#koyel

[afternoonblues]

day 86: tomoe continues to steal my heart.

[pffbts]

▶list 6 random facts about yourself and then pass it on to your 10 favourite followers!

tagged by a very beautiful human @soft-alice , aka my all-time favourite turtle anon!

1. my favourite colour is blue and anything that`s pastel.

2. in 19 years of my current life, i haven`t had any irl best friend. 

3. it`s my wish to learn how to speak and write japanese, can anyone of you teach me? just saying.

4. i had already experienced my first love, which was unrequited btw and somehow i`m thankful that love didn`t succeed.

5. i hate cockroaches.

6. i hate darkness.

7. my favourite time of the day is afternoon.

8. my favourite season is spring which is maybe because i`m a spring woman.

9. i like anything that`s heavy with emotions. i`m a sucker for angst and sad endings.

10. i`m currently in love with too many people (both fictional & non-fictional) but it`s okay. that way, i`m in peace.

and now, let`s tag some people: @honeyliyannn // liyan ; @rrrj-01 // rhea; @ddalgimin // sunny ; @mogithewhale ; @guktwt ; @twinklejourney // didi ; @btt-ss // elli ; @hwanggeum-ashi ; @youaresadwhaticansay ; @empyreanjoon ; @apurpledheart // i`m ready to be your client to say that you`re doing good ;)

[pffbts]

[07:49 PM] koyel: *face smashed to the pillow* so guys, what`s up? how are you guys doing? as you guys know, i had my last entrance exam of this lifetime today (FINALLY SOME GOODASS OXYGEN) and wow, what a rollercoaster ride it was―allow me to start from the scratch.

i didn`t get any sort of sleep last night, went bed real late, woke up too early, didn`t have an efficient breakfast, had to travel for a whole one and half hour to another part of the city for my examination centre, it was so fucking hot and the centre wasn`t even air-conditioned (wow.), had to give a five hours exam (including 75 questions of maths i.e 100 marks, 80 questions from physics and chemistry), i was sweating all the time. apart from my physics paper (because it was really tough), the other ones went moderately well.

now to the best part―aka the rollercoaster part. when i entered into the allotted room inside the exam centre, i was severely confused with my seat like there was basically a 100 student in one room. i asked one of the invigilators for some guidance and when i said my roll number, he guided to my place by pointing out the row. i walked over, only looking at the stickers that were pasted on the couple benches (two people can only sit in those benches). i saw my roll number and sat there, placing my admit and identity card along with a water bottle. i knew there a boy beside me but i didn`t look up because i heard giggles from him. i legit thought that this is a usual thing for them to laugh at me like that because i`ve really short hair, like hazel form the fault on our stars. but i really don`t give a fuck about that. he`s a stranger afterall.

out of nowhere, that same boy snapped his finger in front of my face and when i turned around―boy, am i excited?―woo, hell yes. it was the same guy with whom i passed my boards some few months ago, he was in the  same stream as me, our school roll numbers were literally 5 numbers apart, and our benches were legit next to each other and we went to the same maths and computer science tuition for the past two years of my high school. ALSO, HE USED TO LIKE ME. but he was really shy, so he just showed it through small gestures, like sharing foods with me, pulling out the chair for me in the computer lab, helping me out with the absent lab days, gave me notes also, he was the first guy friend who talked with me when i first came to this school, that same day we walked back home under the pouring rain because both of our homes is in the same neighbourhood. he was literally giggling like crazy when he saw me and i was like “what? where did you come here from?”

we talked a lot before the exam started, only about studies though, he`s better in studies than me but he was really struggling with the entrance exams. his marks are not even close to mine which are higher for my standard. but he wished me all the best, telling me that he`ll hope i get what i want. i wished him good vibes too. we literally sat there (listen, he never sat with me in the same bench before in school cause it was a shameful act for the boys, don`t know from where that stupid concept comes from, anyway.) for FIVE HOURS. then after coming out of the centre, he stood behind me with his mother in the bus stop. i was standing there with my mother too. she knows that he likes me and all but his mother doesn`t approve of him talking to any girl (like wtf?).

tbh i don`t know why, but it felt good―seeing a school friend, also the same guy who pushed his hand out for a handshake when i got into this school, walked me home even though we both were drowning in rain. but if he had told me that he liked me with his voice, i would have accepted him but he didn`t and so, i couldn`t really pull out my voice too.

anyway, now i`m back home. took a nice shower. but i`m really tired. i`ll post some letters tomorrow because for now, till june 15th before my college counselling starts, i`ll be all free. so expect some good contents all throughout the time.

have a good day/night, beautiful people.

[pffbts]

9, 18, 23 💛

this ask is about this post!

9. night/day? reason?

→night all the way because the only sun that i need for my needed daylight is jung hoseok. also, if you ask for a reason maybe it`s because i love the night wind, the quietness in the background. it`s the best time for inspiration to hit you like a truck. most of my writings are done during the night time so i guess you understand where my reasonings come from.

18. what kind of music suits you?

→ as an indian, i`ve always been witnessing all type of musical genres and in different languages. but if you ask me which exact genre suits me then i would say a soft rock or soft pop. somewhere along the lines of r & b too. i`m not much into rap music. okay, you might ask then why the hell am i in love with bts and the most legendary rapline. mayhaps because their rap is unique, it has a soft vibe to it too. like for me if you ask the most amazing rap song that they made then it would be ‘outro: her’ but sometimes it also depends on my mood. but it all happens in my insides. i`m a very calm person yet a fickle minded one, so i don`t really get well with loud, hype music. you can check out my playlist here to see through my choices!

23. what is the most beautiful thing you ever did, something you`re really proud of?

→ making this blog, meeting you people. having the kind of conversations i always wanted to have. sharing my interests with you all. finding friends who never stop giving me all their loves. thank to you and everyone on my blog who keeps on showing love for me. i want to make you all be proud of me in the coming future too.

[pffbts]

it`s sickening how some people don`t understand the meaning of social anxiety, stage fear and feeling isolated. surprisingly if that person is a medical person. like, yes, i`m an introvert but i`m not someone who doesn`t have confidence and i don`t like speaking to real life people but that`s because i fear at one point they will break that developing trust i was yearning. people just have high expectation for me, but they don`t get the inner battle i`m trying to diminish every day. they don`t see the struggles i go through. they think i`m a rude, insensitive, strong headed person, but do you really even care to see through me? to understand why the fuck am i feeling like this? please, don`t tell me to say how the food taste not until i actually put it in my mouth. let me reach to that level and then i`ll understand the situation.

[pffbts]

9 (the ask thing) 💞

this ask is about this post!

9. night/day? reason?

→night all the way because the only sun that i need for my needed daylight is jung hoseok. also, if you ask for a reason maybe it`s because i love the night wind, the quietness in the background. it`s the best time for inspiration to hit you like a truck. most of my writings are done during the night time so i guess you understand where my reasonings come from.

[pffbts]

7. 🐨

this ask is about this post!

@ddalgimin also asked: 20. 🐨

 7. what is the season that makes you feel at ease?

→ spring! because i`m a spring woman as in born in 25th march! but sometimes i like autumn too. you can say october is that kind of month of me because in my city and almost all over india we have a series of celebration going on. for us, bengalis, it`s durga puja; a six days long celebrations and all. new clothes, new foods, and all those goodies.

20. what is the first thing you notice when you see someone for the first time?

→ it`s a very conflicting question but here we go―it`s their eyes. i love them because it differs from each and every person. some carry lots of emotions while some are blank and hesitant. i can actually feel what they think about me by the way they look at me with those eyes. sometimes, that happens only in case of men through―their hands. i just love the concept of holding their hands and inspecting them. it`s nothing perverted or anything. it`s just if they really have pretty, hot hands i`ll like to be palm to palm for one second at least. but sadly, it`s not acceptable in the society we live in. so i don`t do such things. but it`s always their eyes―every single time i come back to inspecting their eyes from time to time. (recently i had a discussion with one of my internet friends here aka liyan ; @honeyliyannn where i discovered that i`ve an eye kink. it`s was a hilarious conversation about a certain person)

[koyelseoespert]

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