⋆. 𐙚˚ after you lose caleb in the explosion, gideon takes good care of you
after the explosion in which you lost josephine and caleb, gideon was there for you. no one knew caleb like you did – but he came close. gideon was calebs best friend, and his heart was shattered the same way yours was.
gideon was there the day of the funeral. he let you cry on his shoulder. he held you as tight as he could when you broke. and he let himself break with you, too. you clung to each other in those times of grief. you supported each other. and after all those months … the lines between the two of you started to blur. at first, it was a goodbye kiss – one he seemed to give you almost instinctively. he leaned down to you, pecked your lips and said: „see you tomorrow.“ completely stunned, you stared at his back as he was leaving, burying both of his hands in his pockets, while you touched your burning lips.
he had kissed you.
he really had kissed you.
it kept going like that. after a while you both found into a routine. you spend all your time together, but it was no longer filled only with grief. something else was blooming between the two of you, slowly sprouting and growing stronger each day. there were more kisses after that first one. more and more and more … until you spend your first night together. gideon conquered your body, and while your soul was still broken, you could still succumb to the pleasure he gifted you. you gave him the same back, moving under him, clawing to his back as he hissed and the veins on his neck started to show.
„come for me“, his hoarse voice was in your ear, while he moved inside you. tears streamed down your face when your climax washed over you. „good girl. such a good fucking girl“, he whispered and kissed your tears away.
it was afterwards, when you stood to open up a window, that you saw a shadowy figure outside. a shadow which was more familiar than your own.
„baby?“, gideons voice sounded behind you. you looked over your shoulder, your smile a little shaken.
when you turned to look out the window again, the shadow was gone.
Gideon fighting for your affection despite knowing how Caleb feels about you. Gideon playing dumb when you’re around, ignoring the way Caleb glares daggers into his soul as he jokes around and not so subtly flirts with you.
It’s driving Caleb insane, and yet he’s still too scared to say anything, to intervene. I mean c’mon, boys flirted with you all the time in school and you never pursued any of them. So why would you start now? Gideon doesn’t stand a…
“Caleb! I’m going on a date! You’re never going to guess with who!” Oh. Oh no.
I simply cannot gather my thoughts to get this idea across in a poetic, fanfic fashion so I think I have no choice but to spit this idea out before it gets lost in my brain soup. Maybe if people are interested, I’ll actually develop the idea! 😭
pairing: mentions of gideon x caleb
wc: 339
cw: 18+ MDNI, angst, hurt no comfort, gideon yeaning and hurting,
a/n: cleaning out my drafts with some gideon angst
Did it matter? Was any of it even real?
It certainly didn't feel real. Sitting at some cafe in Skyhaven, across from Caleb — who's pressed next to you, baseball cap pulled low. Who, by all legal means, should be dead.
But he is here, that boyish grin that haunted him for the last year (from even before the funeral) permanently etched onto his face.
Gideon had seen people be left behind in the wake of the setting sun; lunches and gifts sent back, touched by sunlight but never actually kissed by its glow.
He didn't think he could also be burned, be left in the cold of an ever growing shadow.
But it's so easy to see it now, the way Caleb bends towards you. His arm casually draped around you, fingertips ghosting over the curve of your shoulder. Eyes crinkling over something you're joking about.
Caleb might be the sun, but you were the universe. An entire cosmic galaxy that Caleb shone brightly for.
Gideon wanted to laugh, to scream. To reach out and settle his palm on the surface of the sun to cradle its warmth. He knew he'd recoil, the tender skin turned red and tight, blistered — but real.
"Gideon—", his voice still sends a warmth blooming in his chest. "You still here?" Caleb taps his shoe against Gideon's and it unfurls something slick and hot in his stomach.
"Yeah," he swallows. "Sorry, just saw something outside."
Caleb eyes narrow slightly, before lifting at the corners again. "Well, Pip wants you to come to dinner tomorrow. You in?" You're smiling at him too, kind and bright.
He could accept this, hovering somewhere in orbit around you two. If it meant he could still feel the edge of warmth, see the pinprick of sunlight on the horizon.
This could be enough.
Even though the memory of warm fingertips pressed into his hips is burned into his brain, the shape of a lazy grin lingering as teeth graze the column of his throat.
⋆⁺₊⋆ caleb didn’t show up for you … but gideon did
you met caleb and gideon at the aerospace academy. studying late nights together, laughing until your bellies hurt, going to parties and dancing until your legs almost gave out. it didn’t take long for you to fall for caleb. where gideon was fire, caleb was warmth. his smile lit up your whole world, the academy was incredibly tough, but spending time with him made everything better. he was there for you when your parents made it clear, time and time again, that you were the biggest disappointment to them.
„don’t listen to them“, he said, ruffling your hair.
tears welled up in your eyes. „but they’re right. I am a disappointment.“
„stop it with this bullshit.“ he sounded angry, brows furrowed.
from then on out, he always was there for you when you had trouble with your parents. he listened to you and never gave you the impression you were annoying or nagging him. caleb became a constant in your life. except on those days where he wasn’t. it was visiting day, and caleb promised to be a shield between your mom and dad. but he didn’t show up – and you had to face them alone.
it was the first time you realized you weren’t to him what he was to you. gideon found you in your dorm, taking a close look at you. you were sure he saw your red rimmed eyes and the blotchy patches on your cheek – a present both from your parents words and caleb’s sudden absence.
„nuh uh. no crying because of him“, he said while he leaned against your doorframe.
„you have no idea why I’m crying.“
he raised a brow. „yes, I do. I know that look. I’ve seen it before, on other girls who were reckless enough to fall for someone whose heart is already full of someone else.“
„you don’t know a thing that’s going on inside me“, you snapped. „so don’t act like it.“
he sauntered into your room. „don’t be like that, bub.“ he sat down next to you. „you know he has someone in linkon.“
„he told me they grew up together. not that she’s his love or that they’re together. he said he has no girlfriend“, you shot back.
gideon stretched out his legs and crossed them, leaning back on his arms. „they’re more than that. but I don’t think they both realize. or they do, but it’s still unspoken.“
it felt as if there were shards of glass in your throat. „he told me I’m important to him.“
„you are. to both of us. but that fact alone doesn’t change his feelings for her. at least I don’t think it does. so there’s no reason to look this broken, noodle.“
„stop giving me stupid nicknames, you dork.“ you shoved against his shoulder. he shoved right back.
„I have more where noodle and bub came from. wanna hear them?“
„not interested.“
„how about snickerdoodle?“
„not a chance in hell you’ll be calling me that.“
„what about muffin then?“
„has someone told you lately that you’re a big fat idiot, gideon?“
his deep laugh filled the room. suddenly, the weight on your shoulders felt a little lighter. you looked at him. his ruffled dark hair, the glimmer in his eyes that were so familiar to you. if only you could feel for him what you felt for caleb.
„thanks for being there for me, gideon“, you whispered.
⋆. 𐙚˚ you’re keeping your distance from gideon … but he’s not having it
after the anniversary of calebs death, you kept your distance from gideon. the image of those petals on the bed were too present in your mind. there was no logical explanation for this. suddenly, a „what if“ awoke in your mind. what if … no, you couldn’t even finish the thought. instead, you fully focused on your work. you investigated wanderers, fought fight after fight until every bone in your body ached. and for the first time since the explosion, you accepted the invitation of your colleagues from the association and went to a bar with them. taras smile shone in the flickering lights, nero had surprisingly good dance moves, and simone urged you to take shots with her. tara pulled you on the dance floor and you let loose. you twirled around, again and again, and then … there it was again.
the shadowy figure.
right there, across the bar.
you stopped in your tracks, in the middle of the dance floor.
someone walked in front of the dark figure and when that person crossed … the shadowy figure was gone.
„no!“, you exclaimed. you stalked across the bar, right to the spot where that person just had stood. then you took a right, in direction of the emergency exit. you were almost at the door when someone grabbed your arm. you inhaled sharply, as you lifted your gaze and saw directly into … gideons dark eyes.
„what the hell are you doing?“ his deep voice was laced with something you were too familiar with: unimaginable pain.
„I’m spending time with my friends.“
he furrowed his brows. „I mean what are you doing with me? you’re ignoring me.“
you took a shaky breath. „we can’t keep doing this, gideon. it’s not fair.“
„to whom?“ he took a step towards you. then another, while you walked back and your back hit the wall. he propped his arm next to your face. „is this about caleb?“
hearing his name still hurt. especially now, that your guilty conscience was eating away at your insides. but gideon deserved the truth, so you whispered: „yes.“
he scoffed. „I know you miss him. I do, too. but us keeping the distance won’t bring him back, okay? so don’t shut me out.“
you shook your head. „what about the petals?“
he blinked. „the what?“
„the petals on your bed. after our last night together.“ you immediately left after you saw them, so scared all of a sudden that fight or flight kicked in.
„I have no idea what you’re talking about.“
your pulse quickened. „there were petals on your bed and all over the floor. the same petals of the bouquet we left at calebs grave.“
gideons brows furrowed even further. he took a deep breath. then he came closer. „baby, we’re both going through a horrible time, yeah? I know that. and sometimes … I still see things. I see caleb playing basketball on the field when I’m playing with our friends. I can sometimes feel his presence when I’m working. but my mind keeps playing tricks on me. and I think grief is making you see things too.“
you inhaled deeply, pondering on his words. maybe … you were imagining things. because you missed caleb so desperately that your mind was making things up that awoke hope in you that the explosion only was a nightmare.
„I don’t know what’s happening to me, gideon“, you whispered and leaned forward, until your forehead was leaning against his chest. his arms closed around you, embracing you in his warmth.
„nothing’s wrong with you, baby. that’s just part of grief. spending time with you helped me. I found solace in you. metaphorically and physically, if you catch my drift.“
that made you snort. you hit his shoulder half heartedly. „you‘re stupid.“
he grinned. „I’m just being honest. also, I miss you in my bed.“ he pushed a strand of hair out of your face.
„I miss you too“, you admitted. he got closer, pinning you against the wall, and something flipped in your stomach.
„I missed you. you missed me.“ his mouth wandered over your jaw, down to your neck. he pressed his lips right where your pulse thrummed. „does this mean you’ll come back to my place tonight?“
you shook your head.
„no? that’s okay.“ he backed away slowly, but you grabbed him and tugged him into the nearest restroom. after you closed the door behind the two of you, you stared at him, suddenly almost shy.
„if you want me, you’ll have to beg me, baby“, he murmured, leaning against the doorframe. „I won’t start anything until you do that.“
heat flushed your cheeks. „I want you.“
„you left me alone. and now you want me back?“
„I do.“
you reached for him, but he shook his head, smirking. „say it again.“
„I want you, gideon.“ he closed his eyes when you said his name. „please. please let me forget.“
„not this time.“ he made a step towards you, grabbing a fistful of your hair, pulling ever so slightly, until you looked up to him. the insides of your mouth felt dry, when he came so close to you you could feel his breath. „I won’t make you forget. you’ll remember every fucking second of me making you scream.“ that was the last thing he said, before he crushed his mouth to yours.
the two of you were colliding. suddenly your back was pressed against the little cabin door, as gideon was pulling your underwear down, while you were freeing his hard length from his pants, stroking him. he got on his knees after a short moment, pushing your skirt up, pressing his mouth down on your clit, sucking hard.
„fuck“, you exclaimed, as he was licking you like a man starved. it didn’t take long for you to pant, the passion rising higher and higher, but then … he stopped. just for him to turn you around and entering you in one swift motion. you let out a loud gasp, feeling all of him inside you.
„I need you to realize“, he said, accentuating every single word with a hard thrust, „that this is inevitable.“ he grabbed your hair again, pulling your head back so you had to look into his dark eyes. his other hand came around your body to find your aching soft spot once more. you moaned, as he fucked you faster. every single inch of your body belonged to him in that moment.
„do you understand, baby?“, he murmured into your ear. „do you feel this?“
„yes!“, you exclaimed. „yes, fuck, gideon. deeper. please deeper.“
he fulfilled your wish, going so deep it was on the brink of pain. and he was right. this felt inevitable. like both of you belonged right here, together. the climax washed over you so fiercely it almost brought you to your knees. gideon was the one holding you upright, pumping slowly inside you, savoring every second of this, while you closed your eyes and only felt bliss.
⋆⁺₊⋆ caleb is your friend … but gideon is more than that.
you studied in silence together. caleb twirled a pen between his fingers and made your spare ones hover just above the table. something in your stomach jumped up and down at the sight.
„caleb?“, you murmured.
he looked at you, his chin still resting on his hand. „yeah?“
you needed a second to collect your thoughts. „about the kiss …“
he just waved it off. „forget about it. we both know it was a mistake. so let’s not dwell on it for too long, yeah?“
it had been clear when he picked up the call right after his mouth was on yours, but this right now? it was a different kind of clarity.
„I’m sorry“, you said. „I didn‘t want anything to ruin our friendship.“
the pencils fell down on the table. he gave you a worried look. „stop it immediately. nothing is ruined. I’m your friend and it’ll stay that way.“
„wonderful“, a voice sounded behind you. your stomach flipped, when you realized gideon had come into the study room you had booked in the library. he leaned over your chair from behind. you had to tilt your head back to look up at him. „now that we've finally cleared that up, can we study for this exam?“
„what do you think we’re doing here exactly?“, caleb asked. with his evol, he made one of the pencils shoot up at his best friend, who just barely got his face out of the way before getting stabbed with it.
„fuck you, caleb.“
„love you too, buddy.“
gideon sat down next to you and you all did what you came here for – you studied for the exams. gideons knee jumped up and down, a tic he always had. but today you were more aware of him. there was a different energy about him. or you just … remembered. the way he had looked you up and down. his words, that echoed through your head the whole night, even though caleb was the one you had kissed.
I wouldn’t let you down. neither when your parents are being a burden, nor when you give me the honor of kissing me.
he had meant it. you knew he did. because since that night, he was an unwavering presence in your daily life. he was there when you needed him, and didn’t even talk about that night again. that’s why your eyes were practically glued to him.
but you needed to focus. you had to concentrate on the task ahead. but when caleb stood and stretched and went out for a quick bathroom break, you couldn’t even act as if you read the material on the table. you kept glancing at gideon. at the sharp line of his jaw, his broad shoulders, the way his long fingers were twirling the pen way too skillfully …
„if you keep on looking at me like that, I’ll get the wrong idea, muffin“, he broke the silence.
you stiffened. „I didn’t …“ you couldn’t even finish the sentence. lying to him was unfair after every single time he was there for you. so you decided to be brave once more. „did you mean it?“
he looked at you, head angled slightly. „you have to be a little more specific, noodle.“
you sighed at the stupid nickname. „did you mean what you said that night?“
he leaned over, his leg pressed against yours. heat rushed to your cheeks and you were sure he could see it.
„you mean“, he whispered, „when I told you it would be an honor to kiss you?“
„yes“, you breathed.
gideon raised a hand. your heart skipped a beat when he softly grazed your jaw. his thumb slowly ran over the sensitive skin of your jaw, up to your cheek.
„what do you think?“ his gaze was fixated on your lips for a second, then moved to your eyes again. „do you believe I meant it? does it feel like I meant it?“
you couldn’t speak. you could just nod, once. a small smile spread across his lips.
„good“, he said. „because I did.“
one arm draped over the backrest of your chair, the other still on your cheek, he turned your head in a better angle, and then, after giving you the chance to stop this, to leave if you wanted to … he pressed his lips onto yours. your eyes fluttered shut, and you could only feel him. the warmth of his body; the softness of his lips.
gideon kissed you as if he had all the time and patience in the world. as if this was just one of many kisses he intended to get from you. as if he had wished for this for a long time, and that wish finally came true. his hand on your cheek trembled ever so slightly, and a shiver ran down your spine when his tongue darted out to find yours waiting.
you didn’t know how long the kiss was – you just knew it was over far too quickly. when he leaned back, your body followed his on its own accord, eyes still closed.
this.
this was how it’s supposed to feel like.
this was what you waited for all your life.
an earth shattering, life altering kiss, that made everything that came before seem colorless.
„I think“, you whispered and opened your eyes to look into his. „I’m ready for you to show me what it’s supposed to feel like.“
his smile was bright and full of happiness and hope. „you won’t regret it, noodle.“
you scrunched your nose. „could you just maybe give me a better nickname?“
„I’ll make sure to think of something worthy“, he said, still grinning like an idiot. he raised a hand, tucking one strand of hair behind your ear. „maybe princess?“
„that’s an upgrade to noodle, definitely.“
„how about baby?“
you smiled. then you leaned forward, kissing him again. it felt right. as if it had always been him, you were just too foolish to realize.
„I guess it’s baby then“, gideon murmured between two kisses.
the door to the study room flung open.
„what the fuck did I miss?“, calebs voice rang out.
„nothing important“, gideon replied, while you buried your face in the crook of his neck.
nothing important. except finding him, in this moment, even though he had been there the whole time.
„I‘m gonna be good to you“, he whispered into your ear later that night, when you laid on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. „and I’m gonna treat you better than anyone ever has.“
you raised yourself on your elbows to look into his face. you wanted him to see the honesty in your eyes. „you already have, gideon. I don’t need you to be different than you have before. I just want you like you always have been.“
when he kissed you this time, it was slow and full of longing. and you were happy that no one was there to interrupt the both of you for a long time.
pairing: gideon x non-mc!reader (x caleb)
synopsis: it didn’t take long for you to fall for caleb – but someone else already holds his heart. tired of seeing you heartbroken, gideon decides to remind you what it feels like to be chosen for once.
content: angst, fluff, unrequited love, talks of difficult parent-child relationship, getting rejected, self-doubt, comfort
