Pride Month Hc #1:
Pansexual John Murphy
[. who is someone? Can you tell by their first loves? Or is it by their last?
John Murphy doesn't know but from the moment he is born, his small infant body was crafted for his father's arms. His father's gentle smile and calloused hands could calm his crying like nothing else, which would irritate Murphy's mother - when he had been a child, his mother's temper had seemed humorous but he had learned, it was not to be laughed at. After his father also died. ]
His first crush was something he would call 'sandbox love'. He isn't quite sure about the term where it comes from but his hands had shook when she spoke and her fondness for the red animal in the picture books they had had also made him fond for the animal. At fours year old, he pegged her 'Fox'. At seventeen years old to Bellamy Blake, she would peg herself 'Fox'.
She would die having her bone marrow extracted. He never kissed her, wouldn't let Arson Boy burn her up.
[. in these gaps, his mother grew distant and he'd cry to the sticker on the roof of his room how it was his fault - how losing her was his fault. ]
Murphy had been about eight years old when he had met John Mbege - a boy who six years later would be his first kiss in the shadows of their bunk in a prison cell.
Mbege would die three years after that kiss and nine years after their bond had started.
[. His father would die, his mother would hit him and drink her sorrows away. She would die in a puddle of her own vomit. He would set fire to the rooms of the guards. He wouldn't feel anything but feel it all at the same time. He would become Arson Boy, a boy foreign to himself that cannot even be loved.]
Next was Bellamy. Bellamy had been something he knew he couldn't have without even asking for - Bellamy was not to be touched by the Arson Boy and he was okay with that. Until he wasn't.
Until they had abandoned him and Bellamy had told him, voice so loud that he could only think of his mother, that he deserved to die.
[ there was a boy named Craig who slipped under most people's radars - he was a 19 year old boy who in the cusp of cold nights looking for lost hope, had found a haven in John's lips. He would die at nineteen, banished to death by sea monster and, and John didn't love him but tracing a finger over the pages of people he loved, a voice always remembered Craig.]
He was seventeen, on the cusp of eighteen when he met Emori. She had been fascinating and his only ally against this world that shit on people like them - that people like Thelonious Jaha, Abigail Griffin and Clarke Griffin decided didn't deserve to live. Emori would be his first love but she would leave him on the ring, decide that he wasn't worth all the trauma or the bad days and he began to believe it.
On that ring, it was just solidified: no matter the gender, mo matter the person, everyone he had ever loved would leave him.
-- except... except Bellamy.