I made some more fashion shows. One for this month on the 23rd, I have bridal fashion week in April, one on May 5th, and lastly in June for my birthday month on the 23rd in New York for Fashion Explosion. I’m excited for New York, again I never been its always been my dream. Been invited to do some photo shoots I really need to get the ball rolling on soon. Some fashion people been sending me clothes to take photos in. Everything I guess is coming along as long as my ass stay in the gym. I gotta stay focus with this shit if I really want to succeed and get sign by an agency. Modeling makes me feel free and beautiful like I can be anyone I want to be. Like in the pictures I can be seen as perfect but on the inside I feel so numb. I know it weird to express. Have you ever felt like with a smile you can hide all the thoughts in your head, that feeling of wanting to cry but you can’t and will not show it. Yeah, that’s me right now. I think that’s why a couple of days ago when I had a fit model casting at Torrid I was so non-nonchalant about being their for the fourth time trying out. The place screams plus size beauty and everyone around you is working so hard I had no choice but to ask them about their day and make them laugh. I have to go to Ashley Stewart store today to get fitted for a bra because I don’t know my actual bra size. I know, dumb right. last time I remember I was a 40 DD but they feel bigger for some reason. I’ll get it all figured out after work.
Bad News. Me and my boyfriend of three years broke up and moved out. And I’m so sad like crying everyday sad. I feel like a piece of has died and left. Like my happiness has faded away and is never coming back for awhile. I went into a major depression for a few days. I haven’t been eating nor really in the mood to do anything. How could someone who told me they “loved” me, wanted to spend the rest their life with me, and willing to want to have kids with me leave me? Everything we been through all of our good moments just wasted. Just time wasted. All the love yous, where they even real? A part of me is sad, apart of me misses him, yet apart of is forcing me towards reality your are single and have to move forward. Hitting the restart button on my personal life was surreal and wasn’t an option. Now its become a requirement. I’m starting to feel like the happily ever after is just a dream and girls like me weren’t born to deserve nice things as such. You can be great at work, have a career, great friends, but your personal love life forget about. Shit like that never come true. so stop worrying about it.