“you don’t look at me the way you used to.”
Ben almost dropped the mug he was rinsing in the sink as soon as he heard the words. This was easily the last thing he had expected. As usual, they had had dinner together, talked about that new anime they had started watching in the morning and then gotten to do the dishes together. All in all, it had been a really good evening -- comfortable, easy, nice. There’d been no awkward silences or massive elephants in the room. Actually, it had been a long time since that had happened.
And maybe that was why Finn brought it up now -- because it was almost like before but not. Still, it was a surprise. While Finn was a pretty honest person unless he was trying to cover up his midnight-eating-odysseys, this was a topic both of them had consciously stayed away from for years. They’d grown closer again, become comfortable with being pressed up side to side again, talked until deep into the night again and become open about how big of a fan of each other they were again. But neither of them ever mentioned the lac of handholding or kisses or cuddles. Until now.
There were two options for Ben here. He could wave it off, turn it into some sort of ‘sentences by Finn’ joke and he was pretty sure that Finn would let him if he tried. So far, he had never pushed him and maybe Ben had exploited that. Or he could not do that. He could finally muster up the courage to actually speak up and use the pretty fantastic opening Finn had given him.
“I do, though,” he said after a moment of silence, eyes still fixed on the mug he was turning under the running faucet. By now, it was definitely clean but it was easier to be actually sincere when he had something else to do and focus on. “I’ve just gotten good at doing it when you’re not looking.”
It was the truth. Ben caught himself turning into his nineteen year old self and staring at Finn with massive hearteyes more times than he’d like to admit. Actually, the average was about two to three times in the hour if the chances presented themselves. Ben would know -- he edited the videos on their joint channel and had to cut around any over the top looks every single time.
When the faucet suddenly turned off, Ben’s eyebrows raised but he let Finn take the mug out of his hands anyway and gratefully took the tea-towel when he offered it to him to dry his hands. He was still not looking at him but once he was dry, Ben turned towards him, arms winding around his waist and face tucking itself into the crook of his neck. That had been easier when he’d been shorter but it still worked. And it still felt the same too. “’m sorry,” he muttered, voice muffled from where he was pressed against Finn. Where exactly they stood or where they were going, Ben wasn’t sure of. But whatever and wherever it was, as long as he had Finn by his side, he knew he’d be okay.
