#kitchen danger

[kitchenviews]

How to avoid kitchen design problems

How to avoid kitchen design problems

In this day of endless home improvement programs convincing homeowners that they can do it themselves from what they’ve learned on television, it’s important to know that designing a kitchen takes thorough planning. We all enjoy the inspiration of seeing what others have done to improve their homes. But that is not the same as having real life experience in planning and implementing an actual…

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[eatsdrinksblogs]

Microplane graters? Not f**king around. Just glanced it and didn't even know until I saw the blood

[mfotis]

The Top 10 Things In Your Kitchen That Can Kill You: #10 Your Sink

If nothing else, My Kitchen Failures is a public service, and what better public service can MKF offer than a comprehensive list of the top 10 things in your kitchen that can kill you? So, as you enter into a week filled with candy, presents and holiday cheer, allow MKF to shove a dose of caution down your throat. K? Things In Your Kitchen That Can Kill You #10 - Your Sink. [caption id="" align="alignleft" caption="Despite its abundance of counter space and vintage cabinets, this kitchen, like all kitchens, is very dangerous"]

[/caption] Your sink. It seems innocent enough. Hell, chances are some of you had your first baths in a kitchen sink, but the truth is, your sink is a potential basin of death.  Here's how. Danger: If your sink has dishes in it, you might as well open up your safe and make sure your will is visible to your family because you're basically already dead. If you have a hazmat suit, use it. There is enough bacteria on those dishes and in your sink to kill you and small gathering. Not a huge one, but a small one, like a woodwind quartet. Solutions: Do your dishes. Use only disposable dish ware. Danger: If your sink has water in it, you could be in big trouble. According to science, a person can drown in less than 2 inches of water. So, unless your sink has a depth of 1.5 inches or less, you're really asking for trouble. Solutions: Swim classes. Scuba equipment. Danger: Drain Pipe Monsters. 3 out of every 10 kitchen sinks in America have monsters in their drain pipes. Adorable in appearance and non venomous, drain pipe monsters kill by destroying the self esteem of their enemies with hurtful notes. Solutions: Unlearn how to read. [caption id="attachment_246" align="alignleft" caption="Sample Letter "]

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[mfotis]

The Top Ten Things In Your Kitchen That Can Kill You #9

White Bread. [caption id="attachment_256" align="aligncenter" width="248" caption="Photoshop Master"][/caption] It has many nicknames. Some are fun. Peanut butter's blanket. Edible pillows. Others are much more diabolical and...wait for it...and...just a little bit more waiting...accurate. The softest bullet. Two slices of diabetes. Whatever you call it, white bread is fucking dangerous. If you found yourself in an alley and you noticed a slice of white bread leaning up against a dumpster, smoking a cigarette (which they're known to do in the wild. "The wild" being a laboratory. Probably. Shut up.) you better know some form of self defense, otherwise you're going to be violated something awful. You guys think I'm kidding but I'm not. White bread should be locked away in a safe, or better yet taken to a field and detonated. Because guess what? If that shit touches your lips, you will instantly become obese and lazy. You'll lose all of your energy and wit. Your friends will abandon you. You'll be left with nothing except all of the shows with judges that dominate daytime TV. Yeah, that'll be your life. White bread butter sandwiches and Judge Judy. Might as well plug in a toaster and perch it on the edge of your bathtub. Guaranteed that scenario will end better for you than a life with white bread. Oh, and it gets worse. All of the pasta that tastes good? It's nothing more than hard white bread. In what might be the saddest sentence I will ever write, the only pasta you're allowed to eat is the the whole wheat flour kind. You know, the kind that sucks. Solution: Wheat bread. That's it. Wheat bread. That or moderation, which is IMPOSSIBLE.

[mfotis]

The Top 10 Things In Your Kitchen That Can Kill You! #8

Your Refrigerator.

Holy crap.  Now I admit that maybe this one is on the list because I grew up in the eighties, which was the era of Regan, Alf and after school specials about kids suffocating after being trapped inside abandoned refrigerators, but it is also a very real danger. The episode I remember revolved around a game of tag that took place in a junkyard. In the episode, most of the kids who were playing playing found the perfect hiding spot, while another, less fortunate soul found the perfect DYING spot. Actually, the kid may have lived. I can't remember. I spent an hour today trying to find a link to this episode. I couldn't find one and feel like I'm going crazy. If it exists, share it! Please!

Anyway,  let's say you're smart and un-small enough to avoid crawling into your fridge (Danger #1), there are still some very real dangers lurking and readying their death prongs...consider yourself warned.

Danger #2 - Refrigerators are heavy.

Never stand in front or under a fridge that is being lifted via pulley to the 4th floor (or higher) of an apartment building. They will crush you. And you will die. Or at the very least, be paralyzed. And remember, Avatar isn't real.

Danger #3 - Hypothermia.

Always, ALWAYS wear layers when using your fridge and always, ALWAYS, ALWAYS  place items near the front of your fridge so that they can be found quickly. Billions of people have lost the battle with not being dead by lingering by an open fridge and searching in vain for those eggs they bought that one time at Kowalksi's. Within moments they were tearing off their clothes and re - enacting Jack London stories.

Danger #3 - Those eggs you bought that one time at Kowalski's.

"That time" was 5 months ago. Those eggs are bad. Even if you don't eat them, and that's a BIG "if", you weak willed bastard, those eggs are like a dozen chemical bombs, slowly releasing chemicals into your fridge that will melt your eyeballs and mummify your insides. If you're not convinced, think about this.  Every single person who fought in WWI died. Why? Chemical warfare. And being in trenches sucked.

So there you go. Throw away your fridge.

[gardenup]

5 Most Dangerous Vegetables

A UK study has ranked the most dangerous vegetables by how many injuries they cause in the kitchen. The study found that 88 percent of people injure themselves in the kitchen, and that 39 percent of those cases were because of a difficult-to-cut vegetable.

Spoiler alert: they're all fall vegetables. We suggest you use the summer to sharpen your knife skills so you'll be safe come autum