Pein: I’ve called this meeting to discuss a topic I feel is worth mentioning: our communication. Lately this group hasn’t been speaking as honestly or as openly with each other as we need to be, and I feel if this group is to achieve the ultimate success, we need to fix this. That being said, does anyone have anything they’d like to tell the group?
Hidan: This is fucking stupid, Leader.
Pein: I appreciate your honesty in telling me so, but I’m being serious. Please, be open with your comrades.
Hidan: Okay … three days ago I took several thousand yen from the stash Kakuzu keeps under his bed, to replace a broken blade on my scythe.
Kakuzu: What the fuck?! I should kill —
Pein: Now, Kakuzu; that’s not the point of this exercise. Honesty and open communication is.
Kakuzu: Fine. Then, being honest, whenever I stitch up Hidan’s wounds, I use a cheaper thread than I do for the others, because I think using the good stuff on him is pointless.
Hidan: You know what? That doesn’t even fuckin’ surprise me, ya cheap bastard.
Pein: Anyone else? Remember, anything that you feel would be relevant to the group.
*Tobi raises his hand*
Pein: Yes, Tobi?
Tobi, in Obito voice: I’m in love with Deidara. I was respectful in the past because I saw he was happy with Sasori, but now that Sasori is dead, I’m genuinely unsure how much longer I can hold out. I would marry him right now if I could.
Pein:
Itachi, blushing, in a low voice: Same.
Hidan: Double same.
Konan, furiously blushing: I —
Pein: You know what? Everyone go back to silence and lies, please. And Deidara, I’m getting you a strong lock for your door.
Deidara: