#kibbarks

[kibbull]

They’re hunting us for sport

[kibbull]

Hey guys, how are we all feeling? I’m definitely feeling

Real talk though, I’m overjoyed that they felt comfortable and safe enough to make that video. They have finally gotten the opportunity to tell their story how they want to tell it and by their own volition. I genuinely could not be happier for them, I feel. After all of the time spent under enormous and unprecedented scrutiny, they made it out and finally get to just enjoy existing exactly as they are. I may not have been here for the entire journey (joining late at some point this recent March), but I cannot say I am anything but proud of them and of the community that they have currently cultivated.

[Unnecessarily extensive thoughts continued under the cut 👍]

I also feel that, given the current state of various world affairs, the sentiments they have shared could not have come at a better moment. At a time where many of us might find ourselves feeling afraid to simply exist again or feel threatened or trapped by the prospect of having to choose between living a personal truth and maintaining personal safety and security, seeing that it is possible to not only be queer but to also be queer and happy is so, so important. While it did take me some time to process my thoughts and feelings after watching the video because I couldn’t quite parse through how I felt other than knowing that whatever emotion it was could only be described as “big” and “overwhelming”, after sitting down and mulling over it for a little, I do think I have figured it out.

I left that video with one primary takeaway: a profound sense of hope. For the future, for myself, for where I might end up. For where we, as a general society, could one day find ourselves. Things have been bleak, yes. It feels almost as if every headline and every breaking story has been something out of a nightmarish absurdist political satire — and that is terrifying. But in all of this, in this situation we are all in, there is hope. Whether it is the state of the world that scares you or your place in life (a good mix of both, in my case), there is a future waiting for you if you just stick it through to the end. At the end of the day, truly, we all must hope we will have our own story to tell and that we will also be able to embrace who we are for exactly as we are.

To get somewhat more personal and to shift my focus to the community, I must also say I agree with Dan’s opinion that the Phandom is currently one of the best fandom spaces to be in. While yes, there are parts of the phandom that are currently consumed by negativity and controversy, I do believe that remains a constant across any online community, large or small. When setting aside this small fraction of encounters, genuinely I do believe my time — as long as my six months here has allowed me — in the Phandom has been incredibly healing. Through the community and the precedent set by Dan and Phil, I have felt so much more personally accepting and proud of my own identity. I have been able to work through so much internalized shame and also some of the unexpected internalized homophobia I had somehow obtained from other young primarily queer communities. While it took me several attempts to watch Basically, I’m Gay to the end (due to the litany of minor triggers I have), doing so allowed me to process and understand that some of my experiences weren’t okay and I was allowed to feel hurt by them. I have almost always been semi-openly queer in that, in many irl spaces, it’s been something of an open secret. I don’t tell everyone by any means and I still am hesitant and careful regarding who I tell, but it remains something I admit freely. I have always been the sort that would get responses such as “I knew” or “I had a feeling” as well, for whatever that is worth. But even as someone who makes very little effort to disguise my queer identity as gay and transgender (other than frantic effort to prevent my family from learning such while I was in high school), I have experienced actions from other members of local queer groups that have deeply effected me and felt almost sickening. Regardless, I have not had this experience in the phandom. I have felt incredibly welcomed and have met many great and creative people through this community, for which I am so grateful.

It is here that I will give a brief warning for lightly described verbally homophobic actions. I still remember being 17, a senior in high school. I was deep in the trenches of my first relationship, but I hadn’t exactly considered how my partner at the time was the sort who knew and spoke with a wide variety of people. I would talk to those in my classes, but I primarily stuck with the same close few that I knew I could engage in deeper conversation with. I remember my school also had established a GSA either that year or the year prior, though I could almost never attend meetings due to my own schedule. My partner though was highly involved in the GSA and seemed to know just about everyone and, consequently, I became known to all of these people that I only really knew by name as acquaintances as simply my ex’s boyfriend. This followed with several instances of some of the students that knew me only in that shallow capacity (usually Freshman) pointing at me when they saw me passing in the halls and very loudly announcing the f-slur while giggling as if it were some funny joke we were all in on. This behavior would worsen if I dared show any form of affection for my partner whatsoever. Given those that did this were all decently young at the time and coming off the heels of spending middle school in quarantine, I understand why these individuals may not have thought twice about the implicit harm of their actions, but I can and have accepted that they did hurt me. I did not really know the people making those jokes, and they certainly weren’t at a level of friendship where I could joke around about those topics. While I may have been ambiguously open about my queerness, it still felt violating for my right to share that aspect of myself to be taken from me, especially in such a vulgar way like calling me a homophobic slur in a hallway full of other people I didn’t know. Regardless of if they were also queer and “could” make those jokes, I did not know them well and they took away my autonomy regarding my own identity.

When Dan and Phil discussed how their personal information being shared and their identity and relationship being dragged out into the light against their will in the recent video, I felt incredibly seen. It is such a vulnerable and raw sentiment that just struck me. While I certainly cannot begin to understand how difficult it must have been for them just in terms of scale, I do think it highlights why this video was so important. This is something that so many queer folk might find at least somewhat reflects their own experiences, and that is crucial right now. It is such an authentic experience shared in part by so many of us, and having that pain acknowledged and validated while simultaneously seeming to say “wait for the future, things will be okay and one day you’ll comfortably get to live solely as yourself” is vital. This video felt healing. Monumentally so for Dan and Phil themselves, but also in the implications and messages shared to their current audience that they have cultivated. We might not know what the future holds for us, but it could be fantastic if we just stick around to find out. We, queer folk, exist, and we can be happy and we can heal. Things will be okay.

All that having been said, I’m glad to be here and I’m glad I get to exist alongside everyone right now. To whatever insanity may come our way, cheers 🫡

[I’m almost tempted to sign this off like some kind of email. That truly would be a jarring return to my original modus operandi from when I first starting posting my art on the internet 8 years ago, wouldn’t it lol. Might as well]

-Ian

[kibbull]

Merry one year danniphersary to me !! :D

I have now been here an entire year which is kind of insane I think (seeing as previously my interests would only ever last a month or two). Thank you to the Sister Daniel edit that graced my TikTok fyp a year ago and also to @smthwckd for recommending me a selection of Dan and Phil videos after sending said aforementioned edit to him lol

My festivities for the day (beyond doing my coursework, unfortunately) are rewatching my first few dnp videos— those being: Dan and Phil Play Cards Agaisnt Humanity [2018], Cards Against Humanity PHAN EDITION, Gays Against Humanity, and Dan and Phil Ruin Their Careers - CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY! (In that order). And also planning a Terrible Influence rewatch to also celebrate a year since the TIT livestream ! :D

Clearly, my Pal knew exactly what videos to recommend to send me down the rabbit hole lmao. Looking through the archives, I had literally watched 40 or so Dan and Phil videos in that first week after getting into them lol. I was literally spending every free moment with a video queued up on my phone

Seeing as this is of personal significance to me (because I find it important to mark certain days throughout the year for celebration even if the reason for doing so is “trivial”. It divides the year up into little sections starting and ending with nice little things to remember which helps deflect a bit of the dread when you think too hard about the continuous nature of time yes yes), l’d also usually draw something to commemorate the occasion, but I’m going to have to settle for a few Phil notebook pen doodles I did a bit ago and a phone doodle from the other day as I’m currently down half a dominant hand (it’s being braced rn. I can hold my stylus but I do nottt have any actual dexterity with it smh). He’s very fun to doodle lol

I’m pretty sure I also have some notebook Dan doodles but there’s more of those in my last notebook. Phil and my various ocs have taken over my current one lol

Anyway! A year later and I’m glad to still be here in the phandom :) it’s honestly been a great time and honestly a little bit healing! Here’s to more antics in the coming year 🙂‍↕️

[kibbull]

Good to know my assumption of Dog Dan and Rat Phil from my phresh phandom phase was accurate according to the latest. I am chuffed

(Did I ever even post the Dog Dan doodles???)

I need to draw them again

[kibbull]

Something tells me “can I get a nya?” Is going to be something I unwillingly say a LOT in the near future. Thanks, Dan Howell

Everyone should be slightly scared

The return of the Ian “Nya” era will be terrifying for us all. Me included

Came close with Timmy/Timothy Timepiece a bit ago but avoided it becoming an ongoing thing. This time I am not so sure of my luck LMAO

[kibbull]

satan what are you doing are you out for blood again

[kibbull]

i love your art! it’s great to see more furry dnp out there.

Hi !! Sorry for how long it took me to answer this, I forget to check my inbox sometimes

Thank you!! And I agree! It’s so fun to draw them as creatures, especially with how much they make jokes along those lines (though I must say that it’s an inevitability whenever I join a fandom that someone’s going to get drawn as a furry or a pony or something)

[kibbull]

us!!!!

Real and true !!

(Insert the is this Dan and Phil doodle you did for my birthday last year)