#ktfxo

[ryansattheross]

Hmmmm my biggest issue right now is just that I have extreme bouts of emotions and I just do not express them. Since I grew up suppressing impulses and being medicated to easily suppress these impulses from adhd, I don’t actually know how unstable I would be without meds. I want certain people to stay and talk to me all the time but I find it annoying when other people spam or beg or continuously voice their insecurities in relationships or whatever so I don’t do it. Often I feel like I don’t receive the affirmation I need because I myself wont allow it. Oh well, it’s not so bad. I just generally feel miserable and there are so many emotions at a time my chest aches all the time. And if I’m not being stimulated to feel joy in a space in time i feel this emptiness and depression. I wanna be kicked in the ribs until they all break..that would be hot

yap yap yap that’s all i ever do xo

[ryansattheross]

god if I could have any artstyle it would be kidutuskone or father Mary on twitter. It’s so delicious omfg ngggh..if you search it up like berwarb for like sh and shit tho ok gyyyulp #NEED THAT

[ryansattheross]

i should probably get a hobby at least before i kill myself

[ryansattheross]

omfg i’m at a low again jesus christ

i guess that’s the only time i post tho 🤑🤑

like it’s so weird why do i have to be suicidal and also lazy as hell the train tracks are so fucking close i can taste them

ugghhhhhhhhhhhg

and like i crave attention but im kind of hating everyone

can i just be left alone except the people who make me happy

and like i dunno i want to be talked to first i don’t wanna be the one initiating all the time.

and there ARE people who initiate messages but one i’m just kinda annoyed with and the other i'm pathetically desperate for

i fucking hate myself in any case and really wanna cut but i don’t feel like getting up

hurkkkk i might or ill just masturbate i dunno

[ryansattheross]

i feel almost narcissistic man. like everything i do is self serving and it’s kinda great. it’s a really great way to get over feeling the stupidest easiest mf ever. and i know this mood isn’t gonna last cause it never does but i might as well write down how it feels while i feel it. i begin to compartmentalize people based on what they do for me, what part of me they can fulfill, i definitely do this to move around the largest form of hurt in my life. sighhh what am i even doing this is so annoying. i wish i could stop doing this but its so hard. i’m genuinely so fucking sensitive that i can’t help but isolate at the smallest of things. i know damn well i do the same shit but it really hurts and i wish it didn’t.

k goodnight

[ryansattheross]

it’s kind of been weighing on be to come up with a solution for the object of a kind of love that is far over the border of obsession and truly i don’t know. i mean how else can you explain it? Because sure id move the sun with my bare hands just to make sure it’s never directly in your eyes but even then would you still hold my charred hands? because if you wouldn’t what’s even the point. the only worth i have is what you assign to me and thats how i want it to be. really. and back on the original vein, i dont want the sun to be in your eyes because anything but me in your line of sight is sickening. i dont know what im ever talking about this entire monologue has been in my brain a while and i just want it outtttt

[ryansattheross]

hello yes me again can this be like my prayer journal. Ok sick. Hmmmm I wish for ummm good porn. That’s all. Please good porn thank you. And whimper audios. Okay thanks. That’s all

[ryansattheross]

crazy that i’ll immediately get a crush on any guy with hair past his ears omfg 💔