ARFID Sucks

[angry-arfid]

randomly making a sideblog abt arfid because i want to rant abt it and shit lol

uhmmm stuff about me!

call me kitkat or kat :] bc theyre my fav candy

adult (24)

she/they

i have depression/anxiety and what i post will sometimes include that!

i support informed self dx! idk a lot about other ed's though, this blog is solely about arfid (mainly my personal experience with it)!

^ following that, i'm not officially diagnosed or anything w arfid but my symptoms match up w every single one except malnutrition (and fear of choking) so i talk as if i am! sorry if that bothers you but i cant spend money going to a doctor for them to tell me to just "try new foods" (/hj)

i swear a lot so if you dont like that, follow someone else

all posts are okay to rb!! i am glad 2 be relatable and help others feel understood :]

obv there will be a lot of food mention! there wont be any actual pics of food tho just descriptions of it

DNI

- basic criteria like racist, lgbtphobic, etc.

- ace/aro exclusionist

- pro-eating disorder

- uhh idk ill add anything if i run into it

[angry-arfid]

having arfid sucks but at least it means i'll never be able to be alcoholic /lh /j

like i literally cant stand the taste of alcohol unless its heavily mixed with something else. except baileys irish cream that stuff is actually alright but id never be able to drink a lot of it in one sitting

[angry-arfid]

(Sorry, for telling you this but I don’t have a safe space to tell anyone this. Please ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable.)

When I was a kid and teen, I stopped eating because I wanted to be thin and now I think I might have an eating disorder. I like to eat but sometimes it’s just a chore.

But then I get scared of my stomach eating itself (as in, eating the lining) and I start eating again. However, I think I damaged my stomach irreparably because I can only finish one meal a day now and I have to start eating smaller meals more often. If I eat big meals I feel like vomiting and that makes me not want to eat because I used to vomit a lot as a kid.

I don’t know much about ARFID but it does sound a lot like what I’m struggling with right now. I’m not autistic though so I don’t know if it applies to me though.

its okay, no need to apologize! im glad you feel like my blog is a safe space where you can talk about this!

im so sorry to hear that you struggled so much as a kid, it really sucks to have a bad relationship with eating especially when you're young :( i hope your recovery goes/is going well! it's okay to eat in smaller meals, i don't like eating a lot of food all at once either!

and you don't have to be autistic (or have adhd) to have arfid! it's very common for it to be the case, but it isn't a requirement or anything. it just has a lot of overlapping symptoms (usually in the sensory processing parts)

wishing you well, its a lot of work to learn how to live with any kind of eating disorder, you're doing great!!

[angry-arfid]

i be like "can we go to (restaurant i like)? what about (other specific restaurant i like)? ok i'll just make ramen instead"

like its the same five options everytime i wanna go out to eat i stg. bless my friends and family for not calling me annoying cause i really do feel like i am 😭

[angry-arfid]

this blog is just be complaining abt arfid but thanks for following?

anyway friend asked me to send a list of food i like since ill be staying over for like a week and idk why but i felt unbelievably embarrassed that the list was so small

[angry-arfid]

idk if this is arfid either but i always have trouble with like unwashed dishes. if anything looks like it still has food in/on it, i struggle to like. get myself to eat from it.

Its weird cause i don't mind my food touching on a plate or using the same fork to eat different food (as long as only i use it), but if im getting a bowl for something and it looks dirty then i kinda dont want to use it. even if i know its clean. its annoying

[angry-arfid]

i like watching cooking videos but not bc i want to eat the food but because i just think the process is neat. like how does that work. its so interesting. fascinating even

[angry-arfid]

i feel so awkward whenever im around ppl who are talking about food like haha yeah uh i like.. i like eating i like food yeah ! oh, do i like (insert food)? oh uh haha um not really i mean i havent tried it. i should really try it? uhh yeah sure maybe one day haha! sweating profusely.

like how do i just casually tell people i dont have a normal relationship with eating without having to go into extensive detail about what arfid is. i wish it was more known

[angry-arfid]

i dont know if it's how i was raised, my social anxiety, or arfid, but i feel utterly HORRIBLE when someone has to accomodate me food-wise. like i genuinely would eather not eat than inconvenience someone or have them go through the trouble of finding something i can eat. even when they tell me its okay, i feel terrible about it :(

[angry-arfid]

did someone famous reblog that one popular post of mine or something. ppl keep liking it

[angry-arfid]

tbh sometimes i get really jealous of people who can eat normally. i see food that is visually appealing and even smells good but i know i can't get myself to eat it.

i can't experience the joy of travelling and eating different cultural foods bc i can't even eat the food from where i live

and times like this are when i remember its an eating disorder, its not a choice. i truly wish i could just eat freely without any worry but i simply cant. all i can do is try new food at my own pace and when i feel comfortable

[bemusedlybespectacled]

mini psa to anyone who needs it: if they didn't want people to order that meal, they wouldn't put it on the menu.

"but I always order the same thing every time!" is it on the menu? then they're making the same thing every day anyway, whether it's for you or someone else.

"but it's a 'childish' food like chicken tenders!" is it on the menu? can an adult order it? then clearly they expect adults to order it.

"but people might judge me for my meal choice!" it would be absurd and unreasonable to get upset when the restaurant is literally telling you, "these are the things we are capable of making and will give you in exchange for money" and you do exactly that.

[angry-arfid]

why does food smell so good but not taste exactly the way it smells i feel betrayed

[angry-arfid]

im baffled i still keep getting liked and rb's on that one post i made like huh its over a year old

[angry-arfid]

tfw you get a prescription that you have to take w food but youve had a funky stomach for the past few days and do not want to eat much if anything ...

[sunnibits]

loving reminder as someone who struggles with food: you are allowed to add joy to your food. you are allowed to add a little joy even if it’s a tiny thing, something silly or something weird. you are allowed to do it whenever you want, as many times as you want. anything that makes food easier and more enjoyable for you is worth it!! it’s your food, you can decide what to do with it!! you can add rainbow sprinkles to your ice cream. you can cut your food into little heart shapes. you can pack your snacks into cute little bento boxes. it is not pointless or childish, it is an effective and active coping tool that you are allowed to use.

give yourself a little joy. the little things add up.

[angry-arfid]

i cant explain how embarrassed and shameful i feel when i have to admit that i dont like the food i ordered like please dont ask me if i dont want it. it should be obvious so just dont ask if i like it or not

its especially bad because like 99% of any food i try. i wont like. and i always feel bad about it