Empty Hearted
Lance introspection because of feels. A03 link.
Being away from his family and his home really hit Lance the hardest. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy being part of Team Voltron, he just felt a part of him was missing, leaving him feeling empty. It pains him just to even remember what life was back on Earth. The emptiness he felt was eating him alive and it was starting to affect not only his life but everyone else’s as well.
Everyone could tell that something was up with him but no one dared try to even figure it out, not wanting to upset him even further. Lance never felt the need to make it known but he never felt so lonely. He knew that this team was all he had right now. Sure, he understood that there shouldn’t be any feeling of loneliness, but his heart never felt so empty. He misses home, he misses his family. Something was obviously missing and he needed it fulfilled desperately. He misses the warmth of feeling loved and cherished. The worse part was that he knew exactly who could fulfill his heart.
Lance might seem like someone who wears their heart on their sleeve with his happy jokes, his casual flirting and his moments of anger during a heated debate but those are all just in the moment. His true heartfelt feelings are the ones he never ever expresses. His worries and feelings of inadequacy will never be said to anyone aloud. He knows the team has much more things to worry about than his stupid feelings.
The thing was how was he supposed to not want to cry and breakdown when this emptiness he felt in his heart felt a lot like longing. He longed for someone to look at him and just smile, to make him smile, to laugh at his jokes, to hold his hand, to hold him. And then there was Keith and everything he longed for to happen he wanted it to be with Keith.
The way Keith carried himself, his confidence, his nature, everything about him Lance couldn’t help but want it all. He longed for him to be his, to have him fill his emptiness in his heart. He just knew that they will never happen.
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Alone in a dark hallway, Lance sat by himself on the ledge of one the ship’s big windows, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He sighs as he just stares outside at space. He kinda understood what he felt now.
‘I’ve been lonely for so long, emptiness is starting to feel a lot like longing.’
The Blue Paladin lets the side of his head lean against the thick glass as he feigns a smile. “Huh. Guess that’s what this is” he mutters to himself. The glass felt rather cold against his skin and he shivers a bit at the chilliness. He pulls the blanket closer to his body and tries to trap the warmth but it didn’t help much. He still felt cold. He still felt empty. He definitely still felt lonely. Lance releases another sad sigh, curling his legs against his chest as he wraps his arms around them and lets his chin rest on his knees. He never felt so small.
Was this supposed to hurt so badly? Was this feeling of wanting to feel loved supposed to kill him slowly? He had no idea.
He knew the rest of the team were all fast asleep, all tired from a long day of training. He really should be resting but he couldn’t. Not when he felt like this. His heart longed to be filled but there was nothing and no one that could fill it. Not at the moment. As the thought ran through his head, sadness overwhelmed him and before he knew it tears were starting to stream down his face.
A creak of a door and suddenly the hallway was filled with light. Lance looks up, his tears glistening against his cheeks. He felt himself feign another smile before he just sighs. “Don’t worry. I’m fine.”