Here’s the fic from the Voting Poll. Also apparently Leonard Nimoy lived life thinking he was ugly and in reality he was beautiful.
For @august-anon and whoever left me that very kind anonymous message.
WARNING: sad!spock
It all started with some simple banter in the break room. Okay, maybe it was more of an “Everyone Roast Bones Hour,” but after ten minutes of continuous jokes, Bones fought back with one of only two safe ways he knew. The other being a gentle hit, but that would probably lead to more commentary since he took an oath to do no harm. So he went with the other.
“Nohohohoho!” screeched Chekov as his ribs were attacked by the vicious doctor; his hands sliding up and down the ladder of bones.
“You shoulda thought about this before saying anything, Chekov,” said McCoy nonchalantly.
“Aye, Lad. You shouldn’t have insulted the hair on his head.”
“Thank you, Scotty.”
“Yeh shoulda gone for the hair on his arms! Thickest I’ve ever seen!”
“That’s it!” McCoy let go of Chekov and tackled Scotty to the floor, digging into his belly. Scotty screamed as laughter bolted out of his mouth. His legs kicked and he tried to roll from side to side to save his sensitive stomach.
“I don’t know why you’d make fun of McCoy’s hair,” said Kirk. “Especially since your getting a little bald spot. Is your head hair going to his arms?” Kirk had been laughing through this whole ordeal, certainly not as hard as Scotty or Chekov, but hard enough not to notice when Spock left the room. As soon as he did notice, however, he stood and left without another word and without Scotty or McCoy even knowing.
***
Spock laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling. Everything rang thorough his head - the insults, the chants, the cruel songs. Everything. The ones that stuck out the most weren’t the insults about him being part human. The ones that he remembered most was when he’d be called ugly.
Due to his human heritage and nose they’d call him, “Elephant seal.”
They’d chant, “Ugly! Ugly! Ugly!” That was a double insult, since “ugly” was a human word.
They’d sing, “Vile profile! Spock has a vile profile!” His human part thought it sounded odd, but his Vulcan part knew what they meant, so his human half hurt. His human half still hurt.
As he stood and looked at his reflection in the mirror on his wall, his fear came true. One of his deepest insecurities had grown - they always did after he had these flashbacks. When he looked in the mirror, he didn’t like what he saw. He saw an ugly crossbreed. His eyes were small, his nose was too big. He had what humans called “laugh lines” - Vulcans didn’t laugh. Or even smile. They were ugly.
He was ugly.
The more he looked at himself, the more disgusting his face became. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. It was almost as if he was frozen, left to himself and his thoughts. Humans judged by appearances. If he was ugly on Vulcan, he must look horrendous to the humans. He looked so different from them with his eyebrows and ears. How could they see him as an equal when he was so ugly?
The Vulcans thought he was ugly. The humans thought he was ugly. It had to be true. Perhaps that was why he was often treated as an outsider. Treated like he was different.
His door opened. “I thought you’d be here,” Kirk said stepping into his quarters. “I wanted to check up on you. You left so quickly that...Spock?” The half-Vulcan had turned his back to Jim, sparing him from having to look upon his monstrosity of a face. “Look at me, Spock. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, Captain,” he lied as he slowly turned to face him. “You may depart and resume comradery with the rest of the bridge crew.”
“I make the rules around here, Spock, and I’m - ”
“Starfleet makes the rules and regulations of each starship, Captain.”
“...And I’m staying. Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Is that an order, Sir?”
“...Yes.”
“I just thought it most logical to exit before everyone turned their insults toward me.”
“Ah, you mean your being half Vulcan and half human.”
“Somewhat...” Spock said quietly, turning away again. “I thought they might comment on my appearance. I thought you might.”
“What are you talking about, Spock?”
“You humans call it... ‘ugly’.””
“You are not ugly, Spock. Look at you! How many missions have we gone on where the girls were all over you?”
“Compare that to your number of occasions where females wanted your company.”
“It’s happened to you more than Bones.”
“At least he is treated well. Humans see that I am not one of them. They treat me differently for it. Sometimes they point out my difference I even say anything.”
“Spock, you know that -”
“Of course I know it! Look at me. My nose is massive. My eyes are miniscule. I have wrinkles around my mouth. I was ugly on Vulcan and I’m ugly by human standards. Two planets - two completely different species - two different cultures. Both say it in different ways. I’m ugly, Jim.”
***
“Hey, where are Jim and Spock?” Bones asked as he stood up from the floor, finally letting poor Scotty go.
“I saw ze Captain leave, but Spock was already gone,” Chekov took a sip of the drink he must have gotten while Bones was getting his revenge on Scotty, whose breathless giggles sounded in the background.
“Well I gotta get them too. Jim making fun of my arm hair and Spock is probably trying to protect him. Let’s go, Scotty.”
“’Let’s’?” Scotty asked as he sat up, finally catching his breath.
“Yes, ‘let’s,’ the two of us.”
“Why?”
“Because he made fun of your hair too!” A memory of Kirk mocking his hair played in his head, as vague as it may have been since he was distracted at the time, it still played.
“Aye, he did. Alright, Doctor; let’s go.” As soon as he was alone, Chekov shook his head with a smile.
“Zis is going to be a long night,” and took another sip of his drink.
***
Kirk sat with Spock, flabbergasted over what he just said. How could he repel the words and actions of two planets. Two separate people. Two separate cultures - wait a minute. That was it!
“Spock, I want you to listen to me now.” The Vulcan made a small sound, he was listening, even though he wouldn’t show Jim his face. “You’re part human.”
“Do not remind me.”
“Unlike Vulcans, most humans believe in the phrase ‘beauty comes from within’.”
“I’m not like you within. My heart is where your ribs should be.”
“Most humans believe that physical appearance doesn’t matter. Looks don’t define beauty, but it is how you behave that makes you beautiful. The way you speak, how you treat others, how you treat yourself. I can’t promise you that there won’t be anyone ever again who will treat you different or even say that you’re ugly. But I can promise you that you are one of the most beautiful people inside that I know.”
“What are you implying?”
“I’m saying that the people who bullied you, shouldn’t bother you anymore because they ignore the universal truth - that beauty does not come from the outside; but from inside. They looked over your beauty and proved their own ugliness. Spock, you’re intelligent, kind-hearted, and very loyal. These are three of the many things humanity knows is beautiful. You’re not ugly, Spock. And I’m lucky to have you as my first officer and friend.”
Spock didn’t know what to say, how to react. Thankfully, he didn’t have to because his door suddenly flew open to reveal a smug looking doctor and a proud engineer. Before Kirk could even speak, Bones looked at the Scotsman. “You get Jim. I’ll get Spock.” As the two of them were tickled to pieces, Spock didn’t hold back and let his laugh lines show.
