A little analysis on Lila, Kell and Holland's dynamics as Antari
In the beginning, Lila hates Holland because he killed Barron and he isn't remorseful. When she's on the Ghost with him and the others, though, we see that one of the reasons she doesn't like him is also imo, that he reminds her of herself. In particular, of her fear of betrayal and mistrust. After her near death experience in Rosenal, Lila can't sleep because she's thinking about what happened and how powerless she felt and she goes to Holland's cabin because she hears sounds coming from there.
Holland is having a nightmare and she wants to wake him up but he wakes before she can lay a hand on him. One thing that Lila notices is that he's used to sleep alerted 24/7, just like she does. Lila used to sleep with her back to the wall and a knife at the ready, just like Holland can't really sleep and has nightmares about his past.
They are both survivors in different ways, and I see how Kell sits in the middle between them: there is an Antari parallel before those moments, which shows Kell's dynamic with both Holland and Lila. How Kell tends to be more feeling/unreasonable when it comes to her and rational/logical when it comes to him.
Antari meets Antari.
We see how Kell met Holland when Vor became king and how haughty he acts when he teaches him the Antari words. But also, how he is somewhat excited to have found another Antari, while Holland is not. Kell is the one in control here. He is in a superior position than Holland because he knows all the Antari words thanks to his training, but he also possesses the tokens to travel words, which Holland doesn't. Holland feels like in a subordinate position here, and we see how Holland also was Vor's knight (right-hand) when he meets Kell for the first time. Holland is always being controlled. It also shows it how he can't trust anyone, not even his loved ones - they also control him. They also want to get rid of him, make use of him. By the end of the series, Kell and Holland's relationship feels more balanced.
We see, on the contrary, how Kell teaches Lila the words. Their relationship doesn't have labels but we can tell that Lila trusts Kell to some degree, and she trusts him enough to lower her guard as they share a moment of physical intimacy. Kell seems in control because he knows the words, but not in a haughty way like with Holland. Here Kell wants to comfort Lila and makes her feel better. It's a way to say that she can still control her powers and defend herself in case something like this happens again, but also that he deeply cares about her and he would be desperate in case she doesn't survive. Lila sits on him to return the favor. It's like Lila is thanking Kell for his affection but also because she know has new weapons in her hands (the Antari words but also... something else like Kell's heart, because love is also about giving up control and trust). In Kell's and Lila's relationship, she is often the one in control (think about their first encounter as well), but we see how their romance progresses, she is on the same foot as him, and they are equals by the end. Kell also has problems letting others "control" him and thanks to Lila, he learns how to be more irrational. We can tell that Kell is a really caring partner.
Morally good vs. morally grey
Holland is used to betrayal and distrust, just like Lila is. The difference is that there is still hope for Lila, but all hope is gone in Holland. Kell is the one balancing the hope, in a way.
We see how Holland and Kell's relationship is often tense but Kell always tries to have hope for Holland in spite of all the bad things Holland has done. Unlike Holland and Lila, Kell is morally good and not morally grey. He thinks that it is right to save Holland's life and show him benevolence even though he killed, because Holland is an Antari and because Kell realizes that Holland could've been him. That was Osaron's plan, after all. By saving Holland, is like Kell is also saving himself - his morality tells him that it is the right thing to do. If he doesn't do it, he feels guilty. Kell is afraid of becoming like Holland: he doesn't want to be compelled and have his consent taken away from him, nor he wants his power to overtake him. Kell wants to stay in control.
Kell as the Antari who keeps the balance.
Like I said, Holland and Lila are morally ambiguous. They do not care about whether is right to kill or to steal - they just do it. They do it to survive. Just like Lila steals, Holland killed for survival. Kell was spared this because, again, he sits in the middle of them and he's the one who had the better end of the stick because he might not be free like Lila is, but he still a sort of possession like Holland is.
He is the Antari who keeps the balance between unreasoning/impulsivity/freedom (Lila) and rationality/logic/possession (Holland). Kell is at the heart of that. He is able to balance feelings and rationality and we see how that does him when the black stone tries to make him lose his mind.
Turning point.
When in ACOL they go on the Ghost and Lila risks to die, it's a turning point. Lila lets herself be vulnerable with Kell because she understands that the only way to survive as an Antari is finding the balance, is knowing how to use her magic and don't be reckless. Recklessness and pride do not lead anywhere. Up until then, Kell has shown her repeatedly that he cares about her (by this point, Kell is already deep in love with her). He always waited for her return and he won't leave, if not with her. Kell also realizes he needs to lower his guard and be more irrational and try to enjoy his life more instead of being worried about what the Maresh family may think of his actions.
On the other side, Holland is aware that he has to be the one to sacrifice himself with the Inheritor business. He offered himself to Osaron at first, offered himself again as bait. Holland is ready to die because that is the logical solution to all of this. What it must be done. It is now Holland who is thinking like Kell: sacrifice is the right thing to do and I have to do it. Holland wants to end the circle because he knows that Antari power is a blessing but mostly a curse.
kell being absolutely whipped for lila and constantly thinking about her in a gathering of shadows and literally thinking of her incessantly while kissing another woman and going "lila, lila, he'd even considered using blood magic to find her" while the whole time lila is like "kell frowns a lot he's so silly!" is the absolute funniest thing in the world to me. like the difference in how they think about each other is so good kell is waxing poetry about how he sees lila everywhere while lila is like i have this tiny voice in my head telling me i'm being dumb and it sounds exactly like kell and it's lowkey annoying IT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY
