Touring the world with Tyler was one of the best parts of my year. I got to be with my best friend, I got to be surrounded by music and people who loved it. I got to see new places every day and truly feel the success of Blurryface.
Getting Jim was also a highlight, it was more than just getting a puppy for me. It was the first big step I made in tackling my mental health for good. Admitting to myself that my anxiety was far worse than most knew, and getting an emotional support animal to help with it, was a big positive for me.
The developments I made with my SJC partnership was also one of the best highlights of the year. Getting a drum partnership really made me feel as though I’m a good drummer, and that people like what I do.
Losing a baby, fiance and kid all in the same year took its toll on me. For a long time I felt like it was the end of the world, and sometimes I still feel that way. I still don’t know if God just decided to let me know a relationship with Kells wasn’t meant to be in the most brutal way possible, or if there was more to it, but it still tore me up.
It was also tough dealing with the annual anniversary of ****** death last year. Tougher than usual and I don’t know why. It’s scary to think that it was less than 10 years ago, but also scary to realize it’s also been more than 5 since he died in my arms. I try not to think about the two that died because of me but that’s inevitable.
Having constant anxiety attacks before and after every show, throwing up in every break where a video played during our set and crying because of how anxious and scared I was at every fucking show sucked too. But that’s okay, I’m gonna tackle this anxiety.
I want to go back to the gym more. 2016 I worked out almost every day, regardless of whether we were on tour. This past year I counted touring as working out and didn’t do anything when I was at home.
I’d like to take better care of my hair because shaving it off due to damage sucked. I just need to stick with one routine.
I also want to stop using the ‘I was busy sorry’ excuse whenever I haven’t responded to or seen someone in a while-regardless of whether I was busy or avoiding people because of anixety. I’m gonna talk to people more and make the effort to visit my friends and family.
I’d really like to rebuild my friendship with Kells. I think we have the potential to be such close, supportive homies if we can move past the relationship and break up. I’d love the chance to see Casie again too, but I’m not getting my hopes up. Being able to talk to Kells casually would be enough.
I’d also like to release a really dope album with Tyler that lives up to Blurryface. After realising it, I wanna play shows and this time I want to not have anxiety attacks every three seconds. It’s normal to be scared and anxious with big crowds and all the attention on stage, but i don’t want it to be as bad as last year.
I think I’d like to keep my apartment in LA but move back to Colombus. There’s not a tonne of reason for me to stay in LA-maybe to record if we end up recording here-but in terms of permanent living I think I’d like to be closer to my family and friends.
2087
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romaincrisis
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