I posted a long rant about this on Twitter but I wanted to make a more coherent post about it here too so anyway I think I figured out why the KonMarie method works so well for neurodivergent people, especially ones who struggle with executive dysfunction.
So like one of the main things people say to do to get yourself out of an executive function hole is to make a list, right? Write down all of your tasks and break them down into small steps so you don't get overwhelmed and can visualize what needs doing. Now I'm not always the best at the list part, but if I'm stuck on something like dishes or cleaning the bathroom, I will sit down and in my head imagine all of the steps. Legit just imagine myself doing them, imagine myself at the sink doing dishes or cleaning the bathroom, and(most of the time) that helps me actually get up and do them.
But sometimes with like, the bigger picture its still easy to get overwhelmed or end up at a loss for what to do. And that's where Marie Kondo's method steps in. She literally breaks everything down step by step with, if you're watching the show or reading the manga, a clear visualization and essentially does the list part for you. You don't have to sit down and visualize things or make your own list and figure out what to do first. Her method TELLS you. Granted this is really for big picture stuff, like cleaning your whole house, but that is something that needs doing sometimes and her method comes prepackaged with an easy to understand, guilt free explanation of how to do all of it step by step.
She also never makes anyone feel overwhelmed. A great tip for cleaning is starting with just one room. Work on your bedroom one day the next do the kitchen, or the storage room, or the bathroom. Do what you can in just one room and don't feel bad if it takes multiple days. Don't think about the other rooms. Just start doing what you can slowly. No guilt, no scary oh God I have 500 things to do. Just one room, one mess. That's it. (I tend to start with my storage/laundry room cuz it’s the smallest room in the house and also somewhere to put things when I start on other rooms but that’s just me.)
Her show especially helped, because I could see the method work with different people, I know exactly what it looks like with examples in all sorts of houses and levels of clutter. Plus again when you have ADHD or depression or any other thing that makes you really struggle with executive function and cleaning there is a load of guilt associated with it. You know other people have clean houses, that they don't struggle like you do, and you feel terrible. But Marie Kondo's method never makes you feel guilty. She never judges anyone she helps, she even says she loves mess. It really helped me at least break through that guilt roadblock every time I tried to clean, because it reminded me that I don't have to feel bad.
And I do think another thing that does help ND people and especially people with ADHD is accepting a certain level of mess and not feeling bad about it, but when it comes to the big picture I really reccomend giving her method a try. After I watched her show my house was spotless for the first time in...ever. I had people come over(this was like 2018) and I didn't need to make space or apologize for the mess. I felt so good and happy about the house I lived in. It was fantastic and I really think she can help others feel that way too.
Since I am still hanging out at home feeling pretty blah, I figured I'd share how I started to konmarie my house. I have not gotten far BUT I did finish my wardrobe and I am pretty pleased!
I have a small closet but everything fits now!
Underwear, socks, pjs
Super easy to find shirts now
Okay still a little dissatisfied with the pants drawer, but even so much much better to find pants!
This is one of my 6yo's drawers:
Her stuff is staying neat too (it's been about a month!). I am impressed!
Soooo I have thrown all my clothes into one big pile. I'll start to do the konmari method tonight, since it's almost two years that I last declutter my stuff. ✨🌌✨
It's kind of weird how much black and brown (especially shoes) I own, despite the fact that these are my least favourite colours. 🤷🏻♀️
I was feeling uncomfortable lately and like all my things take my breath away. I love Marie Kondo and the feeling when there is new free and empty space, instead of chaos and lots of stuff. 🌼💜
oh my god i cannot believe i’m falling to pieces of ‘tidying up with marie kondo’. why am i crying so hard, wtf, is it her soft, understanding face? is it the existential realisation that small things have so much impact on your lifestyle? is it because it’s therapeutic?? i don’t understand.
It took me pretty much 2 weeks of working every day but now my childhood bedroom has ceased to be a messy dumping ground and now is half rest space and half art studio
just read life changing magic of tidying up and also rewatched the Netflix series again. People hate but she reiterates time and again that the process is about setting intentions on the vibe you want with your space, touching EVERY item to reconnect with your stuff and reset that intention going forward. She doesn’t make anyone feel bad for the stuff they keep! It’s more about joyfully setting intentions for yourself going forward. It’s also about showing gratitude for what you have, even if that thing was “this isn’t my style after all” or “thanks, book, for showing me that author is Not for me.” There’s always a positive takeaway when we’re looking for it. Anyway I am without kids for a week every Christmas and spend the week doing this process almost every year. Have for almost a decade now, before I knew who konmarie was. I’ve already reset my clothes and books this week and the literal vibe of my bedroom has changed. It feels light and I feel freer, and that’s with one box of books and two bags of clothes gone. It’s not about getting rid of stuff, but taking care of and appreciating what you CHOOSE to place in your life going forward. Anyway I love her and the mindfulness practices this method encourages!
The Longest Library #6: The Life-Changing Manga of Tidying Up: A Magical Story by Marie Kondo
This is a series in which I attempt to read and review all (or most of) my library of 297 books.
Rundown: Chiaki is a twenty something on her own, with a messy apartment that's been attached to a lifetime of failed relationships (although a lot of them seem like unrequited crushes she tried waaaay too hard for). The clutter and the drain it causes literally buries her own dreams and aspirations. Even if you don't intend to use KonMarie's method for things, it's a cute and concise way to see the impact it has when properly applied. Very wholesome, 5/5, would even give to my grandma.
Because of copyright and being respectful to the authors and artists, I'm going to try and keep pictures to a minimum, and do my best to describe things without them. Such is the hazards of reviewing a manga.
First off, before you even open the book, it's got this really nice matte satin finish on it. It's extremely pleasant. I had to just pause and say that for a second.
When I first picked this up in barnes and noble about a year ago, I didn't expect it to be so... I guess rich? There was no part of it that felt wasted or unnecessary. All of it felt good, and if it wasn't good, it was better. The art is pretty simplistic, almost all of it done in the same pen, and if you look close enough it all retains that human element. You can tell a hand did that. But it's still so consistent and, I suppose experienced, that it doesn't become distracting. The characters stay on model and don't look too weird, even when drawn tiny and comedically.
I like how the very first step is deciding that you want to tidy up. Even if the method described is much different than what everybody thinks it is, still coming at it with that same willingness and energy, resolute to do some real work, is necessary. It isn't as frantic and energy consuming as the heavy cleaning most people think of, but instead the method can be emotionally and mentally taxing. It requires that same decision to dedicate yourself to it.
Even though my house isn't as fine tuned as it would be had I used the konmarie method, I still make a point to do small tidying sessions as soon as I see there's a need for it. I come from a hoarder house and so do my partners, so there's an extra motivation to keep the space as far away from that as possible.
That being said, I recognize the main character's exhaustion. The startling mess that comes from such a professional seeming young woman just doesn't really register, she just kind of lives with it 'for the time being' (this is a phrase that pops up later).
As an aside, When she goes to answer the door, there's this curtain she pulls over to kind of hide the rest of the apartment behind her. I have no idea if it's a staple of Japanese apartments (in which case, what a neat idea! Nobody who's just at the door needs to know what my home looks like). If it's just her, deciding that she needs a curtain to hide her embarrassment, however... just damn.
So the reality of needing to tidy up sets in when the neighbor accidentally DOES see what her apartment is like. (He initially came to tell her to please get the garbage off her balcony because it's starting to stink... she kept putting it there, intending to bring it down in the morning, but then forgets). So a valiant? effort is made. But the roadblocks to starting on such a huge mess is apparent. Can't do garbage, there's too much on the balcony already. The sink is so backed up and she can't find the sponge. You kind of move from task to task and can't really find a place to start because you don't know HOW to start. And tackling something that huge in more manageable pieces isn't for everybody. Sometimes you can make messes faster than you can clean them. So it feels like treading water, like you're not getting anywhere. And that's usually where people give up. So she does.
Also, I find it hilarious that she found out about KonMarie while on a search for proof that there's people who are way messier than her.
She was totally expecting a Hoarders type situation. Nope! It's all just you and this tiny fairy woman.
So this being my first exposure to KonMarie, I was actually super invested when she asked this question. I appreciate this question so much. My (literal) garbage television of choice is Hoarders, and usually on that show, if they set goals, it's extremely short term. Mostly because they have only so much time that the workers can be there. Sometimes it's even so small as 'clear this one hallway so that my husband doesn't fall and break his leg and potentially die in his own home'. Meanwhile KonMarie is over here like 'what's your life going to look like after your place is clean'? Which is a very good question to ask, especially if you don't want someone to fall back into old habits. Cleaning is basically making room for yourself and your life, instead of just your stuff.
So, living 'for the time being'. I see this way of living as a form of energy preservation. You don't make the effort to do the 'right' thing, which would be expending the small effort to clear your coffee table so you can have a nice place to eat breakfast tomorrow. That's okay, it's just temporary, right? But then the next day, you go to have breakfast. You see the messy table and immediately deflate. You need to eat standing now because you don't have the time to clear the table AND make breakfast. You don't feel as great as you could be, but that's okay, right? The trend unfortunately continues. It also spreads to other areas of your life. Unfortunately, by preserving energy by not doing the small tasks, the small tasks become bigger ones. That you no longer have the energy for. Especially now that you're having to SPEND energy working around those large tasks. Doing the small thing in the first place would mean you would RECEIVE energy as a result. Clearing the table the night before means a nice, calm peaceful breakfast, and you get to the rest of your day feeling energized now that you've had that bit of quiet to yourself. If you find yourself avoiding tasks, you might need to do something specifically to restore yourself. That's what self care is about in the context of maintaining your space.
“Nine out of ten items demoted to loungewear...are never worn!”
So, I have this talent for knowing where everything is in the house at all times and remembering what I have (a Forbidden Skill that comes from living with hoarders and also a shitty birthgiver who would arbitrarily throw stuff away). And I know exactly which pieces of clothing she's talking about. The huge pair of pj pants that I barely use unless it's abnormally cold. The various camisole tops with the missing underwire that I don't wear because the straps are synthetic and melted at the ends so it makes this unfortunate stabby bit. Yeah. I should get rid of those. Tshirts and shorts are better off as loungewear because that's what I use them for apart from exercising.
"Besides, why would you wear joyless clothes inside when you would never wear them outside? Your time at home should be special too."
This is something I've come to appreciate during quarantine. I feel TONS better when I'm wearing something nice, even inside. I get more work done and I feel more professional when I actually 'get dressed' instead of trying to work in my nightgown. Even putting on an apron makes housework feel more purposeful. (I'm going to take this to the next level and eventually make my own apron)
This is what I mean by it becoming draining over time. Even a good day is hampered by coming home to a cluttered area. Even having one space to sit that looks nice helps. (for context, Chiaki only just tidied her clothes, but nothing else yet, so she had an amazing day, feeling great in clothes that made her feel great, and then came home to this.)
"Books that haven't been moved in a while are dormant, so it's hard to judge whether to keep or discard them."
I appreciate this humanizing element of objects. I feel like a lot of us are taught early on to stop caring so much about our belongings, especially when they're no longer age appropriate, and we're pressured by peers and parents to 'let go'. When I give any object in my home a character or spirit, I find I take much better care of it. It's also partially the basis of my teddy bear medical project (the stuffed animal is essentially an emotional mirror, and taking care of the bear helps it echo back a need to care for yourself). Also interesting, to quote from wikipedia: "Kondo says that her method is partly inspired by the Shinto religion. Cleaning and organizing things properly can be a spiritual practice in Shintoism, which is concerned with the energy or divine spirit of things (kami) and the right way to live (kannagara)"
Also on the subject of books, I readily agree that #thelongestlibrary is a way for me to avoid immediately throwing away books. But now that I can make regular content out of them, they all have a purpose now, don't they?
This bastard. No matter how many times I purge my writing stash, one of these always shows up. Why is it sticky??????
"That's right. Things that are kept 'just because' are stored 'just because', and accumulate 'just because'."
This is true. However, I'm in a weird place because of my skills and profession. Can KonMarie please come validate my decision to keep crafting supplies and surplus packaging???
"Instead of buying storage goods to make do, wait until you've completely finished and look for ones you really like" "You mean don't buy things 'Just because!' "
I don't know how many times I've seen a messy house with a stack of brand new storage bins, never used, or storage bins overstuffed and sometimes broken. Something I forgot to mention that is a huge part of the KonMarie method, is organizing by category, and not by room. You get ALL of one object in the house, and put it in a pile in the middle of the floor, so you can see just how much you have (clothes, books, cosmetics, etc.) If you clean by room, you may have gotten all the clothes in the bedroom put away nicely, but they there's still dirty laundry, and also the workout clothes in the living room, and some in the bathroom, and it all doesn't fit and has to go in a storage container or gets stuffed in a weird place and you never see it again! So don't get storage. If it doesn't fit in your house, that means it likely doesn't fit in your current life. And either the object has to go, or your life needs to change.
"Wait, it's not the things I'm discarding, but the things I'm keeping that are in this room!"
This is a principle that I think didn't really occur to me, or a lot of people. Getting rid of excess stuff is important, yes, but making sure what you're keeping is meaningful is equally and sometimes even more important. It's something that could be applied to all areas of your life.
"Your home is linked to your body. If it isn't comfortable to live in, you'll feel exhausted, just like I did."
KonMarie puts so much love into her method. If you've never seen her show, I highly recommend it. It isn't like Hoarders at all. It's like the difference between American Gordon Ramsey and The Great British Bakeoff. Even if the families depicted are a little tense, it's clear they still love each other deeply and just need to be guided into making their home a place where that love can happen unimpeded.
If you've never gotten into KonMarie, I'd say this is a stellar first exposure. I love the hell out of this tiny, thoughtful woman.
Have a couple of bonus faces because the artist is a gem.
*don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious*
I’ve already lost count of my books. 6 down, 200 something to go.
