Contains: Domestic Fluff, Semi-OOC, No Nancy AU, Joseph Is Your Son.
A/N: I'm usually a Hank gal, but I'm lowkey falling in love with Dale (and Bill). So have this.
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༊*·˚ Reluctantly quit after being hospitalized from inhaling pesticides for years. Only agreed to it because you cried and begged him to consider his health. (And you promised to fund his show-turtle hobby)
༊*·˚ Had a hard time the first month or two. He'd never been a homemaker before. Lots of accidents when it came to cleaning and cooking. (Peggy accidently taught him to make mustard gas)
༊*·˚ But after a while, and some lessons from Laoma and Minh, he got the hang of it.
༊*·˚ Now Joseph and Bobby get a ride home from school everyday; there's always breakfast on the table when you and Joseph wake up; and dinner & a cleaned house when you get home from work.
༊*·˚ He's not the best cook by any means, but he's getting better everyday thanks to Minh.
༊*·˚ For dinner, he usually sticks to something simple but delicious. For example: grilled burgers, roast chicken & instant potatoes, meatloaf & frozen veggies, and pork chops with baked potatoes.
༊*·˚ Breakfast is either cereal; or a small mixed plate of eggs, toast, meat, and juice.
༊*·˚ He packs you a lunch too if you need it! Probably something quick like a sandwich, fruit, chips, dessert, and drink. But if you need something more, trust me he'll try his best.
༊*·˚ A surprisingly good cleaner. After taking some tips from Laoma, he had the house looking spotless and smelling fresh everyday afterwards.
༊*·˚ To your word, you make sure to set aside some money for his odd hobbies. It's the least you can do after how heartbroken he was quitting his job, his life's passion.
༊*·˚ So far it hasn't been too expensive. You mostly get him supplies for his turtles. Such as a bigger tank, premium food & substrate, and an extra soft toothbrush to clean their shells.
༊*·˚ Of course there's also the insane amount of cigarettes he needs and occasional alien artifact you have to buy too. But in the end you don't mind that much, considering how clean and well fed the family is now thanks to him.
༊*·˚ Joseph seems to be doing better too. With you and Dale both working, he unfortunately didn't get a lot of parental bonding time. But now that Dale is always home, they get to spend a lot more time together. Even you get to see him more, since you don't have to worry about keeping up with the cooking and cleaning.
༊*·˚ And of course the change has been great for your relationship too. It's been wonderful not having to worry about him dying from his crazy chemicals and pesticides.
༊*·˚ Now you two are able to spend nights cozied up on the couch like a normal(ish) couple. Watching his silly conspiracy programs, snacking on some cookies he made, and snuggling under a fluffy blanket.
༊*·˚ He still loves talking about bugs, and finding (non-chemical) ways to kill them around the house. But you love him all the same.
A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)
Everything, duh! But that goes without saying...
So specifically speaking: if you're a hardworking and independent type, he finds that sooo sexy. Power and strength are incredibly attractive to him. Opposites do attract!
If you're a more timid and soft person, he thinks that's cute. It gives him the urge to step up and be your big strong man!
If you're a bit flighty or unstable, well, that's okay! He sticks with the person he loves, he'll always be there to support you no matter what's going on.
Basically, no matter what kind of person you are, he adores you. Fully head over heels.
B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)
F: Your chest and legs. He's for sure a boob-guy, real sucker for them, especially if they're on the bigger side. I could also see him loving a pair of long, toned legs though too.
Definitely the kind of man to literally drool if you're wearing a low cut top, push-up bra, or a pair of booty shorts.
M: Your arms and shoulders. Bonus if you have muscles! He'd for sure love a bear or gym-bro kind of guy. He loves being wrapped in your arms and feeling your broad shoulders under his hands. 🤭
He'd be putty in your hands if you wore a crop top or stringer tank around him.
C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)
Down to cuddle in any position at any time. Though he does have his favorites.
If you're significantly smaller than him, he'd love to have you lay on him like a blanket. The pressure brings him a lot of comfort, and he likes feeling you all small in his big arms. :)
Another top choice would be you in his lap or being his little-spoon.
But if you're sitting in his in lap, don't expect things to stay PG for long. ;)
If you're much bigger than him, he'd prefer to snuggle into your chest and be held like a teddy bear. It makes him feel safe and warm.
D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)
Bill's ideal date would probably be somewhere fun, somewhere he could get to know you in a casual setting.
Maybe an arcade, carnival, or Abracapasta. Not the most romantic or "mature", but you're sure to have a great time, and that's what really matters!
Though that's his ideal date, I think he'd be equally as likely to take you somewhere fancy just to impress you. ESPESCIALLY if it's a first date.
In that case, he'd get a nice suit (for way too much money), spray on a lot of cologne, and take you to a nice upscale steak house or Italian restaurant.
E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)
He's good at expressing how he feels usually, as long as there's no pushback. He's unfortunately learned from his past relationships to be a total doormat who's nervous about standing up for himself.
But after a few months or a year of being together, he'll learn that you aren't like his exes. You don't belittle him or push his boundaries. He has no reason to feel scared telling you how he feels.
F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)
YES! He absolutely wants a family! A big one too!
If don't want kids though, or only one, he'd learn to be okay with that. But in an ideal situation, he'd love at least 3 or 4 kids. Or as many as you'll give him. :)
Bill is the type of man to jump into things of course, so I think as soon as you're married, he's ready to start trying.
He would secretly be such a girl-dad too. The guys expect him to want a son, like them and every other republican man, but he'd LOVE to have some sweet little girls to take care of!
He'd always play dress-up with them too. You can't count the amount of times he's walked into your shared room wearing a pink princess dress, tiara, and poorly done makeup. <3
G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)
He's pretty good a gift giving. He of course has his misses, like everyone, but he almost always gets you something you actually like.
He does have a bad habit of buying things he can't really afford though. He just wants to impress you and spoil you like you deserve. :(
In return, he gets so giddy receiving any type of gift from you. Literally even the smallest, cheapest thing would have him thanking you like a goddess.
H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)
Bill would hold your hand 24/7 if he could. It's one of his favorite forms of affection since it's acceptable to do anywhere. Anytime you talk a walk or sit with him on the couch, plan to have one of your hands glued to his the entire time.
Always does that thing where he rubs the top of your hand with his thumb, just enjoying the feel of your skin against his.
I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)
#1 overreactor. He completely exaggerates how bad the injury or illness is.
It's sweet though, really. It may be a little embarrassing if he starts panicking or yelling for help, but at least you know he really really cares.
J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)
Pranks? I think he would try them but they would always somehow backfire on him haha.
And jokes, yeah of course. He always tries to banter with you, it's 50/50 whether the joke lands or not.
K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)
Passionately. Messily, even.
He was alone for so long he wants to really savor any intimacy with you. He'll usually have one arm wrapped around your waist, and his other hand holding the back of your head.
And he lowkey forgot how to kiss well, so bare with him for a little while.
Bill also always makes sure to give you a kiss every time one of you leaves the house. Sometimes the kisses linger a bit cause he doesn't want to leave you.
L = Love (how do they show you they love you?)
In anyway he can/anyway you want. Though he probably doesn't know the term "love languages", he does happen to try and embody all of them.
But praise is to be expected the most. He loooves bragging about you to anyone who will listen. People literally have to tell him to shut up or he'll never stop talking about how funny, beautiful, and smart you are.
Bill will also shower you in support. He'll laugh extra hard at your jokes if they didn't land, or have thirds of the burnt food you made so you don't think it's bad. If you feel down about clothes not fitting right or outfits not looking as good as you imagined, he'll tell you you look like a model. And if you ever forget something or make a mistake, he'll be sure to remind you that you aren't stupid and everyone has bad days.
M = Memory (favorite memory together?)
The first time you said "I love you" to each other. He cherishes it just as much, if not more than your wedding day or first time meeting.
He replays his favorite memories of you whenever he's missing you.
(Which is anytime you aren't in the same room as him. <3)
N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)
You leaving him. Bill was a mess for years after Lenore left, and she treated him horribly. He could not handle it if you left him too.
O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)
He smells your clothes when you aren't around and he's missing you.
He probably watches you sleep too.
P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)
Bill always refers to you with cheesy, embarrassingly cute nicknames.
Think things like "snookums, baby cakes, love bug, sweet cheeks, pookie bear, kitty cat, etc..."
He loves it when you call him "handsome" or "big guy"
Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)
He loves watching soap operas and reality tv with you.
With lots of snacks and takeout to eat while bingeing the show.
I think he'd also like it if you occasionally drank in the alley with him and his friends.
The guys honestly wouldn't enjoy it much, but he really wants you and his best friends to get to know each other, so you all deal with it. 😅
R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)
The Gambler - Kenny Rogers
I don't really have a good reason for this other than I can vividly imagine him loudly singing this song while driving down a highway.
S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)
Very open, some would say too open.
TMI does not exist with him, and he doesn't really think before he speaks.
So you'll be subjected to just about every random thought that comes to him.
T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)
He thought you were together the moment you locked eyes.
So when it comes to being official? That's more up to you. Most likely a few weeks or less.
U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)
Bill is very attentive and caring. He'd do whatever it takes to solve your problems or bring a smile back to your face.
He'll buy you snacks, stuffed animals, or tickets to a local event.
Maybe he'll take you out shopping if those don't work.
If you're really down in the dumps, he'll give Bobby a few dollars to preform his newest comedy routine for you.
That usually does the trick if nothing else.
V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)
Of COURSE he shows you off.
And he takes extra pride in showing you off to everyone who thought he'd be alone forever. Seeing their jaws drop at how good you look gives him a sense of accomplishment almost. Like "Yeah, my partner is that hot."
W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)
Would never want you to fight, he'd always try to step between you and the other person before it gets psychical.
He would fight for you though, esp if it's standing up to some creepy guy hitting on you.
He'd probably lose, but as long as you're safe, he doesn't really care about that.
X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)
He's learned to read you pretty well. He can almost always accurately tell if your mood has subtly shifted.
It's really helpful when your in a group gathering and something made you upset. He's able to pick up on it and make an excuse for you two to leave.
Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)
I think it'd be a surprise and combined with an engagement party.
He'd send the ladies of the neighborhood out to get your nails and hair done with them as a distraction.
While that's going on he'd ask the guys for help setting up a nice bbq in his backyard, complete with flowers, a banner, and white tablecloths.
When you get back with the girls, they'd lead you through the front door and secretly get their cameras ready while you head to the backyard.
You thought it was weird they insisted on getting a cute new outfit and sandals just for a neighborhood picnic, but you were shocked when you saw Bill on his knee at the sliding door.
The guys behind him and the women behind you bit their nails as they listened to Bill's speech, just praying you'd say yes and not break his heart.
Of course you said yes, but not without choking back tears from his heartfelt confession.
The rest of the evening went on smoothly. Your and Bill's friends couldn't have been happier for the two of you, but especially him. They almost couldn't believe Bill had finally found a safe, stable, committed relationship.
Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)
Nothing calms him down more than cuddling in bed on a nice rainy night with you, usually some tv quietly playing in the background.
