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//2017 reflections//

THE HIGHLIGHTS

Touring the world with Tyler was one of the best parts of my year. I got to be with my best friend, I got to be surrounded by music and people who loved it. I got to see new places every day and truly feel the success of Blurryface.

Getting Jim was also a highlight, it was more than just getting a puppy for me. It was the first big step I made in tackling my mental health for good. Admitting to myself that my anxiety was far worse than most knew, and getting an emotional support animal to help with it, was a big positive for me.

The developments I made with my SJC partnership was also one of the best highlights of the year. Getting a drum partnership really made me feel as though I’m a good drummer, and that people like what I do.

THE LOWLIGHTS

Losing a baby, fiance and kid all in the same year took its toll on me. For a long time I felt like it was the end of the world, and sometimes I still feel that way. I still don’t know if God just decided to let me know a relationship with Kells wasn’t meant to be in the most brutal way possible, or if there was more to it, but it still tore me up.

It was also tough dealing with the annual anniversary of ****** death last year. Tougher than usual and I don’t know why. It’s scary to think that it was less than 10 years ago, but also scary to realize it’s also been more than 5 since he died in my arms. I try not to think about the two that died because of me but that’s inevitable.

Having constant anxiety attacks before and after every show, throwing up in every break where a video played during our set and crying because of how anxious and scared I was at every fucking show sucked too. But that’s okay, I’m gonna tackle this anxiety.

THE CHANGES

I want to go back to the gym more. 2016 I worked out almost every day, regardless of whether we were on tour. This past year I counted touring as working out and didn’t do anything when I was at home.

I’d like to take better care of my hair because shaving it off due to damage sucked. I just need to stick with one routine.

I also want to stop using the ‘I was busy sorry’ excuse whenever I haven’t responded to or seen someone in a while-regardless of whether I was busy or avoiding people because of anixety. I’m gonna talk to people more and make the effort to visit my friends and family.

THE GOALS

I’d really like to rebuild my friendship with Kells. I think we have the potential to be such close, supportive homies if we can move past the relationship and break up. I’d love the chance to see Casie again too, but I’m not getting my hopes up. Being able to talk to Kells casually would be enough.

I’d also like to release a really dope album with Tyler that lives up to Blurryface. After realising it, I wanna play shows and this time I want to not have anxiety attacks every three seconds. It’s normal to be scared and anxious with big crowds and all the attention on stage, but i don’t want it to be as bad as last year.

I think I’d like to keep my apartment in LA but move back to Colombus. There’s not a tonne of reason for me to stay in LA-maybe to record if we end up recording here-but in terms of permanent living I think I’d like to be closer to my family and friends.

#l.task!

Candice Winter Wonderland Ball headcanons

Most of her night was spent with Chris. The two took advantage of their time together as its always fairly split up between work schedules and living on different sides of the continent. They were seated with Candice’s cousin Niykee and her fiancé and Esmeray.

Candice’s dress was designed for her, as she had gotten the opportunity to be one of the company’s stars this month. She worked with the designer to create an Elsa-esque type of dress, mostly because she loves the Frozen queen’s aesthetic and many tell her that she looks like the character, Chris included.

Since the two girls (Cathy and Candice) were separated and weren’t able to fall into cahoots and terrorize their dates together, Candice had taken it upon herself to terrorize her gal pal from a distance. Shooting her texts teasing her about her date with Colby and also including a string of smirky emojis. All while also trying to get her to get up and dance with him.

During the more formal parts of the dinner, Candice pulled out her phone playing pocket camp under the table, declaring she couldn’t let her camp down the same way she’d let her animal crossing town suffer. Every now and then she’d nudge Chris showing him one of the newer animals she’d invited to her camp, or showing him a new addition.

She also managed to snag a few dances with her boyfriend, despite being a little bit tipsy towards the end of the night. Candice particularly enjoyed the slower songs, laying her head on his chest and feeling his warmth as they swayed gently to the beat.

#l.task!

secret santa ↠ bebe rexha !!

colorpop super shock eyeshadows that will compliment your eyes and skin tone, a two piece outfit from fashion nova because everybody needs a good two piece ‘fit! a personal favorite of my own that any lady can kick all kinds of ass in, the stuart weitzman suede knee highs… but with a sexier heel because i for one would bust my ass in these bad boys! but i know you’ll absolutely kill it in them! and lastly a ‘hope key’ necklace from the giving keys. they’re made to inspire and give hope, and on top of that every product purchased supports job creation for individuals transitioning out of homelessness. part of their program involves paying it forward, my best friend bought me one and i’m passing the dream onto you! ’paying it forward is the ripple effect that will change the world.’

#l.task!

>> Fergal’s secret santa gifts for Madelaine Petsch

two different vegan cookie mixes, packaged all together in festive mason jars - one almond cookie, the other a dark chocolate and rosemary cookie, with instructions attached to each. a large oversized throw that is double lined, and two pairs of cable knit crew socks to keep toes warm.

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secret santa to joe keery;

josh got joe a th30 from orange, joshs’ personal favorite versatile amp combo, and a polaroid camera to take memories with.

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❄️Winter Wonderland Ball❄️

#l.task!#aesthetic.

⤷ secret santa gifts for josh dun.

niykee bought josh a lil peep beanie, a lil peep crybaby t-shirt, a black fleece lined waterproof jacket, a baby pink paranoid graphic sweatshirt, toys for his pet birds, and an in n out giftcard.

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winter wonderland ball headcanons -

* cathy spent most of the dinner bugging as well as being pestered by colby - most likely to the dismay of their tablemates - while also making fun of him the hundred times he felt the need to try and adjust the tie he’d worn in an attempt to make it more comfortable for himself. she was super thankful they were seated together, it made the night a lot more comical for the most part. and she may or may not have had to slap his hand away from her food a few times because he was trying to steal things off her plate and well, as you can picture cathy is that scene from friends ‘joey doesn’t share food’.

* she and candice weren’t attached at the hip like they normally are when they’re together, so they could be seen making sad ‘i miss you!!’ faces across the room to one another’s table. they could also be seen making funny faces to help pass time while they waited for their food because they’re overgrown children. the duo also spent most of the dinner texting back and forth about how they were sad they were so far away from each other, even though it wasn’t really that much. but it was all in good fun, because they’re both a little too extra sometimes... so naturally they milked it as much as possible.

* cathy isn’t much of a dancer so she didn’t do a lot of it at the ball, but that was okay because colby isn’t one for dancing either. so instead they just kind of hung out talking to one another and a few of their friends who came and went most of the nice. at one point candice tried to throw food at the two of them because cathy and colby were just sitting there instead of dancing or anything, even though they were more than okay with it. because in true candice fashion she was determined to get a laugh out of her best friends - and probably colby’s if it worked - expense, knowing damn well cathy has two left feet and can’t dance to save her life. lucky for all three of them cathy reminded her best friend if she ruined her dress with food she’d be the one paying the dry cleaning bill in the morning which was met with a sarcastically over dramatic sigh and “you’re no fun!”

* in a true ‘i’m best friends with my mom’ fashion, cathy spent a good portion of the evening texting back and forth with good ole liz. telling her about how great everybody looked and gloating about how candice looked like a real life queen elsa the whole time, though her mother as sly as ever was quick to ask about how her date was doing followed by a slew of happy and winking emojis. he probably has no idea but cathy was sneaky enough to snag a picture to show her mom, that was soon met with “i’m not surprised it’s all black. but the boy cleans up well 😉” which is something even candice will most likely keep poking fun at cathy for well after the ball, because if there’s one thing cathy knows it’s that her mother and candice are always in cahoots together.

* even though cathy had an absolute ball (aha puns) the whole time, her biggest regret was not bringing the ever so trusty pair of converse to swap out for the heels as the night came to a close. a fact that any other time would’ve often resulted in her giving tom, or even candice at her whopping 5’20 stance, the puppy dog eyes until someone piggy backed her to whatever transportation they had. she probably could’ve gotten away with asking colby at the ball, but it wasn’t worth the risk in a dress with such a high cut in the skirt so instead she was found bounding for a car with heels in hand while whining about the ground being cold on her bare feet.

#l.task!