Tired But Never of You (Part 4)
warning: cursing
Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5
wordcount: 6.5k+
It has been six months since you started your training with Sanemi and your speed and agility were the skills that you were the proudest of. Your level was still a few pars below Sanemi’s, but you were catching up quickly and it’ll probably take you a few more months before you would be as fast as him, much to your delight. However, in terms of battle, you were “just shit” according to him. You mentioned to him that you wanted to try out for the final selection during dinner one time and that was how you found out how he sees you in battle. Although Sanemi has his gentler side, when it comes to training sessions, he was simply the devil. No wonder he didn’t have any tsuguko under him, people were mostly too terrified to even come close to him, let alone apply for the position, and based on his personality, you doubted that he would even bother to scout for one. From what you gathered, that man only liked doing a handful of things - killing demons, hunting demons, playing with his pet beetle or any furry animals and eating ohagi. When he’s not out hunting or slaying demons, Sanemi is on patrol and if he travels too far to make it back home, he’ll stay out the night, but you can always be sure that he’ll return before you wake up the next morning. You are both a late sleeper and riser, which was something he hated because he liked to start training at the break of dawn and you often find your pillow and futon ripped away from you when he wakes you up for the training sessions. You mostly started your day fuming and quarreling with him but your swordsmanship skills somehow satisfied his standards when you fought with anger.
This morning, however, you were surprised to find yourself waking up naturally with the sunlight seeping in through the cracks of the windows. You blinked a couple of times before pinching yourself on the cheek, thinking you were in a dream. The only time Sanemi would let you sleep in is when he was out on a mission for a couple of days and would not be there to wake you up, but he didn’t mention that he was going on one to you the night before. Startled, you snapped your head to where he was sleeping and your mouth dropped open in shock to see his figure laying next to you. You slowly inched closer to him, half wondering if this was a new tactic he was using to test your fighting skills. Maybe he’ll pounce on you the moment you let your guard down. Half of the futon had been kicked off his upper body, exposing his chest and you saw that he was sweating and breathing heavily.
“Nemi?” You whispered, a trembling hand reaching to touch his forehead. “I’m going to touch you now, please don’t twist my arm. This is not an attempted attack.” You almost laughed at what you said. Part of your training with Sanemi is to give each other surprise attacks and you were hoping that his reflexes wouldn’t work on you when he’s sleeping. Sanemi cracked his eyes open by an inch when he felt a cold hand touching his forehead.
“What?” He coughed and started to sit up, groaning when he felt a headache taking over. Curse that damn demon last night, Sanemi guessed that he must have caught a cold after slipping and falling into a river accidentally while he was out on his job.
You frowned at him and laid on half of his body to force him to lay back down. “You’re having a fever, Shinazugawa-sama.”
“Ditch the formalities, y/n, you know I hate it. I have to patrol the perimeters today,” Sanemi told you shortly, but didn’t attempt to get up again, enjoying your fingers that were massaging his scalp to relieve his headache.
“I’ll tie you up if you don’t get some rest. I’ll take over for you, your only job for today is to sleep.”
“But-”
You interrupted him sternly, “No but’s. It’s not going to be dangerous, you’ve been exterminating all demons that wander into your territory all the time, I’ll be fine.” You waited for his reply but couldn’t hear anything. “If I run into a demon, I’ll just run and hide. You said it yourself that I’m pretty good in ambushing and hiding my presence.”
A few minutes passed after you said that and just as you thought Sanemi had fallen asleep, he started speaking again, “Fine. Maybe just go halfway and come back. Sourai!”
A crow came hopping into the room and you thought you saw it bowing at Sanemi in the dark. “Yes, master.”
Before Sanemi could give the crow his instructions, you spoke first. “Morning Sourai, would you mind getting some medicine for Shinazugawa-sama from the Butterfly estate? I believe he’s having a fever.” The crow looked over at Sanemi in response and after receiving a nod from the pillar, it bowed its head again and promptly flew off. You shook your head and chuckled at its departure, just like his master, the crow never takes orders from anyone other than the superior he acknowledges.
“Where are you going?” Sanemi’s arm snaked around your waist and held you closer to him when you tried to leave his futon. “You don’t need to set out early if you’re only patrolling half the perimeter.”
“To cook porridge for the sickly.” You pushed his arm away and rolled out of bed, catching him sulking. “Suck it up, Nemi. You can’t have anything else other than that.”
“Fine. Be quick about it.” Sanemi huffed. He wanted you to cuddle him until Sourai returns with the medicine but couldn’t bring himself to say the words. Instead, he held your hand and kissed your wrist before turning over to face the other side. You laughed at his embarrassment and lightly kissed his cheek before you hurried over to the kitchen, blushing furiously yourself. Both of you liked the affection you showered each other with during your private time, but are always too embarrassed to keep it up for more than a few seconds. Sanemi had fallen asleep by the time you returned to his room and you quietly left the porridge and a huge jug of water near him before getting dressed. After a second thought, you took his nichirin sword along with you too. Just in case.
Durability was equally as important as speed in battles, something Sanemi has told you on more than one occasion. Of course, one wouldn’t survive without having useful brain cells too. That was another line he added after realising how crappy you were in fighting. It wasn’t because you weren’t able to pick up on wind breathing, you had memorised all nine forms from the get-go and were able to do them well, but never applied them during your fights and often resorted to spontaneous rhythms instead. On a couple of occasions when you focused hard on using the forms, your speed and agility will decrease immensely and your level was probably worse than an amateur. Sanemi was particularly exasperated over this and no matter how many punishments he gave out to correct you of your mistake, nothing ever changes. If you could barely able to apply the breathing style correctly, how the hell could he let you go to the final selection? Sometimes you wonder if you disappoint him by not applying the techniques.
Not heeding Sanemi’s request, you decided to finish patrolling the entire perimeter before heading home. If you run fast enough, you should be able to make it home in time to cook dinner and to check on him. You just hope that he wouldn’t come and search for you while feeling sick, hopefully Sourai would peck him every time he attempts to leave his bed. Time should be something blurry to him now that he’s running with a fever and hopefully he wouldn’t notice that you were gone a couple hours too long. By early evening, you have reached the end of Sanemi’s territory and took a ten minutes break by the lake, watching the sun set and letting the cool breeze cool you down. Okay, so you weren’t back in time to cook dinner, but if you ran all the way without stopping, you should be able to reach home in about an hour. Halfway through sprinting through the woods, you heard a woman wailing loudly for her lost child. You didn’t make your presence known and peeked at her from behind some bushes, shocked to see her covered in blood and scratches and her wooden hut almost completely ruined. Her husband came home just when you were about to show yourself.
“Dear! Our baby! A monster took our baby!” sobbed the wife hysterically. “I left him in his crib for a few minutes to bring in more firewood and when I came back I saw it hovering over his crib and it took him!”
She must have fought against the demon to get her child back, judging by her appearance and the state of the house. The injury on her looked fresh and you were sure the demon was not far away and started your pursuit, knowing that if you head home to report this to Sanemi, the pillar might be too late to rescue the child. You could only hope the demon wasn’t hungry enough to devour the baby on its way to its hiding place, it could easily do so in just a couple of bites. You knew which direction to go because the woman kept screaming and pointing towards the west and soon saw the muddy trail the demon had left behind.
You thought it was odd that the demon didn’t kill the mother and figured it was just because it feast solely on children. Sanemi did mention some demons have a preferred type of food they like to consume. It must be some new demon that had wandered into Sanemi’s terrority, otherwise, it would have been killed by the pillar already. When you caught a giggle coming not too far off, you began to slow your breathing to a stop to prevent it from hearing you, only taking in breaths from time to time. That was a technique you liked to use to conceal your presence, even Sanemi couldn’t hear you when you did that. You hopped from tree to tree to conceal your movements further and a chill ran down your spine when you saw the demon was cuddling the baby close to its chest, singing hoarsely to it to try to calm it down from crying. It was heavily overweight and the tattered kimono it had on looked like it was going to burst from holding all the demon’s flesh in. You couldn’t see its face for its long hair had covered it completely. The baby’s cry grew louder when the demon brought it closer to her face and you knew you had to do something quick. Silently, you slid down the tree and went behind the demon to ambush it, drawing out Sanemi’s blade and clutching it between your hands tightly. You’ve never slayed a demon before and were told that their necks can be tough to cut at times, hopefully this demon’s an exception.
“You’re coming at me the wrong way.”
Some dark liquid came flying out from the back of the demon’s head and caught you right in the eyes. You screamed in both shock and pain and vigorously tried to wipe the liquid off your eyes with your sleeves. Sniggering, the demon stood up straighter and the curtain of hair revealed its one eye and mouth. Then it made a 180 degrees turn and showed off the other side of its head, which had another eye and a nose. The baby in its arms screamed louder as you tried not to panic. You gripped the sword tightly in your hands, afraid that it’ll slip out of your clutch when moment you loosen your fingers. “Let that baby go and I’ll let you go.”
The demon laugh, its shrill laughter carried by the wind. “You think you’re in any position to threaten me, y/n?” Your eyes almost buldged out from your head and you freaked out internally. It should be impossible for it to know your name. “My, my, how you have grown. I wouldn’t have recognised you if you hadn’t have that same stupid scared look you wore on your face. Whatever happened to your elegant manners I’ve taught you to follow since you were a child? It’ll be a waste of my time if you hadn’t followed them, wouldn’t it? Also, are you impressed by my skills? That was a venomous spit that can make you go blind.”
Shit, and you caught two eyefuls of the venom, but that isn’t the worst issue at hand right now. “How- how-?” You trembled, coming to terms that the demon in front of you was your stepmother. You recognised the voice now. “Where’s your son?”
That was clearly the wrong question to ask. The demon glared at you and you heard it inch closer, causing you to back away. “The audacity.” You heard her hissed. “They took him to the red district as a slave after you wouldn’t give yourself up. Wanted to kill me too, but I got away. Oh yes, I did, but I couldn’t save my poor baby. All alone at a strange place, poor boy must be scared out of his wits. That’s why I need to become a stronger demon, y/n, he told me I need to eat humans, only then I can save my own baby. Now if you’ll excuse me.” As she spoke, the size of her mouth grew bigger and got closer to the baby’s head, preparing to eat it.
‘Sixth form, Black Wind Mountain Mist.’
You forced yourself to move, but only aimed to slice off the top half of her head. You hadn’t dared to make any big movements because you didn’t want to hurt the baby accidentally. The attack caused the demon to scream in anguish and its hands went to its head in pain after dropping the baby. You dived forward and managed to catch it just seconds before the baby falls on the ground. You held the baby close to your nose and sniffed for blood, but could smell nothing and sighed in relief. You were at a disadvantage now and knew you have to leave quickly, you could try fending yourself against the demon with a child in hand and a pair of blind eyes, but didn’t want to risk accidentally leaving an open gap for the demon the snatch the baby back.
“How dare you! How dare you! How dare you! How dare you!” The demon screamed and kicked your face, causing you to fly towards the opposite direction. Your breath got knocked out of your body when your back crashed against the tree trunk. The demon extended its long arms towards you, aiming to wrap them around your neck, but you easily deflected and sliced them off when you felt the change of the wind. “Give the baby back to me, you useless wretch! Or I’ll eat you too!” The demon threatened.
But you were off before the demon could finish her sentence, running as fast as you could and depending on your memory of what the forest is like. However, you felt that you were just running around in circles with the demon on your trail and it was difficult to pinpoint her exact location or tell where you were exactly when you have a screaming infant in a hand. There was no way you could hide either since the baby just wouldn’t stop crying and that would certainly give your location away. Honestly, the infant was giving you more anxiety than the demon because you were certain you weren’t holding him properly. You knew that you have to hold them by their necks and that they shouldn’t be shaken around too much in case they’ll get a head trauma. You have already been slowing down your speed in running to try to protect him from as much harm as possible, but you still couldn’t help but think that you were harming him in some way. Should you just stop and attempt to fight the demon instead? If you leave the baby on the ground unattended, what are the chances of him getting snatched and devoured straight away? Damn it, if only you have your sight, things would be a hell lot easier.
Suddenly you heard a caw from above you, “Go left!”
Without hesitation, you listened to Sourai’s instructions and ran in that direction, grateful that the crow has managed to find you. It could only mean two things, either Sanemi isn’t too far away or he sent Sourai to come and check on you, hopefully it’s the latter because you didn’t want him to catch you being chased by a demon. He’ll likely go beserk because you didn’t keep to your word of running and hiding. Sourai did a splendid job in guiding you out of the forest, shouting directions at you and warnings of any tree roots or holes you came across. You knew you were heading towards the open space in the middle of the forest when you felt the air become crisp. You could practically feel the demon’s arms around your neck and decided to use the first form of wind breathing to slow it down and to put some distance between yourself and it. The demon’s painful screech told you you hit your mark and you were growing more confident that you’ll be able to hold your own.
“y/n!”
You swore you could burst out in tears of happiness when you heard Sanemi yelling your name. He was running towards you from the other direction and his eyes widened when he saw the ugly demon chasing after you with its arms stretched. After the attack, you made a hasty decision to throw Sanemi’s nichirin sword at him in hopes that he would catch it and slice off the demon’s head. You have no idea if it had generated since you were blinded and didn’t want to risk getting too close to it again. To stay out of Sanemi’s way, you dived and hide behind a nearby boulder, holding the baby tightly against your chest. Sanemi caught his sword in mid air and just as he was about to go after it to finish it off, the demon’s head fell off its shoulders and its body crumbled onto the ground. Leaving it to turn to dust, Sanemi approached you. When you heard him coming over, you panicked and wanted to distract his attention away from your eyes. Your eyes felt like they were on fire or were being gauged out of their sockets and whenever you produced tears, the pain intensified. You thrust the crying child into his arms before he could protest. Having to have cared for his younger siblings when they were babies before, Sanemi automatically started to coax the baby. You listened in wonder as his crying ceased.
“He’s asleep.” Sanemi told you, moving to show you the sleeping baby. He thought you would squeal about how adorable the baby is, but was taken aback when he heard your unfriendly tone.
“Return the kid to his parents first, I’m sick of hearing him cry.” You told Sanemi before promptly standing up and making your way to the nearby pond, trying to hold yourself together. Maybe the demon was lying about the venom, it should be impossible that its mere spit would blind you. Judging by how inexperienced it was in both combat and hunting its victims, your stepmother may be relatively new to the demon world. It shouldn’t be possible for her to develop her blood demon art… right?
Sanemi grabbed your arm before you could get far. He was frowning at you and tried to get a good look at your face. “What’s wrong with you?”
You tried shaking your arm off, not liking his tone at all. “Nothing! Just go and give the baby back already.”
Sanemi’s grip tighten instead. “What are those black stains on your sleeves?”
“It’s the demon’s stuff. I don’t know for sure.” A second’s delay of your journey to the nearest water source is a second more closer for the demon’s words of blinding you to come true. “I said let me go!” You aimed a kick at his foot. Not anticipating your attack, Sanemi didn’t dodge in time and got struck by your kick, causing him to let you go in surprise. You bit your tongue to stop yourself from yelping in pain, feeling certain that you must have kicked a nearby rock instead of him. Not waiting to explain your situation to him, you ran further into the forest for a pond. You have to hurry now.
“Tch.” Sanemi swore he would hit you on the head if you hadn’t gotten away. Deciding to return the baby to his parents first, he went the other way. He cooed and pat the baby’s chest rhythmically when the baby had woken up halfway. ‘Such a feeble being.’ He thought as the baby played with his fingers and eventually held onto his pinky tightly. He paused, letting the foreign and yet familiar feeling overwhelm him. The moment was lost when he heard a woman wailing and a man shouting threats at a nonexistent demon not too far away. “You’re lucky y/n saved you, you know. That must be your parents.” Sanemi told the baby, letting him suck on his finger as he made his way towards the baby’s parents.
Sourai, on the other hand, had followed you, knowing that his master would send him to search for you once he had handed the baby over, might as well do the job first and report back to him later. He perched himself on a tree branch and watched you as you washed your eyes and got rid of the remaining spit from your face. However, the gentle repetitive movements soon turned into furious and then desperate ones that resulted in you driving violent blows to the sides of your head. The crow was alarmed and flew closer to you to check on you. You shrieked when you felt something tickled your hand but calmed down once you heard it was Sourai.
“What’s the matter?” The crow asked you gently. You were taken aback by his tone, for you never heard him spoke in that manner before. Desperate for comfort, you reached for the crow and hugged him, sobbing into his feathers.
“Sourai, I can’t see! I really can’t see anything! Everything’s black.”
“Are you sure it’s not because you’re looking at my feathers and wiping your tears with them?”
“Sourai! I’m not kidding! I’m fucking blind!”
“Sorry,” You felt the crow’s wing mimicking a pat on your head. “I didn’t see your confrontation with the demon, only saw it chasing after you and you getting lost in the woods.” Sourai paused and spoke quietly. “You already lost your sight then, haven’t you?”
“Mh-hm.” You hicupped. “I still want to see, Sourai. I’m still so young, I can’t be blind. If I can’t see anything, I wouldn’t be able to train for the final selection and Sanemi wouldn’t want me as his tsugoku if I applied for it.”
“There is the rock pillar who’s blind. Maybe you can be like him.” Sourai told you, finally having enough of the close approximation and hopping out of your embrace. But that only made your wail louder. “Don’t panic. I’ll fly to the Insect pillar and see if she has a cure. Can you tell me the gist of your condition?”
“My eyes burned when the demon’s black spit landed in them. Even now they’re still burning, but it doesn’t hurt as much as before. Tears make the pain worse.” You wondered if it was because you were getting used to the pain and wished you were able to shut your eyes quicker. Maybe you wouldn’t be in this pathetic state if you just reacted faster.
Sourai nodded even though you couldn’t see him, “Master will be coming soon, don’t go anywhere.”
“Wait! Don’t tell him anything, Sourai! Please!”
You heard the flapping of his wings that indicated that he flew off. He’ll probably report to Sanemi about your whereabouts before setting off to find Shinobu. Hopefully she has a cure to get your sight back. You took off your shoes and dipped your feet into the cooling water, getting lost in your thoughts. If your stepmother was just a new demon or was new to her demon art, is it possible for the venom to only last a couple of hours or days? If she blinded her victims before eating them, she herself wouldn’t know if the venom would wear off.
“That was pretty reckless of you.” The hair on the back of your neck stood up when you heard Sanemi speak from behind you. You listened closely as he sat down on the empty spot next to you. Sanemi noticed your tensed shoulders and thought you were bracing yourself for a lecture from him. Deciding to take it easy on you, he patted your head instead. “Maybe I should have let you go to the final selection a long time ago..”
You snapped your head up in his direction, momentarily forgetting to hide your eyes. You just hoped your eyeballs didn’t change colour to indicate you’ve lost your vision. “I killed it? But I threw your sword at you for you to finish the job.”
“The demon’s head fell off before I could do anything. You used the first form and killed it.” Sanemi paused. “Good jon, y/n.”
However, you gave a deep sigh and laid on the ground instead, keeping your eyes open and making Sanemi think that you were looking at the sky. If you weren’t blinded, you would have been over the moon to hear Sanemi giving you the green light to attend the final selection. “I’ll consider it, thanks Sensei.”
“Consider it?” Sanemi echoed after your words. He was finding it difficult to comprehend the way you acted. Weren’t you the one who was always eager to get his approval to go to the final selection? It was your first time encountering a demon after all, perhaps you were still in a state of shock and was still trying to process things. He’ll let it slide for now and give you a few days to calm down before asking you again. “Come on, let’s go home.” He held a hand out to you for you to help you on your feet, but his smile faltered when you stood up by yourself. On the way to Sanemi’s house, you could barely concentrate on the conversation he was trying to make with you, for you were too busy listening for his footsteps and to keep up with his strides. Not to mention you have to notice the change of the wind to avoid walking into trees or bushes. Avoiding the roots and holes in the forest was the most difficult part and you have to be careful to walk behind Sanemi without him growing suspicious. However, he would always slow down and walk next to you when he noticed you were falling behind, fueling your anxiety further.
Sanemi left you to go freshen up and take a shower once you were home. While waiting in the corridors for you to be done, Sourai came back with a pouch attached to his leg. The crow was spotted by Sanemi first and he had no choice but to land next to his master.
“Another medicine from Kochou?” Sanemi asked. “I told you I don’t need more, Sourai. My fever’s gone.”
Sourai hopped away from Sanemi’s outstretched hand. “It’s not for you, master.”
“For y/n? I didn’t smell any blood on her.” Sanemi frowned. He caught the look on the crow’s face and his frown grew deeper. “Sourai.” He called the crow’s name sternly. Giving in, the crow told Sanemi everything he knew and let Sanemi untie the pouch from his foot when he was dismissed by the pillar.
Back in the room you and Sanemi shared, you were staring hard at a candle, trying to see if you could spot the tiniest of a flame. However, everything was still pitch black for you. “Sourai, should be back from Shinobu’s by now…” You mumbled, wondering what’s taking the crow so long.
You sat up straighter when you heard the door being slid open, followed by Sanemi’s footsteps. “Hi, Nemi. How’s your fever?” You acted everything was normal and smiled in the direction where you last heard him walking. Little did you know Sanemi had purposely walked louder for you to hear and he changed his position after leading you to believe he was on your left.
“Gone.” He said gruffly as he approached you. “Why are you so close to the candle? Are you cold?”
“A little bit.” You lied. You squeaked when he hoisted you into his lap, feeling his warmth embracing you. You were blushing hard and thought you probably wouldn’t notice if the candle burned you right now. Sanemi wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his chin on your shoulder. You leaned into him to enjoy the affection.
“Better?”
“Yea-yeah.” You tried not to stutter.
“Comfy?”
You hid your face behind your hands and quietly answered him, “Yes.”
“Good.” He hummed. “Means you can tell me what happened between you and the demon.” Sanemi felt your body stiffen and held onto you tighter when you shifted in your position. You groaned, realising that you had fallen into his trap and that there was no escaping from him.
“I was coming back when I heard the mother crying about losing her baby to the demon, so I decided to track the demon down. I tried ambushing it from its behind, but I think it has eyes on the back of its head as well. The demon recognised me and it took me a while to realise it was my stepmother. While she was talking about how she wanted to get stronger and to rescue her son from the red district, I snatched the baby and just started running, but I couldn’t go very fast because I was holding the child.” You paused. “Did you manage to find his parents? I didn’t hurt him right?”
“He was fine, just tired and scared from the whole thing.” Sanemi told you. “You weren’t hurt from the fight?”
“Well, you don’t see any scratches or blood on me, do you?” You chuckled but swore you could feel his warning glare at the back of your head.
“The truth, y/n.” You remained quiet after he said that and it frustrated him further. “Do I need to strip you down and check?”
You gasped and slapped his arm. “Fuck no, you stupid perv, get away from me!”
Sanemi was reaching to undo the button starting at the bottom of your shirt. He wasn’t actually going to do it, but you didn’t know that he gets flustered easily. “Don’t make my hands wander, y/n.”
You squealed and held onto his hands tightly to stop them from moving. “Ok fine! There may be some bruises on my face and back! The demon kicked me in the face and I collided against a tree. Wait, wait, wait, I told you about my bruises!” Your breath hitch in your throat when Sanemi tugs roughly at the last button of your shirt.
“You know there’s one particular thing that I hate the most, right y/n? Mind telling me what it is?”
“Demons?” You literally couldn’t think of any other answers.
“Liars. And right now, y/n, you’re one big fucking liar yourself.” He didn’t allow you room to interrupt. “I caught Sourai when he came back from Kocho’s, mind telling me what the medicine’s for? Or do I have to force it out of you again?”
You whimpered, feeling your hand turning clammy. “The demon spat some venom that burned my eyes. She said that it will blind me.” You bit your lip nervously and trembled in his hold. “Don’t blame Sourai, I told him not to tell you anything.”
Sanemi was trying to contain his rage. “Why the fuck would you hide something this crucial from me? Do you not trust me or something?”
“It’s not that!” You started crying. “I wanted for you to consider my application as your tsuguko when I apply! I- I just didn’t want to let you down after all the training you’ve given me. I’m sorry! I’m sorry for wasting your time! I’m sorry if I disappointed you and caused you trouble! I’m sorry!”
Sanemi carefully wiped away the tears that slid down your cheek. “Hey, calm down. You’re never a waste of time or a disappointment. Not to me.”
“But you always said that I’m shit in fighting.”
“Only cause I’m a strict teacher and you don’t apply what you were taught, but when you fought against the demon earlier, you used wind breathing and killed it, didn’t you? That’s a great start.” He smiled at you even though you couldn’t see it.
"To what? Everything fell apart before something could begin." You replied bitterly. "I won't be like the rock pillar, I can never become an actual slayer."
"Don't be pessimistic, let's see what Kochou has for you first."
You wanted to feel better after hearing his words, but couldn't even bring yourself to force a smile.
Sanemi reached for the pouch Shinobu had given to you and poured the content into his hand. There was a piece of paper with a short note on it. He squinted his eyes and brought the paper closer to the candle to read it properly. Kocho has given you some pain-relief cream for your eyes, but unfortunately has no cure for the venom. He figured that would be the case and tossed the paper aside. You heard him popping something open and wondered what he was doing, but before you could ask, Sanemi started to smear something cooling around your eyes and the pain you felt was gradually lifted. He even dabbed some of the cream on the spot of your face where the demon had kicked you. As a deep sigh slipped past your lips, you relaxed and took note about how effective the cream was to pain. Sanemi carefully checked your limbs for any bruises, but could spot nothing.
“Which part of your back feels painful?” He asks you, his cheeks flushing red. You pointed to your lower back and reached over for the container, thinking he’ll let you attend to you wound yourself. “I’ll do your back for you, just go lie down.”
“Pardon?” You said dumbfounded, thinking you misheard him.
“You’re not deaf, y/n, you heard me.” Sanemi glared at you, not wanting to repeat his words.
You hesitated before agreeing. “You can’t look, okay? Turn back around only when I call you.”
“I won’t look! I’m not a pervert!” Sanemi yelled at you, his face becoming as red as a tomato. You heard him shift in his position and went to lie down in your futon. Self-conscious, you pulled the blanket over yourself and stripped off your top. Then you laid down on your stomach for a whole five minutes before deciding to call Sanemi over. Sanemi didn’t question why you were hidden under the blanket and pulled it off you once he came closer. You felt goosebumps all over your skin and was thankful that you had the brains to hide your entire head underneath your pillow, hands gripping against the corners tightly and feeling your entire body growing hot under his gaze. You barely even felt him putting the cream on you. Sanemi, on the other hand, was glad that you didn’t attempt to make small talk with him while he was doing your back, knowing well that he will keep stuttering and give his nervousness away. Dark purple and blue bruises were around the lower half of your spine and he wondered how much pain you were in as you didn’t loosen your tight grip on your pillow. He tried to be as gentle as possible, but it didn’t seem to help. Under the candlelight, he could see the long red scars that were left on your back after your father’s whips and lightly traced his fingers along them. You shifted in your futon and tried to hold in your giggle.
“You’re ticklish?” He asked you.
“A bit.” You admitted, giggling slightly. “What were you touching? I don’t think I got injured there, Sanemi.”
“Nothing, just your scars. It must have hurt.” He said sympathetically.
“I didn’t get whipped on my back that often, you should see the ones on my stomach. Those were horrible, I can’t even look at myself in front of the mirror without covering them up. Oh wait,” You laughed, “It’s not like I’ll get to see them ever again.”
“Can I see them?” He asked you, his voice almost inaudible.
“They don’t look like yours though, head’s up.” You said, but were already turning around to lay on your side. You couldn’t lie on your back cause the bruises were starting to hurt and you didn’t want to put pressure on them. You continued to hug the pillow and covered your face and chest with it, only exposing the skin of your stomach to him. Bumpy, red scars covered almost the whole of your stomach, causing Sanemi’s eyes to widen when he sees them. He had always thought your scars would look like his faded ones. You curled yourself up in a fetal position to block his view a few seconds later, not wanting him to look at them anymore. Even though you may have physically healed, but the ghosts of pain still lingered whenever you touched or thought of them.
“Why are you hiding?”
“I don’t want you to look at them. At least yours are cool.”
“I don’t think they’re ugly.”
You gasped when he laid down next to you and pulled you into his embrace, relaxing into him when he started stroking your hair. “You mean it?”
“When have I ever lied to you, y/n?”
“Never.”
When Sanemi felt your skin turning cold, he pulled the blanket over the both of you and made you hug your pillow against your chest, chuckling when he saw how red your face was as he brushed a few strands of hair out of your face. You were glad that you had something sandwiched between the both of you and weren’t touching each other directly. You felt that his gaze was on you and tried to hide your face into your pillow again, but before you could move, you felt his fingers under your chin and lifting your face up. Warm lips covered yours and you grabbed his hand that was touching your cheek, returning the gesture with a blush. Both of you barely exchanged words for the rest of the night, feeling each other’s hands wandering all over your exposed skins and enjoying each other’s warmth until sleep lured you in. You had your back pressed against Sanemi’s front as your conscious started fading and felt him pressed a kiss on your temple.
“Sleep dreams, y/n. You have me.”
