#kurodrabble

[wonxkyun]

pepero day

it’s been a while since i’ve written something for wonkyun. very rusty and unbeta’d, includes a lot of personal conjectures and what not. as usual, dedicated to the light of my life @won-kyun. i’m sorry it is so late.

sweet smiles adorn faces as the phone captures the image of pepero boxes as minhyuk explains the game they are about to play. yet another one of those live broadcasts that helps them reach out to more fans. vaguely scripted, formulated in a way that fans would enjoy. except today was pepero day and one can only imagine the possible contents. wonho banks on something similar to what was presented in the amen music video, something simple to make hearts flutter and smiles brighten but minhyuk waves the packet in front of their faces and it dawns on him that this is fanservice of another sort.

wonho’s hand winds around changkyun’s wrist, almost instinctively as he flashes minhyuk a smile, determining the partnership for himself. it causes a domino effect across the room, but wonho barely notices the rest as he smiles, trying to laugh it off in his own way when a bag of pepero and a ruler are presented. he draws one out of the bag, thankful that it is chocolate before holding the cracker end between his teeth. hurry he beckons changkyun, asking the younger one to eat towards him like what he has witnessed in running man. the calorie intake isn’t that bad but he’d rather be safe than sorry.

one hand on the maknae’s shoulder as he watches the distance decrease — bite by bite, centimeter by centimeter — then there is slight hesitance as changkyun’s lips widen, baring his teeth as he nibbles, seemingly wondering if he should continue. wonho takes initiative then. he’s scheduled for exercise shortly after this anyways, he justifies before taking a bite — too large to not be purposeful as his lips brushes against changkyun’s. then he exclaims, points a finger and covers his mouth, as he tries to confirm whether or not changkyun’s ears have gone red (like his own). all he gets is a nearly bashful look as wonho continues to harp on how this is revenge for deokspatch x and how changkyun was playing dirty that time in almost accidentally kissing him. there’s grossed out faces across the room, faking discomfort, and erupting laughter to diminish the awkwardness, something similar to gunhee after his encounter with minhyuk. after a while, they move on to the next “couple” like they always do.

it leaves wonho wishing this could take place in another context — one without fanservice written all over it.

[dyoris]

and all our yesterdays

word count: too fucking long to be a drabble 796 pairing: wonwoo/seungcheol summary: and all our yesterdays (were leading up to this) warnings: unbeta’d. basically a hot mess and a reflection of my trash state. this ficlet shouldn’t even exist. a/n: so i became seventeen trash at the speed of light then hit by a truck of feels in the form of woncheol. basically derived from fronting lyrics. there is too much backstory to this and it deserves a proper fic but who has the time to cry and die all over again. as in all things, i’m blaming sei that this was conceived in the first place.

“What is your ideal type?”

Such an innocent question. Wonwoo glances at the spread of magazines on the bed, some covers rendering himself shy. So he looks away, looking at Seungcheol instead, wondering if he should brave honesty, speculating the outcomes. Between eternal questioning and the possibility of being laughed at, Wonwoo decides to choose the lesser of two evils.

“You.”

There’s a moment of silence before Seungcheol laughs. It sounds forced but that might just be Wonwoo’s desperation speaking. “Don’t make fun of me.”

Wonwoo chooses not to read into it. Instead, he laughs along, keeping his gestures relaxed and expression unguarded. “I don’t have one.” A half-truth or a white lie depends upon the perspective.

And this was the end of that.

---

Rooftop lunch sessions become both a hide out and a sanctuary when homeroom is no longer shared. A wave of a hand, a curl of lips, a pat of concrete signalling for the other to join. Then there’s the hand through hair, the knees gently pressed against each other, and the rustle of convenient store bought bread. Somewhere in between, a conversation or a nap fits in.

“Did you accept?” Seungcheol asks.

Confused, Wonwoo’s brows furrow. “Accept what?”

“The confession. At least I assumed so. I saw you during practice, near the storage room and there was a girl...”

Wonwoo takes a bite out of the red bean bread and nods. Seungcheol follows suit.

“She’s pretty,” he adds, unsure as to why it sounds like words intended for comfort (and if so, is it to comfort himself or Wonwoo?)

“She has your smile.”

---

She looks at him, expectant before closing her eyes. Wonwoo leans forward before realizing all the ways in which this doesn’t feel right. “I’m sorry,” slips from lips, like it should have all those weeks ago. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again because no human should be treated as a tool to test yourself against.

---

It’s been weeks since they last walked home together — Wonwoo no longer able to accommodate to Seungcheol’s schedule. He waits by the locker of shoes, idle as he kicks dust, only for him to grin too widely when his friend arrives.

The walk is always so short. Wonwoo watches as the bus pulls up a few meters away; five more minutes and the neighborhood in which they reside could be seen.

You’ll tell him, Wonwoo promises himself, if the light turns red. If an opportunity drops from heaven like a cue.

It does.

Wonwoo takes a glance at his friend, noticing the parts that feel natural to him. The lack of a significant height difference for one, the lack of a need to scour the brain for a decent conversation topic for another. Eyes fall to lips and Wonwoo forces himself to turn away.

“What do you think about kissing?” 

Probably should have given an explanation or some sort of transition but this has been shoved to a corner of the brain since a convenience store run one evening, meeting him on the streets while turning a corner, streetlight illumination setting off a heart to beat at a rapid pace. Dragging feet along to extend time until Seungcheol turns around mid sentence to check upon Wonwoo and his mouth goes dry. He’s toeing the crosswalk, salvaged by the don’t walk sign in the form of a stationary red human, highlighting Seungcheol’s lashes and

“What?”

“I broke up with her a few days ago,” it comes out all wrong especially when Seungcheol throws an arm over Wonwoo’s shoulder and expresses You should have told me sooner. Wonwoo doesn’t want consolation.

“I gave it a shot and it didn’t work out.” The bus in the distance begins to move on. The end of the jacket sleeve is tucked into his fist to prevent himself from reaching out to grab Seungcheol’s arm. “She has your smile,” he says under his breath instead and hates how desperate it sounds, sentences long lacking logic to evoke some form of coherency. 

The light turns green in the periphery but there’s a firm hand around Wonwoo’s wrist that keeps him in place. Then there’s a bump of noses as a result of hastiness and inexperience and laughter spills from lips. Wonwoo fights the heat creeping onto his cheeks, threatening to give him away, the erratic pounding of his heart audible in his ears. But then there’s a readjustment of the hand on his wrist, followed by the tilt of a head and the soft press of lips against his. 

There’s no choice but to smile, weak kneed and helpless as always, even more so as their fingers entwine and Seungcheol says, “let’s go home.”

[wonxkyun]

a certain kind of sadness

pairing: hinted unrequited!wonho/i.m and i.m/hyungwon summary: all things should be carefully balanced upon a precipice; wonho’s heart is one of these things. a/n: i understand that not all gestures are romantic but for the purpose of writing i will interpret them as such. spawned from deokspatch x episode 2. unbeta’d. i can address any questions regarding my conjectures about wonho's personality.

There are those who protect and those who needs protection, Wonho has never been of the latter category (except for some nights that he disregards as exceptions). At the end of the day, Wonho is made of brains and brawn with extra emphasis on the brawn, in contrast to Hyungwon who exudes this state of perpetual drowsiness like a child who had just been awoken from his nap. So it is only natural that protection comes hand in hand.

Yet all things must be carefully balanced on a precipice; Wonho's heart is one of these things.

They say, you wear your heart on your sleeve where it is plain for the world to see and it has always been that way concluded by a laugh where his only option is to join in. It is true. Masking through facial expression is nearly impossible, all other forms seem contrived and unnatural, affection displayed too readily until realization is too late and what's done has already been done. If they can detect immediately that he's been placed on the blue team, what's to say about the nature of his heart?

Options are always present in any given situation. Here, they are simple. Wonho can choose to take the dive, plunge with all he's got, with the awareness that harmony might be disrupted and awkwardness might ensue or

he turns away, opting to strike up a conversation with Kihyun about musical possibilities than dwell on hands entwined that are not his own.

[wonxkyun]

title: honestly word count: 447 pairing: wonho/changkyun summary: when the leader of monsta x is announced, there’s a sense of dejection. a/n: subject to revision. unbeta’d and derived from my subjective opinions. if anyone wants links to some of the context here, feel free to message me.

so wrapped up in your thoughts are you that you miss his approach or rather he’s slipped into a state you haven’t seen him since he first arrived. withdrawn and holding himself back because he understood the precarious situation he stood in, how public opinion was probably against him, and all his future teammates probably hated his guts — not because he was bad but because the situation was awful.

you look up from the blank screen you’ve been staring at for a while now. he’s in that state where he tastes his words, running them through his head, and marinates over them until they are perfect. you wait, you’ve learned to. because as bright and comfortable as he is now, he’s still the meticulous trainee who acknowledged everyone’s discomfort and tried not to step on too many toes.

“shownu would be a great leader,” he says then pauses. you don’t interrupt because you know he’s not quite finished. what would you even reply with when you agree with such a statement?

“but don’t forget how you led two teams to victory,” it is quiet, reassuring somehow. there’s a retort on the tip of your tongue of how he wasn’t there for segyero but you recall how he did his homework before k.will introduced him and—

“a leader is not only in title.” 

you try to tease out what he means by attempting to gauge his implications via facial expressions but he’s returned to the quiet thoughtful self. lips part and then close soon after.

a leader is what you make of it. a leader without a title isn’t any less of a leader and shownu needs all the support he can get is what you take away from it.

“thank you,” you say and two simple words are worth it when eyes turn into small crescents. you chuckle and so does he. changkyun finds his way to your side, tilting his head for a view of the screen now brought to life. 

and with that the unsettling feeling dissipates.

[dyoris]

in•cen•di•ary

jin-centric and born from the possibility of jin smoking (except he can't light a lighter as proven by MPD commentary for Danger MV). It quickly escalated to an AU out of my control. Sorry for the word vomit.

"Really?" the tone is almost incredulous, brows arched in question. The cigarette dangles between Seokjin's lips as he shrugs in reply, before fingers set the match ablaze and he coaxes the cigarette to life.

"Takes too long" he offers, offhandedly. Experience has taught him long ago as he splays his fingers against Taehyung's for demonstration, smirks as he reads the expression on the young man's face. And yes, his fingers are as fucked go as the rest of him.

-

It's a split second decision made from accumulating curiosity. There's an unspoken rule about segregation that Seokjin's neatly pressed uniform doesn't belong in the shadows of the back of the school.

But he's here and he might as well follow through.

There's the whirring sound of cicadas in the distance and a tie only traps the summer heat. He loosens it before approaching — leather shoes against pavement announces his arrival.

They look up.

They don't say a word — not an invitation nor do they turn him away. Most return to their own activity. Seokjin is under scrutiny by one man and since he doesn't seem to be leaving soon, the stranger asks, "you want one?" A pack of cigarettes, only a little more than half left, Seokjin draws one out.

"Here," the other offers, lighter already lit. Seokjin has witnessed the act a hundred times — in a different setting with chandeliers and never to himself — that he leans forward, hand cupped to shield the flame, and sets his gift on fire.

Inhale. Exhale. How hard can it be?

But here he is with sets of eyes trained on him as he tears up and attempts to hack out his lungs. There's a smile on the boy's face as if he had foreseen it since Seokjin joined them. Good boys should go home; give up playing a role they aren't accustomed to he seems to say and Seokjin desperately wants to prove him wrong.

He takes another draw and gloats in the way the boy's brow arches in surprise.

-

"I didn't know you—" Taehyung gestures at the mouthfuls of smoke that dissipates into air.

"You don't know a lot about me." It's not his fault. No one does after all and he offers his signature smile in apology — the one self-coached in front of mirrors, the one he lowers his head for because after years of training his eyes are still too honest. Fingers tap and ashes fall and he wonders what is happening inside.

The young boy seems to follow his train of thought, glancing back at the gathering, illuminated by chandlers as the orchestra tries to reinstall order. "We should do it again," he comments, boyish smile a dead give away of his age despite the moon's glow in attempt to add an air of maturity. "Did you see their faces?"

A chuckle skips from Seokjin's lips. "Imagine the headlines tomorrow: the heir of Kim industries and the illegitimate son of—"

Taehyung cuts him off with "I wonder how much my parents would pay to shut it down. Keep lips sealed." And Seokjin wonders how livid his brother is and if this would sour the partnership between Kim industries and his brother's company.

"I wonder if anyone had captured our kiss," the boy continues to muse, eyes dance with excitement. "I could show it to ward off potential arranged dates — if you don't mind that is." He quickly amends and Seokjin shakes his head.

He's gotten what he's wanted after all.

-

"You're hopeless," the other interjects after Seokjin fumbles with the lighter and has failed for the past five minutes. His fingers are growing numb from the cold and the other's cheeks are tinged red from the wind.

That much he knows but Yoongi is only referring to one thing so Seokjin forfeits the little box upon the other's offer to help: "here." They settle back to silence as they so often do, just basking in each other's company and second hand smoke.

"Why?" Yoongi breaks the silence first because the role set up for Seokjin never included back alleys and missing classes. He looks like the type likely to run for student council president and play the piano.

Seokjin only smiles as he breathes in fire and exhales smoke.

His entire life has been a series of acts starting the day fingers swiped across his cheek and the screams of "why were you born? to remind me that I'm not good enough—" continued to echo through the halls, harmonizing with his mother's broken sobs because she never asked for a life of torment. She may be dressed as a doll but is it worth a life of pointing fingers, snide comments, and being unable to shield your only child from scathing remarks?

So you smile and lay low and insist you couldn't want it any other way: no matter what they say, you'll be thankful to have been born.

If Seokjin is an actor with a role, then the only time he feels alive is when the match strikes. One stick of wood — a choice entirely his own — not swayed or dictated by a life other's have planned for him. He's a bird in a cage bent on exploring his own freedom until the days his wings are clipped.

[dyoris]

the theory of waiting

[dyoris]

title: everything's okay now pairing: unrequited!taejin, hinted vhope word count: 1037 summary: people change and drift apart; seokjin begins to accept that. A/N: heavily inspired by this wonderful fic that had me clutching my chest at 3 AM last night. and because seokjin feels have been strong i churned this out in class today. the title comes from this lovely video.

seokjin has always been the maknae: in his household and in his friend group. so he's left to grasp at straws when hyosang leaves. of course, he's supportive of his friend's choice but there's, undeniably, a teaspoon of bitterness left on your tongue. 

he learns, pieces together fragments from his experience, and shapes his image of a hyung. it's hard and he starts to respect his brother even more. then again, seokjin is sure he's never been so rowdy.

the only time he can relax, be himself again, is when he's watching anime. small happiness found in the midst of a busy schedule, wedged in with another individual curled by his side. animated comments and conversations exchanged; seokjin's heart is at ease again.

he doesn't mind it either when jungkook joins.

iii.

taehyung is shy, perhaps by nature, but his personality breaks the ice. he fits in better with the rest, better than seokjin ever will.

the elder smiles fondly, pleased to see the boy create a role for himself - becoming essential (or perhaps vital) to the group. he's gotten closer to almost everyone. seokjin shouldn't feel as pleased as he does.

iv.

he's residing in a corner with yoongi resting by his side, both exhausted. the rapper even more so, once again running short on sleep. seokjin observes the youngsters kicking up a ruckus and how hoseok manages to keep up (then again he's not much older than the three that make up the maknae line).

suddenly, he feels very very old. he can't keep up - unless it involves mario and a game controller that his fingers dances across - he's falling behind.

v.

seokjin falls behind. not only in dance (he's given up on the idea of catching up and learns to be content with pouring his heart into trying and perseverance) but vocally and, to some extent, socially. he's nothing more than their resident mother and flower boy. but even that has crumbled.

he's just a nag, asking his bandmates to do this and that in hopes of maintaining a liveable environment. seokjin doesn't blame anyone because he's not fun to be around.

vi.

arms wrapped around bodies, flustered faces tinged red, blinding grins. seokjin doesn't blame anyone. after all, he's not the definition of fun, and if he was someone else... probably wouldn't even want to hang out with himself either.

( the larger issue here, that you refuse to acknowledge, is the way your innards twist upon the sight.

                             that smile is no longer for you behold. perhaps it never was.

                                                                       you shouldn't be feeling this way. )

vii.

seokjin catches taehyung and jungkook huddled in front of the screen with an anime pulled up. its not something he's seen before. lips pull down into a semblance of a frown before he remembers his hands are in oven mittens and the pot is still steaming.

he slowly sets it down at the table and announces meal time to the rest of the house. eyes dart back to the two individuals too engrossed to be budged.

the fleeting thought of why wasn't i invited forgotten in the excitement of his bandmates liking the meal he has prepared. once again, yoongi was the first to try for constructive criticism. more often than not it was jungkook due to sheer proximity and as a reward for helping out.

( "when jin hyung cooks he never gives any to me" or alternatively "he never gives it to me first"

                                                                it is in no way a petty action. )

that night he falls asleep to the pondering of why it had bothered him so much.

( it's not a you and him thing, you remind yourself. it never was. )

vii.

( it's never about winning or losing. neither were you replaced. you just was never there to begin with.

slowly draw in upon yourself and smile as beautifully as they contracted you to be. hey, you aspired to be an actor - this is the least you can do.

                                                                  you just pray no one notices. )

ix.

just because everyone is abnormally loud doesn't mean that seokjin is silent. but the perks of becoming the shadow means picking upon little things and learning more about himself.

despite being charged with the task of taking care of others, he fails exceptionally. there's only so much one can do through embraces and seokjin falls short. he's forever protected by others - and for that he's grateful.

( there's a twinge of incompetence when you watch him wrap himself around hoseok, even offers a tissue. you could have done this much at least... no ? )

seokjin ends up a spectator: watching, arms crossed and lips twisted in amusement as he tries to mend his role.

x.

they are at it again and seokjin's smile falters upon scanning the room. a heart beat later, he has it plastered on his face once more before refocusing on the music or the screen of his phone or his kkt messages or some random game or anything.

"hyung..." it's jungkook. it's laced with hesitance and a plethora of questions, including: what's wrong and are you okay?

( you can't help but wonder if your acting skills have regressed )

then again there's a reason why he's your ( new ) favorite dongsaeng.

eyes flicker to your bandmates and then back to your kind dongsaeng's worried face. lips twist and curl into a more natural smile ( to reassure him or yourself you still can't tell ).

                                      "everything's okay now."

                                  ( at least you pretend it to be )

i.

"jin hyung and me" or alternatively jin hyung likes me

it's a statement. it's out of the blue. seokjin remains impassive to the best of his ability and fails as he begins to chuckle.

taehyung's not wrong.

.

.

.

end notes: the ninth part i debated putting in for a long time but then decided against removing it. its not that jin can't comfort others (he does and does it well). but he's not... touchy feely (usually keeps his hands to himself) about it. he offers tissues and then checks up on them (and then there's jungkook). for more information watch this. and i think i linked all the inspirational sources *crosses fingers*

[dyoris]

Word Count: 227 Paring: Jin/J-Hope Summary: Seokjin is all awkward angles and Hoseok learns to cope with it.

Undoubtably, dance itself is the cruellest of them all. Natural talent is easy to identify even amongst individuals who have trained for their entire lives (always something missing, straining, not effortless like their peers). Seokjin could have the moves engrained into his system with hours upon hours of practice. He does but it's not enough. 

This can't be the only option. It's just the easy way out. Seokjin might be all sharp angles but circles aren't the epitome of perfection. Hoseok doesn't adjust, doesn't ask Seokjin to adapt, but rather finds a balance between all these elements. Make the weakness the strongest point. It's not hard and the hyung is always willing to go along (as if he knows what sort of burden he is but Hoseok knows so fiercely otherwise. Yes, a few sighs here and there but nothing to give up on - not yet). 

And so Hoseok creates something that embraces the sharp angles and awkwardness because it is the least he can do for someone who embraces everyone else for who they are.

A/N: inspired by this video starting at 2:07. one day i will get characterization right. still part of overwhelming seokjin feels.