almost, is never enough
જ⁀➴ plot: you’re oikawas twin sister and manager of the volleyball club. you and iwaizumi dated for five years and everyone thought you’d eventually get married considering how healthy your relationship seemed. during senior year, things got rocky when college decisions came out. uncertainty and lack of communication ultimately led to a break up. your last year of college you receive an invitation to a high school reunion, afraid to meet iwaizumi again you replay memories in your head, feelings come rushing back, but the two of you live different lives now.
⏔⏔⏔ ꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱ ⏔⏔⏔
pairings: hajimeiwaizumixreader, iwaizumi ex boyfriend, kurootetsurouxreader, college!kuroo x reader
word count: 3222
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hajime iwaizumi was a strong pillar who couldn’t be moved, he was a tough kid, the fastest on the playground. when a transfer student stood in front of his class, thirteen year old hajime iwaizumi shifted.
you bothered him constantly, launching erasers at his head, and poking his shoulder constantly (which he hated, but, he didn’t mind).
he replayed that memory in his mind almost every day, until years later, to which he smiled fondly while his hand stayed intertwined with yours. his brown eyes always seemed to light up whenever you showed your face.
“hajime are you listening?” you asked, peeking up at him, before he briefly let go of your hand. your warmth left him, leaving him feeling empty only for a split second before he reached for it again.
“i wasn’t im sorry, please explain again,” he apologized, hajime iwaizumi was a strong pillar, a man who couldn’t be moved, but when he saw your smile, he crumbled to pieces.
“well, i was thinking, since kawa still doesn’t have a girlfriend i thought i’d try setting him up with my friend.” you recapped, nodding your head in satisfaction of the idea.
“since when did you care what your brother goes through?” he laughed, eyes squeezing into crescent moons, “maybe its for the best he’s single, the idiot never knows what to do.”
“not nice!” you interjected, ripping your hand away, “i mean it’s true! but eventually i’d like a sister-in-law!”
your eyes shimmered at the thought your hopeless brother could ever stay with a woman for that long. after his last girlfriend you didn’t think he’d ever want to be serious with a girl again. the clouds in the sky opened up, letting the sun peak through. a gust of wind brushed against your cheek, the polaroid keychain on your purse clinking against the metal hook holding it.
“so, i know you don’t want to talk about it but can we?” iwaizumi spoke carefully like he was scared he might scare you off.
“hajime-“
“i know i know but i really want to, please?” he pleaded, his hands shook slightly, a nervous habit of his.
“i really want to go to tokyo university, i have a full ride there- and- and don’t get me wrong okay? i’m so happy for you that you got into UCI and that’s great but we both want to go to different schools,” you felt his hand pull away, finding a home in his coat pockets, “hajime please don’t do that-“
“i thought we were pretty serious about going there together? we both got in, i’ll support you if you want to go to tokyo uni- but i want to still be with you if anything happens.”
his statement caught you off guard.
“what do you mean you still want to be with me? are you implying we’re going to break up or something?” you tried to be rational, you did, and maybe a part of you agreed with him. but, you could feel your heart sinking, the cars zipping by making your anxiety worse, and by the look on his face, you knew the answer without him saying anything.
“y/n-“ he started, getting interrupted by the school bells.
shit you’re late.
“i’m sorry, i can’t be late, can we talk about this after school? please?” you pleaded, “i don’t want this to end, i know we can still work it out.”
iwaizumi let out a defeated sigh.
why? why would he think this way? you could tell he was already giving up, was the thought of long distance that daunting?
but the conversation never came.
“i mean sure! he’s in california and i’m- well here, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t work!” you explained, tying up the volleyball net.
you were at a volleyball practice match, and as manager of the team your frustrating boyfriend was on, it meant you’d HAVE to be there and see him. you tried talking to him but he would actively avoid talking to you or talking about college, when you’d text him, he wouldn’t even text back.
“i mean it’s childish, right?” you asked, huffing a strand of hair out of your face.
“y/n i could literally care less,” kageyama stated, tossing a volleyball to you.
“i hate talking to you,” you quipped, catching the ball and tossing it into the bin.
“you know i’m joking,” he started, eyes scanning the floor as if the floor would have the answers, “i think if you guys are meant to be it’ll work out.”
your face scrunched up in disappointment, “i appreciate it, but, it’s really the worst when people say that.”
“i agree, when people tell me i should do a different sport from volleyball-”
“different kind of thing kags,” you laughed, before looking up at the stands in the gymnasium, “really can’t believe this is my last year.”
“me neither, see you later” he gave a small smile before running off to find his teammates. aoba johsai wasn’t that big of a school, it wasn’t small, just big enough for you to be able to miss at least one person you don’t like.
“well, well, well!” a loud voice yelled, and yet the person who annoyed you the most just walked in, somehow managing to prove you wrong each time, “greet me!”
you turned in annoyance, “what now kawa, your match doesn’t start for another hour, your knees messed up anyway, you’re still gonna play?”
he nodded and shot you a big grin, “indeed i am, i’m just so brave,” he flailed his arms around dramatically before his face became stone cold.
“by the way, heard you and iwa are going through it, don’t screw it up twinnie,” you almost laughed, while oikawa only stared back at you.
you hated when he called you twinnie, a silly nickname that was created when you were kids, toothless grins running around a playground.
“i’m serious, you might be my sister but you took the risk dating my best friend,” he tilted his chin up proudly, you knew he was joking but it still ticked you off, and the current situation wasn’t helping.
“so he can talk to you but he can’t talk to me?” you asked angrily, shoving the bin carrying the volleyballs to the side before walking to the benches by the court, picking up your clipboard.
“y/n- oh come on! i mean- you know him,” he protested, “just give him time to cool off, he’ll come back when he’s ready.”
you whipped your head back, “it’s been a week kawa, how much more time does he need? we should be talking these things out but it feels like he’s already over it, that’s not my fault, it’s his.”
“y/n i know, but try to understa-”
“no because you know what? im genuinely done trying to understand, he wanted to talk about it, and yet he still had the audacity to say ‘oh well if we break up we can figure it out’ like hello?!” you threw your hand up before looking down at the clipboard and checking a couple boxes off on it.
“okay, valid, but he didn’t say that, did he? he meant that in the event that it could happen, he’d want to work it out and stay together,” you couldn’t help but plainly stare back at your brother. he pouted before shooting you a glare, “fine don’t listen to me, not like i was born first or anything.”
“yeah and mom definitely dropped you because i don’t understand how you can’t see why this is more upsetting for me, i got into my dream school kawa, you of all people know this,” he nodded at you, “he got into his dream school and i supported that! i was fine with long distance, sure theres a time difference but we had a plan and everything,” you sighed, your hand reaching to tug at your hair out of frustration.
“but you also got into his dream school, i’m sure he saw an opportunity to still stay together and go to the same school,” you knew he was just trying to reason with you, but everything was beginning to pile up.
“hey shittykawa, you can’t just not help us unload stuff from-” iwaizumi halted as soon as he got into the gymnasium as a migraine began to make its way into your brain.
“oh great, iwa-chan! wanna help me out here and explain to my dear dear sister as to why-”
“i’d rather not,” iwaizumi spoke quickly, his eyes bore into yours, not a shred of happiness behind them.
“oh so you can talk to toru but not me?” you didn’t even mean to ask it, it slipped out of your mouth before you could even think of a kinder way to say it.
looking at iwaizumi you wouldn’t have even guessed that the two of you were dating, just judging from the way you were looking at each other. by now students had already started to crowd the stands, leaning against the railing, a few aoba johsai players, and the karasuno team that waited on their side of the court.
“yeah and you know what? it was actually nice,” you could tell he was angry, but you couldn’t even begin to understand why he’d be angry.
“why’s that? i’m the one dating you, you brought it up, and then you talked about how if anything happened you’d want to stay together, i mean who says that?” you felt your throat burn, wanting to cry but holding it together for the sake of everyone else here.
“i understand you had concerns, but, breaking up never even crossed my mind, i thought we’d be able to work past that, i understand long distance is daunting, but- i love you and i want this to work, but i just need you to talk to me, communicate with me, don’t ignore me,” your voice didn’t go higher than a mere whisper as you pleaded. your boyfriend didn’t crack a smile or attempt to reach for your hand, he didn’t comfort you. he was never like this unless you two had a very gnarly argument and that didn’t happen often, however, the topic of college was very sensitive for the two of you.
“this is exactly why i talk to your brother,” he started, cheeks dusted with red, a unique trait he had, reserved only for when he was truly pissed off.
your eyebrow twitched, after all that, your entire speech and more he still won’t clarify anything? the gym lights were becoming nauseating, your head was pounding. students chattered amongst themselves while the opposing team spoke a bit too loudly.
the home team walked into the gym, throwing their bags onto the floor before stretching their arms out.
“why did you give up?” you asked, vision becoming fuzzy as your migraine worsened, your stomach felt like it was sinking.
a spiral began to grow in your stomach, gutting you of everything you ever wanted, your heart was betraying you. you continued to tell yourself to stay strong, be prepared for his answer, be open mind-
“when you applied to tokyo university.”
your eyes slammed shut, the room began to feel eerily quiet. you felt like a fish that had just been caught and lured in, gutted and cleaned up to be eaten.
“and why is it so bad to talk to me? i understand needing to vent to someone else, but we were supposed to talk, its been a week-”
“oikawas not selfish.”
your eyes weren’t the only ones that widened, people nearby, just passing through, and your brother all stared in shock.
“iwaizumi, that’s enough-” oikawa started, looking between the two of you.
“we had a plan, we were supposed to stay together, but you- you are so selfish,” he gritted out those words like they were hurting him instead of you.
you felt like barbed wire was being wrapped around your throat.
“can we talk about this outside?” you asked meekly, fingernails digging into the wooden clipboard.
“you wanted to talk so bad, y/n, so we’re talking,” he spoke harshly.
“iwaizumi don’t make a scene.” your brother stated, wanting to move this elsewhere.
you barely heard him.
the world was ringing around you, a flatline droning on and on in your mind while you tried to process everything that was happening.
“so is that it? you’re just giving up?” you asked, hugging the clipboard to your chest, you saw his face falter. you mentally begged him to not be the stone cold pillar, begged him to be the man you’d come to love, to be the man he was just for you.
he shrugged his shoulders, “seems like we never had a chance anyway.”
your mouth opened a bit, words wanting to spill out– tears, wanting to spill out.
hold it together. hold it together.
but your lips quivered, “do you love me?” it came out more as a plea than a question. he shrugged again, turning his face away from you, you missed the look of regret and hurt that flashed through his eyes, “that’s probably debatable now.”
“screw you, hajime,” you sucked in a breath before shoving the clipboard down onto the bench and shoving past him.
toru oikawa was speechless for the first time in his life, “so that couldn’t have happened outside?” he attempted to raise his best friends spirits but as a brother he was angry. “really?” he shoved iwaizumis shoulder, the boy could only look down at his feet, afraid that if he looked up at oikawa he might cry in front of everyone, “you love her and yet your plan was to hurt her so badly she’d stop loving you? are you an idiot?”
iwaizumi let out a bitter chuckle before shrugging his shoulders, “it worked didn’t it?”
“no of course it didn’t,” oikawa huffed, “guess who’s gonna have to console her later? at this point, i hope she finds someone else, and when she does, i’ll be the first person to rub it in your selfish face.”
iwaizumi looked oikawa in the eye, a stupid grin plastering onto his face, “you really are shitty.”
storming out of the gym felt like the ground was quicksand and each step you took further away was sinking you. still, you didn’t let any tears fall, afraid if anyone saw you in this state you’d break down and you wouldn’t be able to pick yourself up.
“y/n? where the hell are you going?”
you glanced back at kyotani who stood at the entrance of the gymnasium with a look only he could describe as concern, but to you it looked more like you pissed him off somehow. deep down you know he’s actually pretty nice- sometimes.
you took a deep breath before forcing a smile, “i quit,” shrugging your shoulders you began to walk away but were stopped when footsteps rushed towards you, grabbing your arm.
“why?” he asked, a confused look on his face, “if you quit, we don’t have a manager anymore, isn’t iwaizumi going to be mad?”
your heart ached as you ripped your arm away, tears beginning to brim at the edge of your eyelids. you walked away without saying anything, deciding he didn’t really need to know anything, and you didn’t want to talk to anyone anymore.
you felt bad. you weren’t close with the entire team, but there were a few like kyotani, watari, and kindaichi who were able to break through the ‘professional’ personality you had with the others.
“kyotani! get your ass in here!” iwaizumi barked from inside the gym, clearly in a bad mood, but the boy could only stand there silently watching your figure disappear in the distance.
“coming,” he mumbled, shaking off the feeling of unease.
the match was a mess, iwaizumi would spike the ball 10x harder than usual, giving off a more intense presence than kyotani. despite oikawas efforts, he couldn’t seem to get him to cool off. karasuno was ahead by two points, only adding fuel to iwaizumis growing fire. the boy usually didn’t have much of a temper, but when he did get mad he rode it out, it would take a few days before he even began to calm down. once the practice match finished, oikawa reached for iwaizumis collar, dragging him outside.
“what the hell is your problem?” iwaizumi groaned, fixing his jersey.
“no, whats YOUR problem? you need to calm down, or at least talk it out, whatever will get you out of this funk.”
iwaizumi sighed, sitting on the ground next to the building while oikawa towered over him.
“i can’t do long distance and i should’ve told her that, i want to make it work and i should’ve told her that, i felt lost and i do love her and-”
“you should’ve told her that?” oikawa interrupted, feeling pressure building up in his forehead, “you’re seriously giving me a headache.”
iwaizumi could only shrug, wiping his chin with his jersey, “i did what i did because, i was too afraid, and maybe if she hated me it would feel easier but, it doesn’t and i fucked up, don’t even know where to go from here.”
“well, i’d say try to get her back but considering you basically broke up with her in front of everyone, said some fucked up things, AND didn’t even tell her you loved her, even i wouldn’t get back with you iwa,” oikawa admitted, running a hand through his hair before resting it on his nape, “was that the first time she said she loved you?”
“no,” iwaizumi answered shaking his head, “i uh- we haven’t really- well, i haven’t really said it back.” oikawa gave him a funny look to which iwaizumi immediately protested, “i told her when she first said it that i wasn’t ready to say it back- we were kids! but, from then on she just, i guess, never expected me to say it back.”
“yeah this is your first relationship and it shows,” kawa judged, wiping his eyes as if it’d get rid of the anger bubbling up, “shit, i didn’t realize your relationship was struggling this bad, as your friend i want to say you should try again, but as her brother, don’t. leave her alone.”
the boy nodded, regret beginning to consume him, “don’t see how she’d forgive me anyhow.”
iwaizumis phone buzzed, his heart raced as a notification with your name popped up, “she texted me!” he yelled, shooting up off the ground.
oikawas eyes widened before he reached for iwaizumis phone, “don’t look at it! wait- or do! but i wanna see!”
“you’re so annoying,” iwaizummi laughed, clicking on the notification which immediately wiped the grin off his face, “shit.”
“oh yeah, you really fucked up now,” of course oikawa had to put his own input out there, hand on his chin as he read the small paragraph you’d sent.
my y/n
hey. not sure but if it wasn’t clear earlier i’m pretty sure we just broke up. ummm i don’t want anything back, i don’t want anything to remember you by, i’ll have toru return your stuff. im deleting your number and unfollowing you on everything. i quit being a manager so dw about that. bye seen just now
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a/n: been wanting to post haikyuu stuff but i haven't been able to write AND publish something i'd want someone else to see lol... i've been thinking about swerving more towards haikyuu stuff since i'm a bit more knowledgeable in that field. this is just the first part but i hope ygs like it.... uploading the next chapter soon! hehe