Dinner that night was a rowdy affair with Yuuri’s family, Minako, and the Nishigoris stopping by to meet Viktor, the gamer that Yuuri had been infatuated with for a long time. Viktor was beyond flattered really, and some of Yuuri’s shyness around him suddenly made sense. However that didn’t keep them all from poking fun at Yuuri every chance that they got, using Viktor as ammunition. More than once Viktor wished he understood Japanese when a particularly red faced Yuuri would stutter, looking at Viktor in shock.
The food was unlike anything Viktor had ever tasted before. Breaded pork with egg, veggies, and rice. He considered himself a foodie in every sense of the word. There was nothing that he wouldn’t try, and given the fact that he was well traveled he had plenty opportunities to eat exotic dishes. There was something about this particular dish though that was beyond anything Viktor had ever experienced.
“It’s called katsudon.” Yuuri said quietly while his family chatted amongst one another, apparently leaving Yuuri alone for a little while. “It is my favorite, although I don’t get to eat it all that often.” He blushed a little, “I have always gained weight a little too easily.” Viktor smiled softly at him. This was nice, Yuuri actually letting him into his personal life, even if it was just a little.
“So, Viktor, have you gotten a chance to see our Yuuri’s shrine yet?” Mari laughed as Yuuri coughed up a piece of his food. He had no clue what she was talking about, but he was more than willing to find out.
“What shrine is this?” he said, genuinely curious as he turned to Yuuri who had been reduced to nothing more than a sputtering, tomato red mess.
“His shrine to you of course.” Her voice was so innocent and in such sharp contrast with the way Yuuri was acting that Viktor was beyond intrigued.
“Yuuuuuriiiii?” Viktor drawled, “what is this I hear about you having a shrine to me?” He placed his elbow on the table and rested his cheek against the palm of his hand. Yuuri just looked at him like he had asked Yuuri to solve the world’s most complex mathematical equation before jumping up and excusing himself. Mari fell into a fit of laughter that brought tears to her eyes.
“If you want to go see it, you may want to go now. I think, he is going to tear it down.” She said between laughs and wiping her eyes clear of tears. Viktor had never acted on anything so fast. He stood up so quickly that he just about fell over and almost took off without thanking his hosts.
“Katsuki-san, thank you for the meal it was delicious,” he said so quickly that it sounded like it came out in a single breath before he turned around and took off.
“He is in his room!” Mari yelled after him. It was only then that Viktor realized he didn’t even know where this so called ‘shrine’ was. He ran up the stairs as quickly as his legs would carry him and skidded to a halt in front of a door he remembered Yuuri pointing out as his. He stood there for a moment, knowing that all he wanted to do was throw open the door and catch Yuuri in the act of taking down… whatever it was that he would keep in this shrine. But Viktor also knew that Yuuri was a lot more private in real life than he was online. He had to be careful about how he stepped around Yuuri, because there was a good chance that he would act like a wild animal and run away if Viktor overstepped. He had already crossed an ocean for Yuuri. If the man ran from him while they were staying under the same roof, he wouldn’t know what to do.
He gently knocked on the door and didn’t even bother suppressing the smile as he heard Yuuri squeak in surprise and a bunch of rustling on the other side of the door. A few minutes later the door finally slid open to reveal a rather disheveled looking Yuuri who was breathing a little bit heavier than he should have been.
“Viktor.” He said casually, “I didn’t expect to see you up here already. Are you done eating?” Viktor was beyond surprised with Yuuri’s ability to get through his statement with a straight face. Then again two could play this game.
“Oh, yes, I am done.” He smiled. “I thought we could chat, just the two of us. Mind if I come in for a bit?” He watched as Yuuri wrestled with the idea in his head for a moment before finally sighing and stepping to the side allowing Viktor in.
The room was smaller than Viktor had expected it to be. The rooms that he had always lived in were easily two or three times the size of what looked to be a storage closet that had been renovated some time ago. Viktor could feel Yuuri’s eyes on him.
“Sorry it is so cramped.” he coughed, breaking the silence. “I find that when the world feels like it’s a little too big, having a small place to retreat to is nice.” He shrugged as he closed the door and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. After a moment of hesitation Viktor did the same.
“Does that happen a lot, the world feeling too big?” Viktor couldn’t say that he completely understood what Yuuri was talking about. But the differences between the two of them were evident. Viktor thrived off of attention, Yuuri was more subdued and seemed to enjoy his solitude. He could see how, for a person like Yuuri, having a small space would be beneficial.
“Often enough.” He paused and looked at Viktor with a look that made Viktor’s heart beat a little faster. He could see the inner turmoil, the tug of war between letting Viktor in or keeping him at a distance play out in Yuuri’s eyes. “Viktor,” Yuuri finally whispered and looked everywhere but where Viktor was sitting.
“I… I am not… mentally I… the thing is…” He sighed in frustration. Viktor shifted on the bed so that he was sitting right next to Yuuri. Reaching out he wrapped an arm around the younger man’s shoulders and pulled him into his embrace for the second time that day.
“Yuuri, take a breath.” He whispered into Yuuri’s ear, he could feel the tension start to fall away as Yuuri took a deep slightly shaky breath and release it. “Nothing, and I mean nothing, that you could tell me would ever make me think any less of you.” He made sure that his tone told Yuuri that he was adamant in that belief . He didn’t want to leave an ounce of doubt in Yuuri’s mind.
“I, I don’t talk to many people about it.” Yuuri whispered after a moment. “Most people outside of my family and close friends don’t know.” Viktor tightened his grip on Yuuri and smiled as he felt the man readjust to make himself more comfortable. His head resting on Viktor’s chest, one hand over his eyes so he didn’t have to look at the world, the other loosely wrapped around Viktor’s waist.
“Am I not a friend, Yuuri?” He asked softly. Yuuri shook his head and pushed away from Viktor suddenly to sit up and look him in the eye.
“Why would you think that? No, we are… we are.” He took a deep breath and started to twist his hands in his lap. “I have a disorder, an anxiety disorder. It makes it hard for me to think sometimes. My mind will start to lie to me. It tells me things that I know aren’t true but it forces me to believe that they are.” He paused, taking some time to compile his thoughts.
“Yuuri?” Viktor called out after a few moments, “Will you, I mean, it may help me understand a little better, will you tell me what happened at the GPC finals?” Yuuri slowly pulled out his phone, and for the first time Viktor noticed the poodle case and smiled. Of course Yuuri liked poodles, he was perfect in every other way.
“T-This, this is Vicchan.” he said turning the screen towards Viktor. A much younger, much chubbier version of the man before him was kneeling on the ground with a toy poodle that looked like a small version of Makka. Viktor smiled at the sight, it was pure and happy, and… why did Yuuri look so sad?
“Vicchan is… was my best friend growing up. I was painfully shy and had a really hard time making friends. But dogs, they just don’t care.” Yuuri smiled at the picture. “He loved me for me, anxiety, panic attacks, the good times, the bad, he was there through it all. The morning of the second day of competition, right before I left the hotel I received a phone call from my sister that Vicchan snuck past her that morning while she was getting deliveries. She called him but he was always adventurous and he ran out to the end of the drive. The car… the car didn’t have enough time to stop.” Yuuri’s voice began to get raspy as he held back the tears.
“Oh Yuuri!” was all Viktor said before he threw himself at the man and wrapped him up tight. Makka was everything to Viktor, the companion that he never really got to have before because of who he was. The dog went almost everywhere with him and he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose Makka in such a violent way. “And you still tried to play.” He whispered as his hand ran soothing circles around Yuuri’s back. “I don’t think I could have.”
“That night at the banquet, Otak, my sponsor, approached me and said that they were no longer interested in sponsoring me. In the end, I just… I couldn’t face anyone.” They sat together letting a silence linger between them. It wasn’t uncomfortable, rather there was a kind of relief in the unspoken understanding. Viktor smiled and rested his head against the crown of Yuuri’s.
“You really are something special.” His voice was so quiet that he wasn’t sure if Yuuri had heard him or not. The slight tightening of Yuuri’s arm around his waist told him that his words were appreciated though.
“Yuuri? What is that?” Viktor said with amusement as he pointed to a framed picture on his desk. The wooden frame contained a picture of none other than Viktor himself right after his GPC finals win last year. Yuuri jumped up so quickly that it almost knocked Viktor backwards as he lunged for the picture.
“That? That is nothing.” he said hastily. “Just a weapon I plan on bludgeoning my sister with in her sleep tonight.” If Viktor wasn’t already completely enamored with Yuuri, the sight of him beet red and guilty at being caught with Viktor’s picture on his desk would have sealed the deal. Continue reading on AO3
