Sorrow Over a Body That Doesn’t Work
It’s 2pm. I peel myself out from under the covers & groan. The air is thick as concrete & every breath is excruciating as I sit on the edge of the bed holding back tears. Some days it really is just about the pain
but some days-
Some days it’s about falling when you’re just trying to get into the drivers seat, so tired you can’t even trust your joints to hold you up, so tired, but who else would drive you home?
Some days it’s thinking about the life you could have had, no, the life you should have had, with a mind & body that wouldn’t fail you.
The ghost of who I could have been haunts me on days like these, & I catch myself grieving the overlooked things- a job, an apartment, a Saturday morning hike or a night our with friends.
It’s 2pm & I just woke up, already exhausted, but who else will get my medicine? Who else will do the laundry? Who else will take me to my appointment?
I have no choice but to get up.