Some of the time I've invested in therapy has been dealing with the guilt I feel associated with kink, and I've come a long way. I started going to parties, finding safe spaces and most importantly: community.
Seeing others like me and realizing that we are not evil, twisted or dangerous helped me a lot.
But I still wonder often, why did I think this in the first place?
And yesterday I visited my father, a severe man, dedicated his life to philosophy, law and practicality.
We were arguing about the fact that I'm dyeing my hair black next week. He does not like this, and that's fine, he's entitled to his opinion and he can tell me about it just as much as I can tell him that I'm doing it anyway.
Then he did his thing, and went on using the same tone he uses for Kant's categorical imperative. He told me how getting a piercing, a tattoo, or dyeing one's hair are all acts of sado-masochism. Indiscernible to his eyes from self mutilation. Then, and I quote "One needs to took out for people who bite their nails and pop their pimples, because they are masochists. And - Freud already spoke about this - sadism and masochism always exist together!These people will choke you out."
It's one of those things that isn't really a mystery, I know where my guilt comes from, I know why it feels wrong to be alive like this. It's just hard to look it in the face when it's your father.
I think I handled it elegantly at least.
