
"Really?" Jaz asked, pulling out a length of chain and considering it. "With your weakness for older authority figures? That's a shame."
"I know!" Sasha exclaimed. "Of course, I do feel like it would be hard to trust anyone who was too eager to tie me up to be interested for the right reasons. It's probably not as common as for you, of course, but still: chasers."
"It really shouldn't be so much to ask to be actually desired instead of fetishized," Jaz said. "I think I'm going to have to move you, sorry."
"Oh no, how terrible," Sasha said. "More time in proximity, with your hands on me. What will I do? How will I live? Can I get through it without embarrassing myself? Hm, that last one was less of a joke than I thought it was going to be."
Jaz stood up and detached one of Sasha's wrists from the bed. Threading the chain through it was simple enough. Then, of course, ze had to get his other wrist, so ze knelt on the bed and leaned over him to get it. This time, Sasha did stretch upward to nose at the hem of Jaz's shirt. Jaz nearly dropped the chain and narrowly avoided toppling over on top of him. "As nice as it is that you're so hot for me," Jaz said, "I am trying to work."
"I won't insult us both by offering you an insincere apology," Sasha said, smoldering up at zem.
"You're a menace," Jaz said. Ze unhooked his other wrist, pulled it over to the center of the bed, and threaded the chain through the larger anchor point ze had installed for not quite exactly this use. Ze reattached the cuffs to each other, and said, "There. That gets us a good foot of extra play. Scoot down the bed for me? Please?"
"God," Sasha groaned. "I'm lucky you didn't take that tone earlier."
"I'll have to keep it in mind if the penta hasn't worn off by the time I get back," Jaz said, grinning, as Sasha obediently scooted down the bed until the chain was nearly taut. "Do you need me to move the pillow down, too?"
"It's not exactly my dearest wish at the moment," Sasha said, breathlessly, "but I wouldn't turn it down."
Jaz rolled zeir eyes, and adjusted the pillow so it was again beneath Sasha's head. Ze moved back down to the foot of the bed, now able to attach the cuffs on his ankles to the bed.
"Before you go?" Sasha said, as Jaz turned away. "I know it won't sound like it but I swear this isn't for pervert reasons, at least not entirely, damnation but it would be nice to keep literally anything to myself, but could you undo my trousers? I didn't choose them for how comfortable they'd be to have an erection in, and they're only going to get more painful from here."
Jaz had been attempting to avoid looking directly at the tent in Sasha's pants. A glance revealed he was either quite hard already, or well-endowed. "Really?" ze asked. "You're going to get more turned on after I leave?"
"I'm tied to your bed and it smells like you," Sasha said. He was wide-eyed and looked perfectly sincere. "Frankly at this point I'll be relieved if I haven't come in my pants before you get back. I would much rather come with or because of you, but I'd prefer you being here to not, and you watching me come would still be pretty nice." He paused. "That is legitimately something I didn't know I'd be into until I said it."
"You are not making this easy," Jaz said. Ze considered whether adjusting zeir own dick would make things worse or better at this point, and decided against it. Ze went back to the side of the bed and attempted to be business-like and efficient about unzipping Sasha's pants. Ze failed, of course, but in zeir defense ze hadn't been prepared for Sasha's cock to spring out of his opened trousers like that.
Sasha whimpered as his cock was freed. "Okay, thank you," he said. His eyes were screwed tight and he was now quite red in the face. "If you could leave now, I'd appreciate it. That or fuck me. Your call. God, but I would like you to fuck me."
"Jesus, no wonder you needed your pants undone," Jaz said, barely listening to him. "Where the hell were you hiding that?"
Sasha laughed. "I would expect you to know dicks are typically smaller when not erect," he said. "Men in my family are usually at least six feet tall, and since there are no bones to collapse under their own weight in my dick, it developed just fine under the assumption I was supposed to be twice this size. Honestly the one real boon of my condition, since it would be a respectable but unremarkable dick for a man of six feet."
"Sweetheart, I'm just shy of six feet and my dick isn't that big," Jaz said.
"Yes, well," Sasha said. "You're not a man."
"True," Jaz said. Despite what porn would have one believe, most ambis were on the average-to-small side in the dick department. Jaz had certainly known ambis with smaller cocks than zem, but all of the cis men ze'd been with had been bigger than zem. Ze reached out and ran zeir fingers down the outline of Sasha's cock in his briefs.
His hips jerked at zeir touch. "God, please," he said. "Although if you're actually going to touch me I would really like it if you pulled my underwear out of the way."
"I shouldn't," Jaz said, although the reason didn't come directly to mind.
Sasha laughed. "Well, I suppose I did say you could have your way with me," he said, sounding strained. His cock was still getting harder beneath Jaz's fingers. That wasn't even his full size, God.
"I really didn't picture leaving your underwear on," Jaz said. Ze wrapped zeir hand around the base of his cock. "I mean, they're not even sexy." They weren't unattractive, only plain black knit briefs. Jaz owned similar pairs.
"Unfortunately I didn't dress in anticipation of meeting you," Sasha said, his breath hitching as Jaz knelt on the bed next to him.
Jaz smiled. Ze tugged Sasha's trousers a bit more out of the way with zeir free hand as ze asked, "What would that have looked like?"
"Less," Sasha said promptly, making Jaz laugh. "Since I didn't pack any lingerie or uniforms. You are being such a tease right now, I wish I was more upset about it."
Jaz squeezed his cock, gently. "Now why," ze asked, half of zeir brain devoted to thinking how good his cock would feel good inside zem, "would you assume a uniform would work for me?" Did ze have any condoms bigger than zeir size? Ze surely wouldn't have thrown them out just because it had been more than a year since ze got laid.
"You're a Gnillesian who joined a paramilitary organization voluntarily," Sasha said, "and you don't appear to be a fascist, so." Jaz chuckled. "Uniform kink seemed like a safe bet."
"All right," ze said, smiling, "fair enough." It wasn't like he was wrong, after all; the Tian Fleet uniforms weren't the reason ze'd joined, but they didn't hurt. And ze had disqualified more than one outfit from consideration because ze didn't want to wear their uniforms. Jaz bent down to mouth at Sasha's clothed erection.
"Oh, God," Sasha yelped, hips jerking up, "that's not what I expected you to start with but I'm not complaining, fuck, God, that's good!"
Jaz pulled back enough that zeir lips would still brush against the head of Sasha's cock as they spoke. "You had a point about how much of a tease I was being," ze said. "Thought you might appreciate it."
"I do, I very much do," Sasha said. "I don't think I've ever appreciated anything more."
Jaz swung one leg over Sasha's, so ze was straddling him, then tugged his trousers and briefs further down his hips. He was a hairy man, which Jaz might have guessed from his arms. He had a full if clearly groomed bush, hairy thighs, and a trail of hair heading up from his cock to under his shirt. Jaz shoved his shirt up to confirm that his stomach was also fuzzy before bending down to kiss it. That happened to press zeir tits against Sasha's cock.
"Oh, God, please, yes," Sasha panted, rubbing up against zem. "That's so good, yes, God."
Jaz wondered if he was this vocal during sex normally. Presumably not, since it sounded so much like his other babbling. That was rather a shame; Jaz liked having so much enthusiastic feedback. Ze reached down to fondle his cock with one hand while ze used the other to yank open zeir uniform top. Ze smeared his cock between zeir tits while kissing his stomach again. After a few moments, ze sat up and stripped zeir top off completely.
"You are really preposterously, unbelievably hot," Sasha said. "Are you seriously wearing that under your uniform? I thought you said you weren't picking anyone up on blockade duty. You look ready to seduce at a moment's notice."
"I wear a uniform all day, every day," Jaz said, dropping zeir top off the side of the bed. Most of zeir lingerie was functional, so ze could wear it under zeir uniform. This bra had two part cups that provided an acceptable amount of support while playing peek-a-boo with zeir nipples, as well as an additional set of straps defining the top swell of zeir breasts. It wouldn't have been zeir first choice for combat, but for around the ship it was fine. "A runt's got to feel sexy somehow," ze said, dropping onto zeir hands to crawl up the bed and settle on him chest to chest.
"Not to argue against lingerie as daily underwear," Sasha said, looking at zem like he had never seen anything so appealing, "because I am very in favor of it, but have you considered looking in a mirror? Just a suggestion on how you could feel sexy."
Jaz laughed. Ze brushed a thumb over Sasha's mouth, leading him to part his lips. His cock twitched against Jaz's lower stomach as Jaz leaned in to kiss him.
He was a little over-eager, which wasn't the worst reason to be a sloppy kisser. He groaned into Jaz's mouth. Ze briefly wondered why he wasn't touching zem back, before ze realized ze was a dumbass and he was still tied up. Jaz had to pull back from kissing him to look up and see how to unfasten his cuffs.
Initially, Sasha grumbled, "Why'd you stop?" but when Jaz had to stretch up to get the cuffs, it put zeir breasts right in his face. "God, never mind," he said, nuzzling into them. He used his nose to pull the lower part of one bra cup down, then sucked Jaz's nipple right into his mouth.
Jaz fumbled the cuffs. "I mean, I'm trying to uncuff you," ze breathed, but it felt too good to really complain. Sasha hummed something that might have been words, if his mouth wasn't full. Jaz forced zemself to concentrate. Ze only managed to get the cuffs unhooked from each other before Sasha tugged his hands free and got them both on Jaz's breasts, trailing the chain that had connected them over his own head.
Jaz had to sit up to grab the wrist with the chain still attached long enough to separate them. Sasha took the opportunity to pull the other lower cup of Jaz's bra down. "God, you're perfect," Sasha said. He pinched Jaz's nipple. "Although I half-expected piercings. That's not a complaint, mind you, it just seemed like a possibility."
"I won't say I haven't thought about it," Jaz said, zeir eyes drifting shut against zeir will. Ze had to make an effort in order to finish detaching the chain from Sasha's cuff, and then it was already halfway there, so ze went ahead and removed the cuff entirely. Ze shoved the chain and cuff off the mattress, then let Sasha pull zem back down on top of him.
With zeir tits in his face like that, their cocks lined up, and Jaz was happy to roll zeir hips to grind them together while Sasha played with zeir tits. He still occasionally made noises that might have been muffled words, but considering he always had one or both of Jaz's breasts in his mouth, ze couldn't understand him.
After several minutes, Sasha turned his head to the side, so he wouldn't be so muffled, and said, "Your trousers aren't exactly the most comfortable thing to have rubbing on my dick, darling."
"Oh!" Jaz sat up to unzip and shove them down. Then, seeing as ze was already undressing, ze got up on zeir knees and shimmied out of both trousers and panties. As cute as matching underwear sets were, most panties were not designed with dicks in mind. They fit well enough when Jaz was flaccid and could nestle zeir dick down between zeir labia, but they stopped being at all useful when ze was hard, let alone totally erect.
"You are literally so beautiful," Sasha said. As Jaz pushed off zeir boots so ze could get out of zeir trousers, he set his hands on zeir hips. "I hope you're not getting tired of hearing that because it's probably a good half of my thoughts right now," he went on. "Although now's as good a time as any to ask your name. I mean, I assume Arroyo is your family name, and as grateful as I am to your family for creating you--"
"Jaz," ze said, laughing. "My name's Jaz." Ze kicked zeir trousers off one leg, shifted zeir weight to try and get them off the other leg, then gave up when that didn't immediately work. Ze had free leg movement and access to zeir junk, that was what mattered. Sasha seemed to agree, since almost as soon as Jaz stopped wriggling he had a hand on zeir cock.
"Jaz," he said, so tenderly it almost hurt to hear. "Jaz, you're so gorgeous." He traced his fingers down and up zeir cock. "I can't decide how I want you most, I'm desperate to get my mouth on you but I can't stop thinking about how good you'd feel fucking my ass."
"And here I was, thinking I'd be at a disadvantage with no flagging earrings to work from," Jaz said. Ze jerked forward into his touch, and Sasha's other hand slipped between zeir legs to play with zeir cunt.
"Mm, compulsively blurting out my thoughts does seem to have its advantages," Sasha said, smiling. Jaz leaned a bit more forward, and two of Sasha's fingers slid into zem. "God, you're hot. And so wet. This is inane, I'm sure you know what a vagina feels like. You'd feel so good on my cock, though, fuck."
"That's what I was hoping for," Jaz admitted, rocking into his strokes. He quickly adjusted the hand on and in zeir cunt to match the rhythm they established with Jaz's cock. Slightly breathless, ze went on, "Especially since I can smother you with my tits while I ride you."
Sasha groaned, and his hand on Jaz's cock tightened. "You may actually be perfect," he said. "I would like that so, so much."
"Somehow, I thought you might," Jaz said. Ze was reluctant to stop and look for condoms, though, with both of Sasha's hands toying with zeir junk. "If we stopped so I could find a condom, would you be ready to fuck me right away?"
Sasha groaned again. "Darling, beautiful, irresistible Jaz," he said, "I have been ready to fuck you since I first woke up and saw you. But also I think I've been physically ready to fuck you since you first tied me to your bed, so yes, any time you want to sit on my dick, you go right ahead."
"God, don't tempt me," Jaz said. Ze swung zeir right leg over him, then had to finish kicking off zeir trousers so they weren't draped over him. Sasha yanked them off zeir foot and flung them across the room. "Thanks," Jaz said, laying down alongside him so ze could pull open the condoms and lube drawer of zeir bedside table. It was also the sleeping aids and antacids drawer, so Jaz had to dig a bit to find the variety pack of condoms in the back. "What are you, one or two sizes bigger than me, do you think?"
"Are those from Gnilles?" Sasha asked. "3.5 if you have it, but a 3 is fine."
"God, I cannot believe I even tried to fuck galactics," Jaz said, "you have no idea how much I missed having sex with someone sensible." Condom sizes everywhere else were still labeled, of course, but usually with ridiculous vanity sizing and measurements hidden in small print on the wrappers. Most galactics Jaz had talked to about it had no idea what actual size they wore. Not to mention the lack of standards in stretch. Jaz wasn't sure how anyone could have even remotely safe sex in those circumstances.
"Oh, I think I have some idea," Sasha said. "It's been years since I was with another Gnillesian. Most of the people I've gone down on have tried to tell me you don't need protection for oral sex, like your mouth and throat are immune to disease just because your stomach can't get pregnant."
"Ridiculous," Jaz said, rolling back over to hand the condom to Sasha. He accepted it, but used his other hand to pull zem in for a kiss. Jaz went willingly, climbing on top of him again. Ze slid down his body, stretching out and pressing flush to his chest, until ze felt the nudge of his cock between zeir legs. Ze pulled back, and smiled at how dopey Sasha looked.
Jaz sat up enough to maneuver zemself out of Sasha's way, once more straddling his thighs. He tore the condom open then rolled it on, biting his lower lip. Jaz wondered if that was to concentrate or to keep a thought from slipping out. It hardly mattered, since as soon as the condom was secure, Jaz leaned forward again, to rub his cock along zeir cunt.
"God, Jaz," Sasha breathed. "I want to fuck you until neither of us can stand."
Jaz laughed. "I assume that would be difficult," ze said, rolling zeir hips, "but you're welcome to try." Ze felt his cock slip into the right place, and sank down on it. Sasha was not the only one who groaned at that.
Riding someone was an excellent position for most ambis, since gravity ensured their cocks got to rub against their partners while their cunts were occupied. In this case, as soon as Sasha pulled Jaz down on top of him to bury his face in zeir breasts again, Jaz's cock was sandwiched between their stomachs. With Sasha's arms around zeir waist and his mouth on zeir breasts, Jaz felt like ze was getting fucked all over. The only lack was having nothing in zeir mouth, but at least that left zem free to pick up where Sasha left off, talking about how good he felt.
"God, yes," ze moaned into the small, cramped space where zeir arms bracketed the mattress above Sasha's head. "You can be rougher if you want--" Ze cried out as Sasha bit one of zeir nipples. "Just like that, yeah, you're so good, you feel so good, fuck."
Sasha slid his hands down from Jaz's waist to zeir ass. He used the leverage from getting two good handfuls of zeir ass to thrust up into zem whenever ze rocked down onto him.
"Ohhh," Jaz groaned. "That's it, that's perfect, fuck me, God, Sasha, yeah."
He moaned into Jaz's boobs and kept doing exactly what he had been doing. Jaz was quite content to lose zemself to the rhythm of sex with Sasha. The noises he made and the fervor with which he moved indicated he was also quite satisfied with their arrangement.
Jaz was right on the cusp of what was shaping up to be a very nice orgasm when zeir door made a noise, then a second later crashed open. Jaz froze, which felt incredibly vulnerable, but ze wasn't sure if any of zeir other options were any better.
"Get off of him," an unfamiliar feminine voice said.
Sasha groaned and let his head fall to the mattress, leaving Jaz's tits cold and exposed. Sasha asked, "You couldn't wait five more minutes?"
"Uh," Jaz said, turning to look. There was a tall, visibly jacked woman just inside the door. She had close-cropped hair, a pretty face, and a stunner pointed at Jaz. The tallest of the women prisoners and Sasha's sister/bodyguard, ze assumed.
"No, Helen, I'm fine," Sasha said. He picked his hands up from Jaz's ass and waved them around. "Ze's not doing anything I didn't desperately want zem to do. Please do not stun someone I am literally inside."
Jaz couldn't help giggling at that. Being too close to someone on the receiving end of a stun tended to make the body parts nearest to them go numb; the idea of having a numb erection was simply too much.
"Dammit, Sasha," Helen said, lowering and disarming her stunner.
"Could you possibly close the door?" Jaz asked, because they would be fully visible to any passers-by. "I mean, if it even will close now."
"It's fine, I just fried the lock," Helen said, holstering her stunner. She turned to shut the door; with her still inside Jaz's room, unfortunately.
Jaz slumped on top of Sasha. "We're not going to get to finish, are we," ze muttered.
"I don't think any of us would really enjoy it if we kept going with Helen here," Sasha said. He settled his hands on Jaz's waist again. "I mean, I'll do it if you want."
"I will stun you both," Helen said flatly, turning back around. "I can carry you and a stunner at the same time no problem. Pull out and get dressed." The she frowned. "Sir, if you wanted this, why are your feet cuffed to the bed?"
"Uh," Jaz said. Ze had honestly forgotten about that. Ze had honestly forgotten...about a lot, actually. Oh, this was embarrassing. Ze almost regretted it.
Sasha, on the other hand, was still feeling the effects of the penta, so told Helen, "Ze got a call from whoever was on the bridge and was going to go investigate what you were doing, and I suggested I would be safer restrained to the bed than a chair. Then I, uh."
"Seduced me?" Jaz supplied. "Or finished seducing me, I guess."
"You had already given me your com code at that point," Sasha said, grinning at zem. Jaz bent down to give him a quick kiss before dismounting him.
"Ugh," Helen said, sounding just like a sister. Jaz turned around to release the cuffs around Sasha's ankles as Helen went on, "I cannot believe you upstaged my daring escape by seducing your interrogator."
"To be fair, I have no training as an interrogator so I'm probably not very good at it," Jaz said. With one of Sasha's legs freed, ze turned around to do the other one. This was not the first time ze'd been naked in front of a sex partner's sibling, but it was the first time that sibling had been armed, and it was hard not to be nervous about it. Much more nerve-wracking than zeir prior experience. Ze went on, "And it is very difficult to resist being seduced by someone who keeps talking about how much they want you."
Helen groaned. "They gave you penta," she said. She shook her head and told Sasha, "At least ze's more attractive than your instructor was."
"Mihail is not especially good-looking," Sasha allowed, pulling his briefs and trousers up with one movement, "but he has presence." Jaz looked around for zeir trousers and underwear, decided they were perilously distant, and opted to go to the wardrobe and get a new set of each. Since ze had not retrieved zeir top, either, ze grabbed a fresh one of them as well.
"He has ten years on you and a commission," Helen said, dry as could be. Sasha hopped off the bed to finish pulling his trousers up all the way while Helen went on, "And you are"--there was the tiniest little hiccup as she redirected her sentence--"your father's son."
"Right," Jaz said from the wardrobe, stepping into zeir new underwear, "speaking of the very obvious secrets you're keeping, is there any chance I could beg off being stunned and just like, wait a few hours and say I was stunned?" Ze fixed zeir bra, tucking everything back into place. "Captain Ruchs won't have any problem believing I let myself get seduced instead of doing my job."
"The man who implied Sasha had to have me fuck women for him?" Helen asked, looking skeptical.
"He what--fucking hell," Jaz covered zeir face with zeir hands. Ruchs had said some heinously offensive shit in front of Jaz before--to Jaz, too--but Christ, what a putrid man. "Did you kill him?" Jaz asked. Ze lowered zeir hands. "If not, can you go back and kill him for me?"
"Ah," Helen said, smiling. She was quite lovely when she smiled, although still only a fraction as tempting to Jaz as Sasha was. "All right, I see the problem," Helen said to Sasha.
"Like, was I supposed to not want zem desperately?" Sasha asked. Since he was now fully dressed, he went over to where Jaz's trousers had ended up and grabbed them. "I'm only human." He tossed the trousers on zeir bed. "And it was apparently a good strategic decision, although that was really not my concern at first. Or at the end. I could really only think of it for a little bit in the middle, after I realized I could do it but before I got distracted."
"I'm shocked," Helen said, dry again. To Jaz, she said, "I didn't kill him, but I wasn't particularly careful with him, and he has at least one broken bone. I was wondering if I ought to have."
"Right," Sasha said. He sat down on the chair Jaz had previously cuffed him to. Jaz leaned against the wardrobe to step into clean trousers. Sasha said, "There's really only one way out of this situation at this point."
"There is not," Helen said, rolling her eyes again, "but I assume you're pretending going back through the tunnel isn't an option."
"It isn't," Sasha insisted, as Jaz pulled up zeir trousers, grimacing a little at the way the crotch seam rubbed against zeir tender, unsatisfied cock, even through the underwear. "For one thing," Sasha went on, "the EM will get repossessed, and for another, I doubt Jean is in any condition to tunnel right now."
"He's a wreck," Helen confirmed, while Jaz fastened zeir trousers.
"Of course he is, he didn't even get to stage a daring escape or an improbable seduction," Sasha said. "Nor is he a soldier like the rest of us. And that's not even mentioning the mess with Vasquez, which could drag on for years if I can't pay him off and buy the land back. But the EM can't get far enough away from this ship in any kind of reasonable time period without us killing the whole crew, which seems unnecessary."
"Oh, thanks," Jaz said, shrugging into zeir top.
Sasha smiled at zem. "I was hoping you'd rather come with us in that case," he said, "but your Captain Ruchs seems unlikable on top of being an idiot, so now I'm wondering what would happen if we killed him."
"God," Jaz said. Ze did up the front of zeir top as ze thought aloud. "Uh, short term I guess I'd be in command and have a lot of work to catch up on." Long term, ze'd probably end up being someone else's first officer for another year minimum, but at least it wouldn't be Ruchs. "But I don't know how much I could reasonably delay going after you and alerting the Fleet after you killed our captain," ze said, tugging on the collar to get it to untwist, "even if I do have a to-do list of shit that hasn't gotten done on board as long as you are tall."
"Mmm." Sasha nodded thoughtfully. He asked, "How much would it cost to buy you out?"
"You just said you don't have any money," Jaz said. Ze nudged the wardrobe door shut with zeir elbow. "Your ship's going to get repossessed and you can't afford to pay back someone named Vasquez. I can add things up just fine when I'm not actively ignoring my duty in favor of my dick."
"One mercenary contract is not in the same range as a starship," Sasha said, although the look he gave Jaz let zem know he was also still thinking at least a little about zeir dick. "I'm good for it."
Helen sighed. "Sasha," she said.
"I am not," he said, and if he hadn't already called Helen his sister, Jaz would have assumed the familial nature of their relationship from that laconic exchange. Whatever the fuck Helen's Sasha meant, the man protested, "Jaz--Lieutenant Arroyo is the first officer of this ship, and I'm sure ze's very good at zeir job, if only because there's no other way an ambi would stay in a mercenary fleet for long enough to make first officer, and only a little bit because I doubt I would find someone incompetent attractive."
"God," Jaz muttered as ze crossed the room. Ze supposed Helen must have meant something along the lines of, Sasha, please do not hire a mercenary just so you can fuck zem. An hour ago, ze would have said an offer to be some rich weirdo's personal whore wasn't appealing, but now ze couldn't honestly say ze wouldn't consider it, as long as said rich weirdo was Sasha. It would certainly be preferable to being Ruchs's XO.
Sasha turned a little red as he went on, "And I don't see any way out of this scenario for us unless we take the ship, which would be a hell of a lot easier if they were missing their XO and we had an additional combatant."
"Oh," Jaz said. Thinking of it that way, his task seemed a lot less impossible. Ze sat down in the chair across from Sasha, then scooted it back in to the table. Within kicking range, if ze still thought that was a risk. Jaz thought it was somewhat more likely Sasha would climb into zeir lap. "Yeah, that could work," ze said. Ze grinned at him. "And then we might actually get a chance to have sex again."
"Which is a bonus, but not the point," Sasha said, though he was still flushed. "Thank you, Lieutenant. How much?"
"Just to buy out my contract so Tian isn't on my ass for breach," Jaz thought out loud, "I've got about four months left, so that's twelve thousand GSD."
"God, is that all?" Sasha asked. He looked concerned. "Can you really live on three thousand a month?"
Ze laughed. "Okay, yeah, you must be good for it," ze said. Only people with plenty of money got that concerned about how small Jaz's comfortable salary was. "I've got room and board taken care of, and what am I going to be spending money on out here? Half my checks go to media so I have something to talk about with my friends back home."
"I think that's actually more than your commission was worth, after the conversion," Helen murmured.
"Sure, but you're not supposed to live on an officers' salary," Sasha responded, not nearly as quietly. Was that the penta, Jaz wondered, or was he no longer so concerned about being cagey? Jaz had after all named a price for zeir loyalty, which Sasha evidently found low. "How else are you going to keep out the rabble?" he asked Helen, then shook his head. "All right, Lieutenant Arroyo, I would like to hire you to help me take over this ship. Where do you suggest we start?"
"Well," Jaz said, "can you afford to buy out any more of the crew?"
"Sure, but I don't think they'll believe I'm good for it," Sasha said.
Jaz smiled. "No, but Ruchs is very bad at his job," ze said. "I'd say about half the crew would take my word for it."
"Half the crew might be pushing it," Helen said.
"Not if it works," Sasha protested. To Jaz, he said, "Although I will admit I would like to make some profit, so if there's any way to keep those numbers low? While also avoiding bloodshed, if possible. Except for Captain Ruchs, who I believe may shortly be an unavoidable casualty of a mutiny."
"Oh," Jaz said. A mutiny was a good idea. A mutiny could work out for all of them. Ze got to zeir feet again. "All right," ze said, "I know where to start. Where's my--aw, aren't you sweet," Jaz said, seeing zeir clothes laid out on the bed. Ze dumped everything out of zeir trouser pockets and grabbed zeir com. Ze called Nakamura walkie-style, then said, "Hey, Nakamura."
"Lieutenant?" There was a staticky scrape, then Nakamura's voice was much clearer. "What the hell happened?"
"Long story," Jaz said. "Listen, how much time is left on your contract?"
"What? Like six months, why?"
"What's that at your pay grade, like twelve thou GSD?"
"Closer to fourteen," Nakamura said. "Engineering bump."
Sasha waved a hand, as if to say no problem. Jaz rolled zeir eyes. "Follow-up question," ze said, "how would you feel about a small mutiny?"
Nakamura laughed. "Are you kidding?" he asked. "At this point, the paycheck's the only reason I haven't shoved Ruchs out an airlock."
"Great," Jaz said, crossing back to the table where Sasha sat, "welcome aboard, Chief." Ze sat back down and set the com on the table in front of zem. "Can you strip all of Ruchs's overrides and privileges for me? Oh, remember he's got that second command profile connected to the bridge console directly."
"You better have a plan, because I know you don't have the money," Nakamura said. "But also: with pleasure, Lieutenant. Should I strip Nicholson and Vane while I'm at it?"
"If you can reverse it in a pinch, sure," Jaz said. "I don't know if either of them is more loyal to Ruchs than they are to money."
"I think they'd need a bit more assurance than your say-so, but whatever," Nakamura said. Jaz was glad Nakamura didn't need more than zeir say-so, but they had commiserated about being forbidden from doing their jobs enough times Jaz hadn't doubted he'd trust zem. "I'm going to take the precaution of shutting everyone but us out of the security office, if you don't mind."
"Great idea," Jaz said.
Sasha leaned in and said, "Can you fry the electronic locks to force the need for manual override from where you are?"
There was a pause on Nakamura's end of the line. "Who was that, Arroyo?"
"Our new employer," Jaz said.
"Wait a second," Nakamura said over zem, "is that the guy you were supposed to be interrogating? Jesus, Lieutenant. Yeah, that's a good idea, I'll see if--" He interrupted himself with a laugh. "Oh, yeah, no, I can definitely do that from here. I can do that to any fucking lock on the ship, actually. Did you know the fire suppression system's been throwing an alert for months?"
"What?" Jaz yelped. "Why--oh Christ, I assume Ruchs told you not to bother if it was 'just' an alert."
"Of course he did," Nakamura confirmed. "Anyway, he's locked out now. I'm gonna work on the security locks, then Nicholson and Vane. Then the bridge profile, I guess. Unless there's anything else?"
Sasha shrugged. Jaz said, "Not yet. I'll let you know. Arroyo out."
"He was ignoring fire suppression maintenance?" Helen asked once Jaz had turned the com off, clearly disgusted.
"Oh, that's just scratching the surface," Jaz said. "I assume you don't know much about the Tian Fleet, but this is the second-fastest ship in it, and yet here we are on blockade duty. Honestly, I'm surprised Ruchs hasn't gotten anyone killed. I was glad he even did the penta patch test."
"An incompetent piece of shit," Sasha said, frowning in puzzlement. "That's certainly something. One or the other, sure, but both is typically an accomplishment."
"I bet we could get most of the crew on your side even without buying out their contracts," Jaz said, "for the chance to serve under someone else. Ruchs's contract is set up so that when Ruchs dies, ownership of the Stolas reverts to Admiral Tian. So then everyone else can safely claim they were just going along with us mutineers in order to protect Fleet assets."
"It is so sexy that you're smart too," Sasha said, looking at Jaz like they were still alone. God, Jaz wished Helen had taken even slightly longer to break out of the brig and track Sasha down. "Nakamura's the Chief Engineer?"
Jaz nodded. "You've got, what, five people? Four, since someone's got to fly the EM and you said the tunnel pilot wasn't a soldier?" Sasha nodded. Jaz told them, "Four people, plus me and Nakamura, could probably keep the Stolas running long enough to make--where are we going? Not Greenhome, I hope."
"God, no," Sasha said. "The asteroid mining installation."
"That's about two weeks away at an EM's top speed," Jaz said, thinking aloud. "Oh, that's no problem at all," ze realized, "Nakamura and the four of us could keep this ship going for twice that long. There is one of the Fleet's big guns at the mine, though."
"One thing at a time," Sasha said. "We'll have two weeks to figure out why the Stolas is away from her post."
"I can't guarantee it, but I think most everyone would be willing to go along with us once Ruchs is out of the way," Jaz said. "Nicholson and Vane might need to be bribed, but almost everyone else is either self-interested enough to go along with you in order to keep their position with Tian, or else is unhappy enough with Ruchs to turn a blind eye." Ze shook zeir head. "If Lewes hadn't fallen down the bottle, I'd suggest buying him out too, but he's not especially useful right now."
"But he won't cause trouble," Sasha said.
"He started drinking to keep himself from picking fights with Ruchs," Jaz said. "So definitely not."
"Good enough for me," Sasha said.
*
[how do they get the jump on ruchs? idk you decide i've been sitting on this too long. they get the jump on ruchs. i guess it's just jaz and sasha there; helen and nakamura must be handling something else.]
"I'd say it isn't personal," Jaz said, "but it kind of is. I would gladly have done this months ago if I had someone to pay Tian off."
"You backstabbing hermaphrodite," Ruchs hissed, "I knew you wer--" He crumpled to the floor.
"Sorry," Sasha said, holstering his stunner, "I didn't think he'd be saying anything useful."
"Oh, babe, don't apologize," Jaz said. Ze squatted down to go through Ruchs's pockets for anything useful; ze figured the uniform and boots were an acceptable loss. Ze found nothing, so stood up and kicked Ruchs over the airlock's threshold. "Wanna do the honors?" Jaz asked Sasha.
"I think you deserve it more," Sasha said.
Jaz sighed. "I really do," ze said. Ze stepped over to the airlock control panel and started the cycle. As the doors closed, ze said, "I don't think I've ever wanted more to kill someone who wasn't, like, shooting at me."
"I think there's an argument to be made that he has been trying to kill you," Sasha said. "Through negligence, if nothing else."
"That feels a little like a cop-out," Jaz said. The airlock began to depressurize. "Although it's not exactly wrong. Fuck, I can't believe he was ignoring fire suppression alerts."
"That is a dangerous level of negligence," Sasha said. "I'm guessing he grew up planetside? I literally can't believe a station would let someone like that exist."
"Yeah, some dinky little planet on the other side of Earth," Jaz said. "I want to say it was one of the religious settlements? But maybe he was just a piece of shit."
"He was definitely a piece of shit," Sasha said. "Whether or not he was raised by other pieces of shit isn't relevant when someone's in command, and therefore responsible for the safety of his crew. I won't be shedding any tears for him."
"God, no," Jaz said. The airlock beeped to indicate it was depressurized. Jaz pressed the button to blow the hatch. "May he rot in hell, or at least the vacuum of space."
"Amen," Sasha said.
*
"Aw, no, Lieutenant," Carrasco said, "you really threw us under the bus to get laid?"
"No," Jaz said, "because you're not under the bus. See, what just happened was that Nakamura and I mutinied after sustained insults to our competence, and once Captain Ruchs was dead, the rest of you acted to protect Fleet assets, i.e. yourselves and the ship, by following orders until such time as we and our new employer vacated the Stolas."
"Which he's really going to do," Yang said doubtfully.
"I can barely afford to keep the EM going," Sasha said, "I don't need an entire corvette to maintain. Once I've made my delivery and gotten safely away, you'll be free to contact Admiral Tian and let him know what happened. Provided, of course, you don't interfere with my business before then."
"I would hate to have to shoot any of you," Jaz said. "So you keep your hands off the emergency beacons and keep the ship running until Mister--" Ze looked at Sasha. He told zem his full name when ze asked, but ze couldn't remember what it was. Ze knew Sasha was somehow a nickname for Alex, and that was it.
"Patrero," he supplied.
Ze looked back at the crew. "Until Mister Patrero is clear," Jaz said.
"Fine," Carrasco said, crossing her arms over her chest. "So you carefully maneuvered all of us safely out of the path of the bus, except for Ruchs, to get laid?"
Jaz shrugged. "Technically I got laid first and then suborned," ze said. "If that helps."
"Honestly, it kind of does," Carrasco said. She looked to Sasha. "You can really afford to buy out their contracts?"
"Compared to the extortionate amount I'm on the hook for with the EM, it's pocket change," Sasha said. "Although as I told Lieutenant Arroyo, I would like to make a profit on this trip, so I can hardly afford to buy you all out."
Yang said, "That would probably fuck up our future chances with Tian anyway. Arroyo and Nakamura might have the kind of skills that would let them join another fleet, but without a reference from Admiral Tian, I'm screwed."
"Then it sounds like Lieutenant Arroyo's suggested course of action works out for the best for all of us," Sasha said. "If you all agree, I would be happy to let you return to your duties."
There were nods and murmurs of agreement all around. No one saluted or anything, but most of them nodded to Jaz or Sasha before wandering away.
"God, finally," Sasha said when the three of them were alone. "I really thought getting a dangerously incompetent commanding officer out of the way would take less time doing it the underhanded way."
"I'm not sure how underhanded that was," Jaz said. "I mean, as mutinies go."
"Compared to leapfrogging several layers of military authority and taking my concerns directly to the overall commander," Sasha said, "I think arranging a mutiny at all is pretty underhanded."
"What the hell kind of life have you been living?" Jaz asked.
"It was easier than it sounds," Helen told zem. "Since his parents raised said commander."
"Theoretically, any sufficiently motivated officer could have arranged an audience," Sasha said. "Although I suppose it would take most people longer than a few days."
"If anyone else on that base your rank or below wanted to bring it to him, they would have been waiting for weeks," Helen said. "And everyone knows it, which is why you lost your commission."
"People were literally dying," Sasha protested. "I mean, the colonel had at least two hundred men under his command at any time, not just fourteen, so I suppose Ruchs could have gotten there with a larger command."
"I'm truly surprised no one got literally burned by the combination of a questionable fire suppression system and an unstocked med bay," Jaz said. "Statistically, if we had seen literally any action during this war, there would have been casualties."
"I'm sure," Sasha said. "Colonel Galkin wasn't helped by the weather conditions around the base. It's almost as though safety protocols are pointless right up until they're critical." He rolled his eyes. "Anyway, he's not a problem anymore and we have two weeks to figure out what we're going to say to the Fleet ship at Brippe, so I think now would be an excellent time to have sex." He pretended to glare at Helen. "No more interruptions," he said.
"I can't promise that," Helen said, "but I'll do my best to deal with any emergencies myself now that I know Lieutenant Arroyo is incapable of hurting you as long as you call zem sexy enough times."
"I am wounded," Jaz said, laying both hands over zeir heart. "Thank God we have Lewes inventorying the medbay!"
Helen rolled her eyes and shooed them away.
Sasha took Jaz's hand and pulled zem through the ship, to Jaz's room. He was nearly running, which made Jaz laugh.
Then, of course, when they got there he had to wait while Jaz manually unlocked zeir door, because fixing the broken lock on Jaz's personal quarters was not high on the list of priorities for Nakamura and Dimitri.
As Jaz closed the door behind them, ze started to ask, "So should we just pick up where we left off?" but only got a few syllables in before Sasha pressed zem back against the wall and started yanking at Jaz's top. Ze laughed. "I guess that answers that question," ze said.
Sasha pulled open the front of Jaz's shirt and immediately cupped zeir breasts with both hands. He looked up at zem and said, "I want you to know that just because the penta wore off I wasn't thinking any less about how incredibly sexy you are." He turned his head to the side, kissing the inside of each of Jaz's breasts. "In fact, I'm not sure I can convey how fucking hot you were, spinning random bits of information into a coherent plot and telling people exactly what they needed to hear."
"Some people might think that makes me duplicitous and manipulative," Jaz said. Ze doubted that was the case here, since Sasha was still fondling zeir breasts like it was all he wished for.
"Darling," Sasha said, gazing up at zem fervently, "you obviously could have taken over this ship and disposed of Ruchs at any point up until now, and you didn't because you didn't have a reason to. And you're so good at it, God, you knew how to do everything I needed you to!"
"Ohh." Jaz grinned. "You have a competence kink, huh? Watching me be good at my job got you all hot and bothered?"
"I have been hot and bothered since I laid eyes on you," Sasha said. He squeezed zeir breasts. "Watching you be phenomenal at your job nearly drove me insane."
Jaz laughed again. Ze pushed him away and started walking towards the bed. Ze reached back to take off zeir bra as ze went, and dropped it on the floor. When ze reached the bed, ze kicked off zeir boots, then swept the dirty clothes from earlier off the bed again. Ze took zeir com out of zeir pocket, set it on the bedside table, and then shimmied out of zeir trousers and underwear. When ze turned around, Sasha was at the foot of the bed, naked except for his socks and leg brace.
"God," Jaz said. "What was it you said earlier? I want to fuck you until neither of us can stand."
Sasha grinned at zem. As he sat down on the bed to start taking off his leg brace, he gestured to himself and said, "This is what does it for you? Pervert."
"Yep," Jaz agreed. "Do you want help with that or are you good?"
"Oh, would you?" he asked, relieved. "It helps when I have to do a lot of walking or standing, but it's such a chore to take off. Especially since this hip doesn't work right."
"Of course," Jaz said, going to zeir knees in front of him. "I'd like to get to do more of the undressing at some point, so we may as well start here. What do you need?"
"The two ankle straps, one's sort of a stirrup and the other--yes, that one," Sasha said. "Mostly I need help pulling it off."
"Luckily, I am very experienced in the art of pulling things off," Jaz said. Ze wrapped zeir hands around the most solid part of the bottom of the brace. "You ready?"
"Go ahead," Sasha said. "Oh, but watch out for the sock getting caught and bunching up."
"Well, obviously," Jaz said. "Did I not just say I was very experienced at this?" Ze eased the brace down his leg and over his foot. His sock did attempt to make trouble, but Jaz pushed it back out of the way. "Socks too?"
"Since you're offering," Sasha said, although he seemed embarrassed.
"You good?" Jaz asked as ze tugged his socks down.
"No one but my family and medical professionals have ever helped me with a brace or taken my socks off," Sasha said. Jaz eased off the sock on the leg that hadn't had the brace, while Sasha admitted, "I didn't expect it to feel more intimate than literally being inside you."
"I mean, it's not exactly part of my usual foreplay roster," Jaz said. Ze laid the sock on top of the leg brace, then moved on to the other sock. "But like Mama always said, don't commit a mutiny with someone you wouldn't trust to take your socks off." Sasha rolled his eyes at zem, grinning as though he couldn't help himself. Jaz asked, "Would you like scritchies now that your feet are free, or are you too tender after having the brace on all day?"
"It should be illegal to be sexy while using the word 'scritchies'," Sasha said. "Please."
"I figured it was like a bra or corset," Jaz said, running zeir nails over the indentations and red marks from where different parts of the brace and sock pressed into Sasha's leg, "but it's worth asking in case you wouldn't like it. I tell you, after a lifetime of wearing sandals, I discovered a new hell in the form of 'socks that fit but are a little too tight in the cuff after you've been wearing them a while'. Terrible things."
"How you have suffered," Sasha said, eyes drifting shut in contentment. "Mm, I don't wish to imply I'm not eager to have sex with you, but that feels damn nice."
"Good," Jaz said, kissing one of his knees. "When I'm done here, I thought maybe I'd get a condom and suck you until you're hard enough to fuck me again."
"God," Sasha groaned. "I would like to reiterate what I said earlier, about you being perfect. But you know it's not going to take very long."
"I should hope not," Jaz said. Ze kissed his other knee. "You'll just have to let me suck you off some more later."
"I suppose that's a sacrifice I can make," Sasha said.
[scene transitions are for real fics okay; jaz barely gets to suck him off and then is like hhhh okay how do we do this, let's go]
"I will admit, it's usually easier on my joints to be on the bottom," Sasha said.
"See, you should've been fucking ambis this whole time, then," ze said. "Because if we're getting penetrated, it's usually better to be riding someone. That way we can get stimulation on our cocks at the same time we've got something in our cunts."
"Yes, I'm sure anyone else would have trusted that reasoning," Sasha said. "Excuse me, beautiful ambi, would you be interested in sex? Only, from a purely logistical standpoint--"
Jaz laughed. Ze swung one leg over him, lining up so he'd slide right into zem. Ze finally sank down onto Sasha's cock for the second time in too many hours. Once again, they both groaned.
"You feel so good," Sasha breathed. "And you're so, so sexy."
"I wish I could spend the rest of my life with your cock inside me," Jaz said.
Sasha huffed a laugh. "You do not," he said.
"My brain doesn't," Jaz said. "Because it would be inconvenient. My cunt thinks it sounds like a great idea." Ze shifted zeir hips, grinding around in a circle.
"Mm, I don't think my cock would have any objections," Sasha said, eyes drifting shut. "But yes, it might be inconvenient." He ran his hands down and back up Jaz's thighs. "You are so hot I don't understand how you can possibly have been going without sex."
"Have you seen anyone else on this crew worth fucking?" Jaz asked. "Nakamura's only into men and Carrasco's only into women. I wouldn't even bother with anyone else."
Sasha laughed again. "Still," he said.
Jaz ran zeir hands over his chest. Ze'd immediately hated having hairy tits of zeir own, and gotten those follicles zapped so it wouldn't be an issue, but ze did like them on other people. Sasha's chest hair was thick and soft. Ze told him, "You'll just have to make sure I don't go neglected again."
"It would be a privilege and a joy," Sasha breathed. He slid one hand over Jaz's leg to brush his fingers against zeir cock. Jaz shuddered, and involuntarily jerked forward, dragging Sasha's cock most of the way out of zem. "God, Jaz," Sasha said. "I hope you're as close as I am."
Jaz chuckled. "Are you kidding," ze said, "I spent that whole mutiny feeling like my pants were too tight. I'll be surprised if I last five minutes."
"Oh, good," Sasha said.
Once Jaz started moving, neither of them lasted five minutes. Honestly, they might not have lasted three, but Jaz could hardly keep track of time when ze was bouncing on Sasha's cock and fucking up into his hand every time ze pulled back.
"On the plus side," Sasha said, around Jaz's breasts, because ze had slumped over on top of him when ze came, "I don't think it'll take me long to recover." He nuzzled zeir breasts. "Especially like this."
"I wonder," Jaz murmured, "if you'd be such a boob man if you weren't chest-high to most people."
"I couldn't say," he said. He kissed the breast closest to him. "I do also think you have a wonderful ass. And a pretty cock. As well as a breathtaking face."
"Yet it's my tits you're cuddling," Jaz said.
"You chose the position, darling," Sasha said. "As I recall, I also suggested you might sit on my face or fuck me in the ass." He paused. "I admit I'm glad you didn't take me up on that latter offer. I think I'd rather experience that for the first time not drugged."
"You've never bottomed?" Jaz asked.
"Ah, no," Sasha said. "The other planet I spend the most time on is Kavagor."
"Ohhh," Jaz said. "Sasha is short for Alexander. That makes sense." After a pause to think about it, ze said, "Then it's also Kavagorans who think mouths and throats are immune from disease."
"It is, yes," Sasha said.
"You know, it's funny that your name is Patrero, then," Jaz said. "Since Delara Patrero was the big hero of the--wait," ze interrupted zemself, "are you related to her?"
"She's my mother," Sasha said.
"Wow," Jaz said. "Must be interesting, growing up with a war hero for a parent. Although maybe not, if you were on Kavagor half the time. They must have more war heroes, since they have more wars."
"Mm," Sasha said. "I think mostly the heroes get bigger, not more frequent."
"I guess it's more impressive if you hero two or more wars," Jaz said. "Plus, you just have more experience. Hang on," ze said, pushing zemself up to get a good look at him, "Delara Patrero didn't have a kid when she ran off to Kavagor. Sasha, how old are you?"
"Uh," he said. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh, God, please tell me you're over eighteen," Jaz said. He looked like an adult, but then, a bone disorder would affect his appearance. And it was probably painful, and everyone knew pain could age you.
Sasha snorted. "Of course I'm over eighteen," he said. "Could I have bought a spaceship if I wasn't?"
"Right," Jaz said, relaxing. Not in Gnillesian space, that was for sure. "So how old are you?"
"Twenty-three," he said, looking a little sheepish.
"Oh my god," Jaz moaned, collapsing back onto him, "I was seduced by a child."
"Wh--how old are you?" Sasha asked. "You can't even be in your thirties."
"No," Jaz admitted. "But I definitely thought you were my age, at least."
"I'm so sorry to be seven or fewer years younger than expected," Sasha said. "What a terrible disparity."
"Oh, shush," Jaz said.
