Apr 8, 2019
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i just finished recording myself singing for music class and now i'm replaying the audio and i'm laughing and cringing so hard 😭😭😭😭
I have a big exam tomorrow, i'm gonna fail it, and then i'm gonna fail my whole life... 😲 my bag isn't ready, and neither am i.......kms 😭😥
my history paper on the holocaust interpretations gets me crying almost every time i study for it :-)
Literally nobody to read my posts. Nobody to know who I am. Nobody to even know I exist. I'm just some dust particle in a football stadium.
in the seminar i just had the professor picked on me from across the room to give a response to someone else’s input whilst i was completely zoned out chewing up my pen and at first i thought maybe i’m imagining that he’s asking ME so i waited for a few seconds looking at him but then everyone started staring at me so i said ‘i don’t know’ but then he said ‘why don’t you know’ and everyone stared at me again so then i said i didn’t understand...and then the girl had to explain everything she said again and i was looking at her and trying to listen but i could feel my face getting so hot and i felt like i was going to throw up and i went dizzy and everything went really muffled and i couldn’t focus or listen to what she was saying and i was thinking in my head what am i going to respond with...and then when she stopped speaking i paused again and was trying not to cry because everyone was staring at me waiting for me to say something but nothing would come out so i just ended up forcing myself to say something really irrelevant and stupid and then the professor tried to argue with me about my point and then i responded to him with something that completely nullified what i had just said and people were STILL staring at me and i literally never want to go to a seminar again
me: oh im going to challenge myself in ap art! i need to learn more than what im used to drawing!
*goes out of comfort zone*
*looks like shit*
me: back to the comfort zone it is
Oh hello self loathing, it hasn't even been a week since we last met up. Can you not though....? Please.