#lab assignment

[jos-study-corner]

I <3 my lab partners. They let me make the protocol. (I don’t trust myself to run labs when I don’t have to, especially because my tics were acting up that morning)

[slugaccidentallywrites]

Avoidance.

Action-by-inaction.

Unsent

I type the message. I reread it. Once. Twice. My eyes roam over the words again and again until they don’t even seem like words at all. I second-guess myself, finger hovering over the delete button for multiple seconds. I hold it down, slowly getting rid of everything. Nothing eases my mind. I still feel exposed. The conversation ends before it even begins. I close my laptop with a deep sigh and lie down in my bed. I dream of a reply to my very hesitation, mocking me. You’re so indecisive that it makes your sister look firm. The tone was taunting, comparing me to someone who can’t decide where to eat. Hours later I awake, unsure if the reply was real. The room continues as normal, but my chest still feels tight as I think about it. I glance over at my laptop sitting closed on my nightstand. My hand faintly brushes over the cold metal. I leave it there, telling myself that one day I’ll muster up the courage to hit send.

Steer Clear:

Reading instructions all the way through. Washing the dishes.

Starting my assignments. Checking grades.

Refilling prescriptions. Touching up my roots.

Changing my nose jewelry. Styling my hair differently.

Spending money. Clicking “confirm”.

Looking in the mirror. Weighing myself.

Making eye contact. Holding a conversation.

Setting boundaries. Saying no.

Sitting with silence. Letting it be awkward.

Impaired Initiation

Decision paralysis (or analysis paralysis) is the inability to make a choice due to overthinking, or feeling overwhelmed. There are common causes such as perfectionism or fear of negative outcomes. It’s also an often overlooked symptom of ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). People with ADHD experience decision paralysis due to issues with executive functioning. The ‘30% rule’ suggests that people with ADHD often have executive functioning delayed by about 30%. I have ADHD.

Delayed

Eventually. A word I use like a placeholder, something I can set down in a spot where a decision should be and come back to. Later. An excuse I tell my mom so she’ll get off my back about cleaning my room. Soon. Something that feels safer than now. Tomorrow. After this. Next week. In a few minutes. Someday. Sometime.

Not. Yet. I’m not ready.

Pending

People don’t take kindly when I don’t respond, they snap their fingers in my face as if I’m not paying attention. But the world taught me that if I say nothing, then the conversation never really ends. It taught me that some responses are riskier than others. So I hold my tongue. There’s no outcome, no judging your words. It remains open. Nothing is required of me yet.

Baby Blanket

The square pattern now gapes with holes big enough to fit my entire head. Stitched sections my grandma repaired hang on for dear life, thread worn with time. It sits only and always on my bed, sometimes I hold it for the sake of just touching it. An eighteen year old blanket that’s been hugged, squeezed, rubbed, drooled and puked on. My fear of being “uncool” constantly tells me to throw it away, but a little voice in my head that sounds a lot like this little girl that used to be me tells me no. That I should hang onto my childhood, even if it was kinda shitty. One day I’ll decide, but for now? I’ll avoid.

[zurumon]

Playing the http://armorgames.com/play/4309/this-is-the-only-level, I found it to be rather insightful in terms of game design as the entire concept of the game is that it is the same level being played over and over again with a single mechanic change after every completion. It being a simple platformer it is about timing planning ahead and condonation, but it could often throw a wrench in things by either messing with the controls or causing the ground to start to disappear after you step on it. This was also the game I played with my lab partner. I watched him play This is the only level, I played it as well. It was a lot more frustrating to play than to watch but both playing and watching I found myself enjoying the conversation about the gameplay more entertaining than the game itself.  When I was playing, I wasn't focused on note taking or the quiz but when watching I was able to think upon concepts a lot more freely. It also helped that while watching I didn't have to listen to the game soundtrack which I very much didn't like. With the other games I played Rescue the Beagles had the most in common mechanically of being a platformer but had vastly different mechanics, such as resource management. The closest this is the only level got was when you had only one jump to complete the level. Donut cop and Rescue the Beagles had far more in common mechanically as both had you collect items, avoid bad things, and progress left to right as a side scroller.

[relativelylessimportant]

Abstract: The exponential dependence of resistivity on temperature in germanium is found to be a great big lie. My careful theoretical modeling and painstaking experimentation reveal 1) that my equipment is crap, as are all the available texts on the subject and 2) that this whole exercise was a complete waste of my time.

[mucholderthen]

SCIENCE PROJECTS OF THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT FUTURE Astroengineering lab assignment: Make a simple wormhole.

First construct nodes for your wormhole. This may seem obvious, but it's often overlooked. Don't restrict yourself to Euclidean space.

Stand carefully to the side and a little bit back.Now open the wormhole and stand back. You have your safety goggles on, right? Use of a flame hood might help at this point. [See the picture.]

Step behind the open wormhole.  Not in front. Never stand in front of an open wormhole. Grab the wormhole and pull with moderate force, stretching it out.  Connect to each of the nodes in turn. Try not to break it.

EXTRA CREDIT: Open up more wormholes inside your wormhole. Be careful not to create any infinite loops. You may wish to review the material on Calabi–Yau manifolds at this time.

Images courtesy of Wormholes - Injection - Plasmonics on Google+