#kyle lippert

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On your first day at a new church find the oldest and godliest old woman and outpray the shit out of her to establish dominance.

Kyle Lippert

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via http://www.witstream.com/contributor/Kyle_Lippert

[bestintwitter]

@Kyle_Lippert: Wearing sweatpants in public is a fashionable way to tell everyone that you take antidepressants but that your prescription ran out.

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Behind the Tweet: @Kyle_Lippert

Have a gluten allergy? Talk to your doctor and see if shutting the fuck up about it is right for you.

— Kyle Lippert (@Kyle_Lippert) February 7, 2013

This tweet has become one of my most popular tweets. I wrote this as I was going to meet up for food and drinks with a few friends and was thinking about what I'm going to be able to eat while I was there. I'm gluten intolerant. So I always have to ask servers what gluten free options they have because if I eat gluten, my stomach feels like an alien is clawing out of it and I usually end up spending 3 weeks straight on a toilet. It must be annoying for the employees and for the people that I'm with. But imagine how annoying it is for me that I have to mention my gluten intolerance every time I go to eat. I'm a skinny guy but I eat like 10 times a day. Imagine how tiring that must be for me. Anyways, I just threw this tweet out there because I too am tired of hearing about gluten and had no idea it would be so popular. Apparently gluten intolerance and gastrointestinal distress is funny to people. Lesson learned. Anyways, in case you're wondering what I had to eat that night, I chewed on a pool stick for about a half hour, called it a night and then went home and sobbed into my pillow until the sun came up.