Okay so, I feel like maybe that person just really can’t see it from a different perspective and that’s fine. Right? Like how can we understand something that we’ve never felt ourselves? So I give them a small slice of “benefit of the doubt”. But also empathy exists and it’s not /that/ hard to find for others if you’re a thinking, feeling, autonomous person with opinions you feel the need to share publicly. So this is my unsolicited two cents and you can share it or keep it to yourself, whatever is good for you, Ryen.
Now, that last sentence is key to my rant. I used to think when I read a chapter and sent in feedback and you didn’t answer it that maybe you just didn’t like my words and I got a little shy. Like damn she really wants feedback but doesn’t post it all?
That’s this person. I get that.
But then empathy kicked in and I reminded myself that this isn’t about me. It’s about Ryen. You’re the one putting in the hard work. You’re the one pouring your soul into this amazingly intricate and deeply introspective work. It sometimes breaks you to the point where you don’t eat or sleep. I reminded myself that you probably read my message and it may have given you that little lift to write the next chapter. Or maybe it didn’t give you any motivation at all but allowed you to take a break and read something completely irrelevant for a second to clear your head. And that was all I needed to move on to support you in your next chapter/fic. Because aren’t I getting exactly what I want? You are answering my feedback that way. You’re writing and posting more of the story, the reason sent feedback in the first place!
Now comes the shared experience - and not everyone can relate so I get that. But I haven’t read the newest chapter of 3tan and therefore I haven’t been able to give any feedback. Right now things are too heavy in my own mind and trying to take in a story that has, in many ways, reshaped my thinking on social interaction, relationships, and deep things beyond “cute guy being feral for entertainment purposes” is too much for me at this time.
To imagine that you just go from chapter to chapter or fic to fic without any mental strain or exhaustion is crazy f***ing work. I can’t imagine how drained you feel after writing it knowing how ‘too drained’ I feel to even read it. So, if all you have left afterward is to read the feedback and recover then why isn’t that good enough? You’re giving us more of yourself than we could ever ask for and now we’re expecting you to cater to /our/ selfish need for engagement?
Because that’s all this is. It’s not wanting you to see how much a person loves it. It’s wanting you to answer it so the sender can get that dopamine hit of doing something selfless and being seen. Which is inherently not selfless at all. If someone’s been here long enough, they know you read every message sent to you, you’ve said it several times. That’s amazing considering how much time you spend writing and working a real life job and doing your hobbies/other responsibilities like dance and your store.
So, do what you need to do. Because there is no fraction or ratio of what’s appropriate or equivalent to what a writer should get for their time and effort. You need what you need and you should never feel ashamed to ask for it.
damn.. kay, this means everything. like actually. thank you so much for even saying all of this, even down to the vulnerability of admitting how you thought about me before. i completely understand why you felt that way and i'm very sorry for making you feel like your words didn't matter. because they do, and exactly for the reasons you said further down. to know that someone can go from how you felt before to how you feel now? that alone makes me feel loads better about having this conversation (though i will change how i bring it up.)
i mean it when i say i love you guys. i also mean it when i talk about engagement and how it acts as fuel and lets me know what you guys think. thank you for understanding my side, or at least trying to and getting very close to it.
I reminded myself that you probably read my message and it may have given you that little lift to write the next chapter. Or maybe it didn’t give you any motivation at all but allowed you to take a break and read something completely irrelevant for a second to clear your head. And that was all I needed to move on to support you in your next chapter/fic.
full transparency, i burst into tears after reading this part and kept going when you mentioned everything else. you nailed it, other than the part where it didn't motivate me. because every single comment does, just like every single reblog with tags, or asks, or anything. even when you guys mention something else like minted or hush yeah or seven days, i get a spark and open those docs just to write something because i feel so energized. this is how it is.
and it's totally okay if you haven't read the chapter yet, no matter the reason. but you still made an effort to send me asks about it just for encouragement and that made me happy.
i think us talking more from our perspectives is actually helping a ton, too, because it's helping me see what it's like for you guys and i get to show my own side. we're all here for the same things, right? we're all here for stories and fun characters and to escape for awhile. so we can make it fun. i think we can bring the energy back from before when things were really popping haha. we just need to learn to be more patient with each other (yes, i am owning this, as well) and just share words to share them.
