Please enjoy this horror.
Ye gods, it's real.
[ID: A bottle of brownish sauce, labeled "The Original Chicago Sauce: The 7 Toppings of a Classic Chicago Hot Dog United Together Under One Lid".]
Although I had a split second of horror and then noticed the website says "Basically, the essence of Chicago in a bottle, minus Malört" and I immediately reverted to gentle disdain and thought, cowards.
When you look at the ingredients it actually kind of almost makes sense, at least as a sort of relish. It's pickles, tomatoes, onions, yellow mustard, sweet relish, sport peppers, and celery salt. I wouldn't personally enjoy that but I know plenty of people who would.
It's the...texture of it that worries me. I do see chopped up bits in there but surely this would have been more palatable as a kind of...like a pasta salad sans pasta, with the mustard holding the relish together.
There is horror in my heart, but also curiosity. It's like a train wreck in a bottle.
