#kelly ranting

[rabu-raibu]

[rabu-raibu]

I've realized that all of the things that normally cheer me up or make me happy don't anymore.

This website used to be an escape but now it just depresses and/or disgusts me.

Watching shows doesn't help distract me from life.

Playing video games doesn't help.

Talking to friends only gives temporary relief and then when I'm alone again I immediately become depressed.

I don't have time to read and never feel like picking up a book.

Thinking about cosplay excites me some but I also get stressed about spending any money on it and not having any of it done.

Sleeping also only offers temporary time to not think. Showering doesn't help at all and neither does "just relaxing" (doing absolutely nothing).

The only thing that makes me genuinely happy is seeing Nick and that is extremely unhealthy. I've already been seeing someone and that doesn't seem to be working either. I'm getting to the end of my rope and have frequent breakdowns and if this continues I'm just going to give up all together.

[rabu-raibu]

[rabu-raibu]

Personal crap ignore this. 

[rabu-raibu]

I'm extremely frustrated with the situation that I'm in right now. My parents don't have a whole lot of money so I'm trying to get a job to pay for most things right now. But I can't start working until a week after I fill out paperwork which I need my birth certificate for. Which was lost for almost a week now. And I'm in the process of buying textbooks right now which are WAY TOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE and some of them aren't at any of the four bookstores around campus. So that's just fantastic. And as a side note I'm still gaining weight and it's showing and I'm really unhappy with my entire appearance right now. 

So that's that. Please don't reply to this because people do that and I appreciate the support but I really just want to rant to nothing and then forget about all of it after.

[kuroko-no-phantom]

I really don't want to go to school well more like I don't want to go to math

[kuroko-no-phantom]

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person that gets frustrated because there is not enough fem!russia fanfic

[rabu-raibu]

This is why I don't play video games

So because I wasn't allowed to have any video games as a kid I never got good at playing anything. NOW when I get the chance to play I don't because I don't like everyone else (who's actually good) laughing at me. So I sit and just watch even though I want to play :P