#koryos talks

[koryos]

you, a generalist unspecialized mouse or mouselike mammal:

- food goes from esophagus to stomach to intestine

- can eat and digest almost anything

- adaptable and can survive in many different environments

me, a specialized sanguivorous vampire bat:

- food goes from esophagus to intestine to stomach to intestine

- can only eat blood

- will die if I don’t eat for one night (unless someone vomits in my mouth)

- will die if there’s not enough humidity in the air

- will die if I exercise too much

- will become dehydrated if I drink too much

- constantly pissing so I’m not too heavy to fly

[koryos]

If vampires worked like vampire bats do they’d be so stressed out all the time. Imagine vampires living in a house like “THE HUMIDIFIERS, HELEN! TURN ON THE HUMIDIFIERS! I’M DEHYDRATED!” Vampires that have to wear fitbits to count the # of steps they can take before passing out. Vampires that gotta slam 45 liters of blood each night, 365 days a year (which, like who has the time or the money for that?) Vampires that swell up like Aunt Marge while eating. And yes, vampires who are ALWAYS wearing their adult diapers. Or, alternatively, “I’m hungry. Helen, bring the victim over by the toilet!”

[koryos]

I have half a dozen projects I never followed through on... but I AM currently working on Earthcast vol 1. Here are a couple cover concepts I had to prove it (neither of which are probably going to be on the final book).

I know a lot of people would rather me publish the full omnibus as one physical volume, but I literally cannot- it is too long of a story, and POD only lets you have so many pages in a book before prices start to veer into the ridiculous. (And in general, the printing company gets about 3/4th of what you pay for the book anyway; I’d have to cut my share down almost to zero to keep it under $60, blah blah blah, I desire funds.) I may explore other publishing options but the bottom line is no POD/vanity publisher is going to print 900+ pages without astronomical cost.

I will be releasing the digital version as an omnibus like I did with Darkeye, though.

I’ve gotten a few questions about if I’m still writing Speak, Dog, and I’m probably not going to release a whole book of short stories. I apologize for that, but my brain has kind of moved on from that universe. I do, however, want to finish the original novella, because I liked the characters. When will that be done? Can’t... say. It’d be dishonest to try and give you a date at this point, so I will just leave you with the fact that I have PLANS. To do THINGS.

(also, hi guys. i’ve not been very active on tumblr lately but i am still here)

[koryos]

littlerainbowofnotokay said: They’re dead, right, so maybe they don’t need 45 full liters because they just don’t process as much? 

If we’re basing them off bats, they wouldn’t be dead. I know it seems like vampire bats SHOULD all be dead, and frankly it seems faintly necromantic that they’re alive at all, but yes, they do somehow live. Dead creatures usually require no nutrition so I guess that would solve the problem though.

(Obviously this is all in jest and I don’t mind magical/undead vampires at all- I’ve written stories about them!)

[koryos]

happy valentine’s day, remember sharing is caring

[koryos]

GUILLERMO DEL TORO STOLE MY IDEA

Hi, so, somehow I had managed to avoid seeing the trailer for The Shape of Water until today, and while I knew it was about a tender romance between woman and fish, I did NOT realize the woman in question only spoke in sign language. This is simply way too close to a short story I have been working on sporadically since March 2016 with the joke title of ‘Merhands.’ Key differences are:

a. the main character in my story is actually deaf

b. homosexuality

In any case I can never prove that Del Toro hacked into my google docs and stole my IP, and I probably won’t ever finish and release it due to the fear of it being forever known as ‘Lesbian Shape of Water,’ so I am just going to put up what I had already written here for all to see.

CLICK HERE TO EXAMINE THE STORY IN QUESTION

*Sadly I had not yet gotten to any lesbian bits; as I said I worked on it VERY sporadically. But fun fact the mermaid’s lower half was partially based on seahorse anatomy for all you perverts.

**I am not actually mad at Guillermo Del Toro because I am sure there are hundreds upon hundreds of mute-woman-desperately-falls-in-love-with-swamp-monster stories out there, I just figured if I was never gonna finish this I might as well share it.

EDIT: Since it was apparently not clear enough that this was a joke, THIS IS A  JOKE  based on the similarity of my story with The Shape of Water, I don’t actually think the man hacked into my account and stole my goofy mermaid story, please stop sending me asks in defense of Guillermo Del Toro he is fine and I am fine

[koryos]

you become the ultimate DM when you have a trained gerbil who rolls your dice for you

[koryos]

David Attenborough’s Natural Curiosities, S1 E2