I was drunk not really drunk but I was tipsy and my friend got wasted and it was hell to see her like that and it was a struggle to get her home and I am just upset about disappointing my mom and my aunt who had to know about this. I'm not mad at my friend, I love her and she knows it I will never let her down when she's fucked up but right now I am ranting about people from school who are real downers and I just need this credit for summer classes and I am just let down and I don't want this to be a 'never forgive, never forget situation'.
I was just in a crisis and I am so so let down and how can I call you friends. At least you could have texted and not have told me when it's 1am and I happen to be active on Twitter. I have a phone. You use and borrow my phone ALL THE TIME to call or text and I do not mind even though my mom tells me that I shouldn't because at the end of it, it's me who has to carry a burden, I have to pay for the bills and everything and ya'll are just a bit of downers ugh and I am still not equally accepted in this group even though I was there at the beginning.
You all still think I am this crazy, annoying, self-absorbed bitch who has no life other than concerts, boys and fandoms and no worried in life other than the aforementioned things. You all probably think you are better than everyone but in reality you end up looking like a bunch of self-obsessed, judgmental hypocrites. I may be like this but at least I try my best to be honest. At least I try to care. At least I give effort. For once I'd want to be acknowledge by normal terms and not have to feel like I have to grovel for it.
Sometimes, I feel that I made the wrong choice and should have attended university closer to home. Because I'm lonely all the time. I want to be alone because I don't want to impose. I know you have all your personal problems too. But I am just so lonely all the time and it sucks. We seem to be more like acquaintances rather than actual friends. And now, during my ranting sober and all I feel like a little shit for being so selfish.
I miss Hannah and Cor and my parents and my brother and being important. I tend to ignore about my friends from high school because there's so much going on but I think I'm the kind of friend that won't talk to you but still care. I always care. And I will make time to make amends. I will dislike you and hate you but I care.
This whole rant is nonsense now so just ugh I needed to get that out. I am just so pissed and disappointed. I'm shallow and selfish and everything sucks because I care too much.
