“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m making you… go through all that”, you lean towards Miles’ neck to make your apology more substantial.
“Phoenix”, he calls you out. He’s not angry, not annoyed, not scared. Calm and soft.
“Please”, you hoarse. Kristoph trained your well. It’s almost a reflex. If you kneel and ask nicely maybe you get to be torn apart as a rewarding distraction.
“Phoenix”, he keeps pressing, and that’s clearly a “stop”. And a word from Miles is more than enough for you to obey. “Not now. Not like that”.
You hide your face in his shoulder with a quiet growl. You need something – anything – to make you forget. And alcohol doesn’t really do the trick for you anymore. It doesn’t leave anything in you except the desire to run away.
But he’s right, of course. And he knows a lot about for how long the right thing hurts until it starts resembling healing.
“Miles”, you say, with no continuation in your mind. It’s an affirmation on its own. There’s so much in it.
“Hm?”, he runs a hand though your hair and it just might be enough.
You get to fall asleep in his embrace that night. Something you wanted to do for years, except you never thought you are going to be so broken and he would be the one to hold you so you wouldn’t fall to pieces.