Kerensa
chapter 1, Chapter 2
Warnings: mentions of baby loss
Chapter 3
Getting to Know You
With wet coats hanging up and steaming hot chocolates in hand, they settled into a nook not far from the fire where Scout lay contented by its warmth.
After a sip of the milky goodness, Kerry teased him:
“So if you’re Canadian, how come you’re always commenting on the cold and damp here?”
“It’s a fair point “ he agreed grinning at her teasing “but I’ve been in LA over 30 years. I have no tolerance for cold anymore!” What about you, did you grow up here?”
“Well in England, yes but not here here if that’s what you mean. My parents loved Cornwall, we holidayed here for years and I even got my name from here”
“Kerry? I thought it was an Irish name”
“It’s not that kind of Kerry - Kerry is short for Kerensa”
“And that is?”
“Cornish for ‘love’”
“Awww that’s cute”
Kerry felt the heat rise up her face
“What can I say? My parents were a pair of hopeless romantics!” she shrugged.
Keanu chuckled. He knew how this conversation could go if he didn’t watch it, so he took another sip of his drink to give himself thinking time. He segued away from the subject of romance.
“So how long have you lived here?”
“About 3 years, when both of my parents had passed and after my divorce, I had enough money to invest in a property down here. I needed a fresh start but also something comforting and familiar you know? Here seemed the perfect place so I left my job and headed down. The cottage rental is my main income and I do some freelance copywriting to tide myself over and I’m working on some short stories but I’ve yet to get anything published.”
“Wow a writer, maybe you could give me some tips” he quipped
“I don’t think writing ads for chocolate bars is really training for screenwriting! Or are you writing a novel or a play”
“No it is a screenplay”
Just then, Keanu’s stomach made a loud rumble making him giggle and cover his mouth, embarrassed.
“I guess it’s lunchtime huh? I think I’m going to eat here. I love their fish finger sandwich. Care to join me?”
“You sure? I feel like I’ve hijacked your peaceful morning”
“Not at all, it’s been nice to get to know you a little bit”
Kerry went to the bar placing the order for 2 of their fish-finger sandwiches. That was a bit of a misnomer really as they weren’t your standard breadcrumbed fish sticks in flat white bread but rather tender Cod goujons in a light beer batter served in a crusty home baked roll with homemade tartar sauce and chunky triple cooked chips.
After a few bites, they picked up the conversation from before.
“So, you were divorced 3 years ago then? Or did it take you longer to execute your exit plan?”
About 3 and a half years now. Things had been unraveling for a while so my plan was underway for about a year before I got here.”
“No children?”
She shook her head, a shadow passed over her expression.
“That’s good”
Her expression turned stricken.
“Gosh sorry, I meant good that there weren’t kids to be hurt by the divorce, not good that you don’t have them!”
“No it’s ok, it’s just a touchy subject. It’s why we split up basically”
Keanu tilted his head, encouraging her to continue.
Kerry took another bite of her sandwich, taking a moment to decide what to share.
“We both wanted a family, very much, but it just never worked out. I had a couple of miscarriages then nothing, for a couple of years. When we got checked out, they couldn’t find a problem but they recommended we try IVF or adopt, and turns out he didn’t want a family with me enough to go through any of that!”
“I’m so sorry”
Kerry could see the sincerity in his warm brown eyes and threw him a sad half-smile.
“Thanks. You know, it’s odd, obviously it hurts that it’s unlikely now that I’ll ever have kids, but what hurt the most is not that, nor losing the relationship but that I so badly misjudged who he was as a person. It’s like my “good person” radar failed me so badly!”
Keanu chuckled with recognition.
“Been there, got the t-shirt! It really sucks huh? I had a completely different situation with a friend but it also left me reeling – they turned out not to be who I thought they were, not at all.”
“Oh, what happened?”
“Well I helped him out with funding for a project, then he forged my signature on a contract and I ended up having to make a movie I hated just when I should have been somewhere else.”
“That sucks. What was the film?”
“Eugh” Keanu made a guttural noise “The Watcher”, I played a serial killer and it was just bad!”
Kerry laughed
“Sort of against type I guess”
“Nah, nah it wasn’t playing a bad guy I had a problem with, it was just a shitty script and a shitty project full stop”
“And where should you have been?”
“What?”
“You said before, you were forced to do the film when you should have been somewhere else?”
“Oh yeah, yeah, right”
Keanu’s voice had got quieter with each word.
Seeing his hesitation, Kerry assured him “no need to share, looks like a bad memory”
“No, you shared your painful memories with me, I can too.” He sighed sadly. I should have been with my girlfriend at the time. She was pregnant, 8 months along and I was away filming that shitty film in New York. She went for her last scan and there was no heartbeat. She called me” he paused, remembering “God she was screaming and wailing down the phone for me to come home”
“And you couldn’t?”
“No, of course I did, I dropped everything and went home, that’s not what I meant, it’s just that I’ll just always wonder, if I’d been there before….. then things might have been different …..”
Kerry reached over and squeezed his hand. She hoped she wasn’t overstepping but it seemed the only response to such a revelation.
“Did you have a son or a daughter?”
“A daughter, Ava. She’d be 22 now.”
“I’m so sorry”
“I’m sorry, for you too, for your lost babies. Do you know what you were having?”
“No, they were early miscarriages, at about 10 weeks.”
“Still enough time for hope to bloom right?”
Kerry nodded
“Not many people get that, especially not someone who’s experienced such a different level of loss”
“I have enough friends who’ve been through a miscarriage to know there’s a lot of commonality.”
They both sighed and drew in a shaky breath then giggled at their mirrored actions.
“I feel like we deserve the naughtiest dessert on the menu after sharing all those sad memories!” Keanu offered in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“Oh I couldn’t manage a whole one”
“We’ll share one then, what do you fancy ?” he asked looking towards the menu board. “What’s the most trad thing we can get?”
“Gotta be the sticky toffee pudding with clotted cream Ice cream hasn’t it?”
“Let’s go for it”
That decided, they finished their lunch off in a lighter mood with the delicious pudding to share, then walked up the hill to the house and cottage slowly in light of their full stomachs!
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