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𝑺𝑳𝑬𝑬𝑷 𝑫𝑶𝑬𝑺 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑬 𝑬𝑨𝑺𝒀, not that it ever had, not really. there had always been an ache in her chest that kept her awake. a deep purple bruise, one she would press to ensure she was still real and could still feel when Jakku hollowed her to nothing. 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐈𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐃, 𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐘. 𝐃𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐒. To feel him fade from her arms had rent her open so fully, the tips of her fingers often skate ‘cross her ribs to assure herself that she was still whole. She dreams, on the nights she DOES sleep, that it pools into the threadbare mattress, soaking it until it flows down the sides of the bed. It spills across the floor and creeps up the walls until the room is so RED she is transported back in time. To a room where he stands before her, with his hand outstretched. 𝑺𝑯𝑬 𝑾𝑰𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑺 𝑵𝑶𝑾 𝑺𝑯𝑬 𝑯𝑨𝑫 𝑻𝑨𝑲𝑬𝑵 𝑰𝑻. . .
It should have soothed her to know he was only barred from her, not gone forever. Rey could often feel his presence nearby as she went about her day. A calming pulse in the force like a heart beating in time with hers. He would appear when he was able, too. And so great was their bond that he could even hold her. BUT IT WAS FALSE. He was far from her in a way he’d never been before. Farther than her erstwhile parents, farther than constellations and void space. His touch and his voice were a lifetime away. She would find that way through the veil though if she had to tear it with her bare hands. in the meantime, she bleeds.
She is curled on a bed in the Lars home when he comes to her. Nicer than anything she’d ever had on Jakku to be sure, but still weathered with age. Rey has tossed and turned for hours now until the glow of him appears over her shoulder. She relaxes only a fraction, feeling that bittersweet unspeakable emotion rise within to grip her heart in a tight fist.
❝ –––– – 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐄𝐱𝐨𝐠𝐨𝐥. . . 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐬. 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐉𝐞𝐝𝐢 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐬. ❞ she says without looking at him, her voice heavy with exhaustion as fingertips trace across her thin blankets. the number of DEAD ENDS she'd hit were discouraging. but she could not give up. she wouldn’t. Rey is silent for a moment before her next words come out in a whisper she herself barely hears ❝ 𝑰 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖. . . ❞
