You don't understand & I don't blame you.
How could I?
I won’t measure pains or experiences but…
You've never even came close to experiencing what I have.
Take a walk in my shoes.
Feel the cracks in the long ass pavement & the hardness of my long fought paths, feel time slip away as you travel to empty spaces you're meant to fill, as I have.
Stand in the gaps between generations, holding on to the cloth you've been cut from, as the fabric I was made from hasn't existed since, now riddled with pain filled miles, worn ripped patches & tribulations.
Those patches on my soul...they make sense to me now.
How about you?
Don't they?
Little bits of decades spent in the midst of familiar strangers, those that chose to come & go clenched, while dragging along my heart with them.
You know those ripped bits at the seams...you know where they fucking come from don't you?
All of those years, days & of nights black as pitch spent fighting myself, seeing most of you fighting yourselves & others, It wasn't about the win as much as it was about standing our hard earned ground... well?
Oh, you're starting to get it, maybe a beginning of conscious thought you may finally be able to grasp physically as well as mentally.
It's a true reality.
The bloody struggle.
The constant fucking war against time & empty space, heart, mind, spirit & the leather battled tough flesh of half ass family & self...
I gained muscle in this game of tug & war... you may have or could have too....
I genuinely know through the experiences I've lived... but you refuse to let go but hate to hold on.
So, you battle.
I sure as fuck battled & climbed till palms bled raw!
Battle to the death of you. I'm even now prepared to. Are you strong enough.
No one understands because they can't accept what I've never revealed, & you won't!
So, no I can't & won't blame you for your lack of comprehension to my life, my experiences.
However, if you ever want to hang out, we can take a walk down memory lane & I can show you where I really came from, how I came out of it still pushing forward because I refuse to have a stop or reverse.
But.... ..
Only if you want to.
It's dark as fuck behind me & the path I've worn down, trudging through is a lifes - time eater.
Knowing what's ahead may be worse but I shall not waiver or give in to any man or any thing to cross the finish line I'm claiming as mine.
No retreat no surrender!
*Smirks
I can finally see my happiness & peace there as I hope you who are to me, as I am to you, can join me in my exhale of my own goals reached.
My God is now my only guide.
