#kitkat chat post

[angry-arfid]

i feel so awkward whenever im around ppl who are talking about food like haha yeah uh i like.. i like eating i like food yeah ! oh, do i like (insert food)? oh uh haha um not really i mean i havent tried it. i should really try it? uhh yeah sure maybe one day haha! sweating profusely.

like how do i just casually tell people i dont have a normal relationship with eating without having to go into extensive detail about what arfid is. i wish it was more known

[angry-arfid]

tbh sometimes i get really jealous of people who can eat normally. i see food that is visually appealing and even smells good but i know i can't get myself to eat it.

i can't experience the joy of travelling and eating different cultural foods bc i can't even eat the food from where i live

and times like this are when i remember its an eating disorder, its not a choice. i truly wish i could just eat freely without any worry but i simply cant. all i can do is try new food at my own pace and when i feel comfortable

[angry-arfid]

i dont know if it's how i was raised, my social anxiety, or arfid, but i feel utterly HORRIBLE when someone has to accomodate me food-wise. like i genuinely would eather not eat than inconvenience someone or have them go through the trouble of finding something i can eat. even when they tell me its okay, i feel terrible about it :(

[angry-arfid]

i cant explain how embarrassed and shameful i feel when i have to admit that i dont like the food i ordered like please dont ask me if i dont want it. it should be obvious so just dont ask if i like it or not

its especially bad because like 99% of any food i try. i wont like. and i always feel bad about it

[angry-arfid]

this blog is just be complaining abt arfid but thanks for following?

anyway friend asked me to send a list of food i like since ill be staying over for like a week and idk why but i felt unbelievably embarrassed that the list was so small

[angry-arfid]

i don't forget to eat, i just ignore being hungry because literally nothing is appetizing at that moment, and trying to eat something would just result in it being left unfinished and being thrown away

like ill just go "hm im hungry", think about what is available to eat, realize i dont want any of it, and then proceed to ignore it until the food seems appetizing enough

[angry-arfid]

idk if this is arfid either but i always have trouble with like unwashed dishes. if anything looks like it still has food in/on it, i struggle to like. get myself to eat from it.

Its weird cause i don't mind my food touching on a plate or using the same fork to eat different food (as long as only i use it), but if im getting a bowl for something and it looks dirty then i kinda dont want to use it. even if i know its clean. its annoying

[angry-arfid]

why does food smell so good but not taste exactly the way it smells i feel betrayed