#kind classmate

[iglrufi]

I don’t care how complicated this gets, I still just want you.

my love for you was never simple anyways

[iglrufi]

I hope you choose me. I hope no matter how hard this gets, you’ll keep choosing me, as much as I have and always will choose you. Because I wish you knew how much I want you to be the first person I see every morning for the rest of my life, or how much I want to hold your hand without having to care about what anyone else would think. I want to be able to make you happy every tomorrow, even more than how happy you’ve made me yesterday and today. I love falling deeper in love with you almost as much as I love you. So please… I hope that, until the very end, we choose this, whatever it may be today and whatever it may turn out to be in the future.

[iglrufi]

I don't know what it is, this connection we have between us, I don't know if there's even a word for it. This relationship that we have, that I just do not know how to describe. But even so, I want it. Even so, I need it. Even so, I simply just love having... THIS. Whatever it may be, or ever become. I cannot, and will not, lose it.

[iglrufi]

Sometimes I look at your hands and wonder how many other hands they have touched. Sometimes I look at your lips and wonder if it has been embraced by other lips. But as I gaze into your eyes, I realize that I shouldn't really care about how many came before me. Because I know that now, at this very moment, you're with me.

[iglrufi]

Right from the start, we never looked at eachother the same way friends do, but we denied it anyways. You don't grab my arm like a friend would, and we don't ask for eachother's attention like friends do - and you expect me to believe that we're just friends? We've hurt eachother, in ways just friends could not have been able to - it's because there are feelings we've kept hidden, but secretly knew about eachother. I look at you sitting beside me, asleep with your arms around one of mine. A light chuckle escapes my mouth, as it is soon replaced with a smile. With my free hand I pat you on the head and whisper three words to your ears, hoping that a day will come when we can say it openly.

[iglrufi]

“So, what are you; ‘the one that got away’?”, you asked me with your eyes avoiding mine.

Some moments, you just know you’ll remember until you get really old. This moment was one of them.

I answered with a smile, “No, I call you something else actually. I call you ‘the one who could have been, but couldn’t be’.”

[iglrufi]

...Maybe I should've said "Hi" earlier or something, I don't really know. I don't know how to act in front of you, Sorry. I want to talk to you, I want things to be like how they were back then... But I know I'm asking for too much, Sorry again. I want to try to fix things, But I'm afraid I'll make things worse... Afraid that you probably don't want the same thing... I'm afraid. What would've happened if I tried to talk to you? Could we be friends again? Or what I mean is... Could we be whatever we were back then...? Or... Would you be hurt again...? Will this attempt to fix things only hurt you? ...You know I wouldn't want that. I don't want to avoid you forever, I don't want to keep you out of my story, But I also don't want to hurt you, I don't want to cause you any more suffering... ...Whatever happens, I hope I'll be able to tell you that I'm sorry for everything.

"...What now?" by iglrufi (11/03/016)

[iglrufi]

As you were standing right in front of me yesterday, putting pins on the performers' costumes, telling them “If it hurts tell me right away and you can hurt me back, you can just punch me or push me off the stairs”… …I wanted to tell you the exact same thing.

iglrufi (10/25/016) [p.s. I’m sorry, it’s kinda my fault, you can start hurting me back now]