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I want a sitcom of the Akatsuki.

I know, I know, EVERYONE wants/has said this. But hear me out.

It could be modern day. And like. They’re all hitmen for hire or some such thing. And the leader of the group is Nagato and he buys a really big old house, like a Victorian style house with outdated furniture and wonky heat and electricity, water pressure blows, etc. But he got it cuz it was cheap and there are enough rooms for each “team”/set of partners to have their own rooms. And he wants the group to live together to “foster a feeling of bonding and it’ll be easier to track everyone down when it’s time to hand out assignments and half of y’all were living in shithole apartments anyway and here you don’t gotta pay rent but Kakuzu is like No boss everyone NEEDS to pay rent! Well okay you’ll pay rent but it’ll be cheaper than the apartment ok? blah blah blah”.

And like, everyone in the group is used to working with their partner but not so used to being around the others for extended periods of time.

Imagine everyone learning that Kakuzu NEEDS to go to the bathroom every morning at 7:15am sharp and he will be in there for approximately twenty minutes and whoever goes in after him will either need to have a head cold or bring a gas mask. Or that Deidara never finishes a single thing he eats or drinks; his side of his and Sasori’s room will be littered with half-full cereal bowls, soda bottles, chip bags, ravioli cans with the spoon stuck inside, etc. Hidan sets his alarm for 2:59am every morning because Konan sleepwalks ((topless)) to the refrigerator every morning at 3am. Obito hates Sasori because Sasori shares a room with Deidara and OBITO wants to share a room with Deidara so he tries poisoning him all the time not knowing that Sasori has a craaaaaazy-high immunity to poisons. The basement constantly smells like weed because Itachi smokes down there to ease his chronic pain but he always lies and says that a skunk must have sprayed outside because he doesn’t want to share with Zetsu who is a huge stoner but never has money to buy his own shit. And. And. The house has three stories; a basement, ground level, and upstairs, and Nagato stays primarily on the ground level because most of the time he’s in his wheelchair and the steps in the house are too steep and narrow for him to comfortably use his crutches.

And and. Um. And. Kisame takes reeeeaaaaalllly loooooooong showers to the point of using up all of the hot water so the others ask him to start taking showers after everyone’s gone to bed so nobody has to endure icy-cold water anymore. And. Um. Sasori really likes mowing the grass but the fuckers got some serious ADHD with it and someone will have to come out and get him because it’s okay the lawn doesn’t need razor-sharp lines and it doesn’t matter if every single blade of grass is so-and-so centimeters high, no it’s okay put the ruler down and come inside you did great. Hidan nearly started an electrical fire less than a week after they moved in because he plugged two extension bars into the ground outlet and two more extension bars hooked up to those and every single plug had a cord in it. And Konan’s the only one who has her own room and her ceiling has hundreds of origami sculptures hanging from strings.

And stuff like that.

Gets even better when their neighbors drop by, like Kakashi Hatake who lives three houses down and is always covered in dog hair and he and Itachi used to work together which is how Kakashi met Itachi’s second cousin Obito and Obito fell for him right away and one night at a party he got drunk and tried to kiss Kakashi but Kakashi’s boyfriend Gai punched Obito out and ever since then whenever Kakashi comes to see Itachi (mostly because Kakashi’s his weed dealer) he’ll say Hi to Obito and Obito will say Hi back but man oh mannn is it awkward and sometimes Obito will be watching out of the front room blinds at Kakashi and Gai holding hands and walking their dogs down the street and just. Disgruntled camel noises. Or Shikamaru Naru who lives up the block with his friend Choji and is an assistant to Kakuzu who does a part time gig teaching an economics course at the community college and he comes over to discuss lesson plans and grade papers and Hidan just. Freaking hates him. Hates his “smug” face, hates the way he breathes, hates how fucking close he sits to Kakuzu and how they laugh together over stupid math “jokes” that nobody in their right mind should understand. Or Kuro, Dei’s friend from high school that comes to see Deidara every other day and they eat and laugh and watch old episodes of Master Chef together and everyone is like duuude this chick is into you she’s trying to hook up but Dei doesn’t seem to see it and everyone also wonders how Kuro can’t see how deliciously gay Deidara is or not notice how Sasori won’t leave the two of them alone together for more than five minutes. Dei and Kuro are in the living room watching tv? Sasori suddenly decides to take his book out there. Dei and Kuro are baking together? Sasori suddenly decides it’s a good time to rearrange the kitchen cabinets.

Y’know, stuff like that.