#l!fe

[cripple-cryptid]

I hate that I am losing the ability to walk or even stand, but my doctor isn't doing anything about it. Like sure, my knee really hurts, but so does everything else from the hips down???

She doesn't think I need crutches, which I have been using for a couple years now. She thinks I am fully capable of walking all the time unassisted.

I just want my legs to work!!!

[youngkauai]

Breath escapes my lungs and paints the space in front of me

Pace slow, water plays at my feet

It’s harsh outside, a hardheaded environment

Lines play in my head

A laugh that was too hard

A line that was too cheesy

Embraces never coming second, their nature foreign still

Goodbyes only worse, lopsided, never even-keeled

Impressions too much for I, it is never solely me

A soul that’s always single, and only wants to be

‘Acceptance’

-J.K.

[2018]

[cripple-cryptid]

By the way, we were 7 hours into the game before we realized Kevin isn't named Kevin. It's Kelvin.

We still call him Kevin. He acts like a Kevin, what with running into walls, or sleeping on top of the tarp, or throwing the logs he gathers into my face.

Also the face he makes when he reads out the commands you give him.

I love Kevin.

[cripple-cryptid]

Well, I think I had enough of Amy (my current primary care provider) and I finally scheduled an appointment with someone new next week.

- Amy is a family friend

- Amy is a NP not a MD

- Amy is not versed in many of my health issues, and in fact has been taken off of managing some things because of her lack of knowledge causing me issues

- I had to fight for so fucking long just to get medication let alone actual management of issues

So on Tuesday I'm going to see a new doctor, and in early September I see a pain management specialist. Maybe going to these people will be better than having to fight with Amy all the time.

[cripple-cryptid]

So today was the appointment with the new clinic to see if I want to change to a different practice. Amy was very cooperative yesterday, but I still feel like I have this weird flip flop with her.

Anyways.

The new person was very kind. She asked relevant questions, listened to what I had to say, and was open to taking on my case despite its complexity, and didn't have an opinion on my being trans.

Then we talked about my most recent lab results, because she asked when the last time Amy did a CBC on me. I have the lab results on my phone, so I showed her all 4 lab tests she did.

Amy has been ignoring my continued decline due to hypothyroidism. My labs have shown that I never had a "cure" to my disorder. Amy has just been pretending that my results are fine, because she is afraid of poisoning me again.

I have gained a hundred pounds because of my unchecked thyroid disorder.

I'm too exhausted to be angry right now.

[cripple-cryptid]

I'm tired of being tired.

[cripple-cryptid]

Uh. So I probably am a system?

I've had other people in my head for a long, long time. But I never knew there was a word for it until a couple years ago, and even then I wasn't aware that I was a system.

[cripple-cryptid]

Saw Amy again today.

Guess who's diabetic?

It's me.