if I had a nickel for each time someone has had some variation of "dni if you're a man /srs" in their pinned follow me this week, I'd have three fucking nickels . sorry to be the bearer of bad news but
sorry that I've been like , half dead as of late. just have had a lot going on and I've been trying to tough it out but we are NOT toughing it out !!! I'll talk a lil bit more about it under the cut if you happen to want to hear my bullshit
im often reminded in my more recent times of grief of a line from the dark urge in baldurs gate (I know, so bg3 brained), "did I play this game before? was I sweet once?" which, is pretty much how I've felt the last few weeks (and, to be frank with you, the last several months.) a month ago, we had to put my sister's dog down (I grew up with him) and like I mentioned, my cat passed away on the 17th. last year ALSO in June, my dog died, so it's been pretty pet death heavy in the last year . obviously there are other things thatve been bothering me but this is the main thing . I sort of become an empty husk of myself when someone dies , like something pure has been stripped from me and replaced with something tainted and unclean. uh , all of that is to say I kinda feel like Ive been stripped of something important and I'm never gonna get that back and I just kinda have a hole sitting in my chest
obviously, I'll get over it eventually . with time this hole shall fill and I'll be made a new, but in the time waiting for that to happen, I feel , still, empty.
I've also been cursed with some of the worst anxiety and heart palpations I've EVER had in my life and it's been making me feel sick and I've been struggling to eat and sleep and all that jazz . hey but you know I'll be okay I just . need . uh . husband
husbands been helping me but uh. I hope that explains why I've been like kinda absent and not really like . acting like myself, what that will be going forward in the future . I dunno! we tough it out . okay bye bye now , new Ethel Cain song today so you'll probably get an analysis on why this relates to my selfship LAWL .
