The day passed by slowly, painfully so, given the last few week’s frenzies with the rut season. Kha’dra felt uneasy and went to Dha’ra’s house, he was sure that -unlike his own-, Dha’ra’s house wouldn’t stink of mating and hormones.
“You know what I want?”, Kha’dra asked while stretching over Dha’ras’s neatly done bed. He felt funny, to say the least, ever since the last rut season, he didn’t feel at ease, as if something was missing, something of great importance.
“What?”, Dha’ra replied from his desk, his concentrated gaze never leaving his project, a project that would be on somebody’s skin that same week-, ‘if approved’, Dha’ra would say, but who would be so stupid as to reject one of Dha’ra’s creations anyway?
“I think, maybe-”. “You don’t know what you want yourself.”
“Of course I do. I want a mate, a permanent one”. “A mate?... Rut season has barely ended, you still have bruises”. Kha’dra checked his arm at the remark, his dark skin carrying the remnants of fading bruises from his partners, the memories gave him brief joy before his mood turned grey again. “That doesn’t mean anything.”
Dha’ra shook his head, stretching his arm and sighing from the strain of working for so long. “Rut season does things to you, maybe you’d want to wait a while more before hunting for a mate. Some people go back to their rut partners for one reason or another”.
Kha’dra huffed, sitting up and leaning against the bed frame, “Would you?... Go back to a rut partner, I mean.”
Dha’ra’s hand stilled over his tablet. “I know you had your...Well, your nights out, as well.”. “Everyone has needs.”,Dha’ra said, placing his pen on its stand and reaching for his water bottle.
“Exactly, but now that you’re fine, what would make you think about calling whoever was it that helped you through the season?”, Kha’dra knew he was pushing a line, Dha’ra wasn’t one for sharing his intimacy with anyone, he could only hope Dha’ra understood what he was feeling and his sudden curiosity.
Long seconds of silence passed by as Dha’ra drank from his bottle, obviously not keen on having to speak again, and about such tender matter as well. “It….Depends”, he started, Kha’dra knew not to interrupt, or else Dha’ra would simply close up again.
“We are not the same, Kha’dra. Our reasons would be different, maybe what makes you happy would be...too much for me, and vice versa.”, Dha’ra sighed, getting up from his chair. Dha’ra pulled a tress tie from his wrist and pulled his blackish locks up as he walked out of the room, Kha’dra following close behind.
“Have you ever thought about having a life partner? Someone to spend your days with? I mean, I know you like being alone and all but-”, Dha’ra turned back to give him a look as he finished tying his tresses up in a topknot. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m just trying to understand you”.
Dha’ra nodded and kept walking, taking a turn in the corridor and entering his kitchen, Kha’dra still following suit. “I enjoy being able to work with no distractions, but that doesn’t mean I like being alone.”
“Sometimes, yes. And yes, I have thought about having a life mate”. That caught Kha’dra off guard, he hummed expectantly as Dha’ra opened the fridge, taking out sandwiches he probably made when Kha’dra said he was coming over.
“And?”, Kha’dra urged, gently, very gently. Dha’ra sighed, handing Kha’dra his food, “And I don’t have my hopes up.”, Kha’dra deflated, “Ah.”,“Lifemates are special, a bond is formed, different from everything you’ve ever felt or seen before, It’s not...it’s different from rut season mates, Kha’dra”. Dha’ra was older than Kha’dra, Dha’ra knew how to climb by the time Kha’dra was born, their mothers tried to have their sucklings at the same time, but it all fell through when Dha’ra’s mother conceived and Kha’dra’s mother didn’t. Kha’dra was born four rut seasons later than Dha’ra.
Dha’ra’s and Kha’dra’s age difference might not have been that big but for Kha’dra, Dha’ra was like a much older brother, wise and responsible, things Kha’dra lacked in himself, or so he thought. Maybe Dha’ra hardened up when he fought back jokes and threats when he started pursuing his artistic career instead of ‘the glorious’ one, lost some of his sensibility to criticism and jests from their clanmates and from the world as well.
Whatever it was, Dha’ra, even at a young age, was wise enough that Kha’dra knew to listen to him when he actually talked more than just a few words.
“Bonding is eternal. You may ruin the bond, the two individuals may separate, die and so on-, but the bond is always there, it bends but never snaps. Making someone your life mate is more than just hunting together. The old ways are slowly being surpassed by this and the generations to come, but the principle of bonding is still there, the companionship.”
Kha’dra looked at the sandwich in his hand, suddenly not hungry anymore, “...Like I’mara and Dak’hir?”, Kha’dra said, looking back up at Dha’ra.
“Precisely. Dak’hir and I’mara grew up together, different clans but same team, fought in their Chiva together, parted ways in profession but never in their hearts, they bonded and lived together for years. The stress and what I can assume were personal problems split them up, causing Dak’hir to vanish to Earth for many cycles and I’mara to overwork himself into fatigue and disinterest for his own kind.”, Dha’ra sighed, walking over to his kitchen table along with Kha’dra, “Suffering for love is something I don’t intend on doing, when Dak’hir came back he wasn’t the same, he was never the same, I’mara as well. Knowing someone so well and then suddenly not knowing them anymore, not knowing yourself anymore...I don’t want that.”, Dha’ra said, opening the sandwich wrap as Kha’dra took everything he said in.
Dha’ra was about to take his first bite, lowering his food again when Kha’dra finally spoke up, “Maybe you just gotta risk it sometimes.”
“Maybe.” Came the simple answer.
