#lardoshitty

[asterlark]

lardo comes out as nonbinary after getting with shitty and is like "you know that this means you aren't straight right? lol" and shitty's just like 😳😳😳 hold up let me reevaluate all my relationships and experiences real quick

[bittybutt]

shitty: lardo look, it’s the good kush

lardo: this is murder stop ‘n’ shop how good can it be

[bittysvalentines]

Puzzle

For: @sabainism

From: @almayver

Hey, I’m really not sure what this is, but it kind of got a life of it´s own in the middle of writing it. Happy Valentines.

_________________

They were lying together on their broken sofa, not as perfectly horrible as the green haus sofa, but almost as familiar after a year of late nights and spilled beer and bits of pizza. And funnily enough, it was this familiarity that made Lardo feel so weird, that all of this simply fitted so well. She always felt like that about their relationship, that even through the complicated parts of it, they just fitted perfectly with each other, just like a puzzle.

It had been like that since the beginning, the first months of their friendship were incredibly simple and filled with this easy going banter. When they first met Lardo thought she was going to hate him, this boy, the picture of privilege, with simply ridiculous hair. It was the first time Jack took her to meet the team and, she won´t admit this to anyone, she was terrified, not entirely sure if she could do this job and slightly bothered about being the only woman, a woman with an important role, in this overly aggressive sport. However, she put her typical brave face, ready to put someone in their place if needed, but everyone was nice, or at least respectful, and... kind of guarded? Everyone seemed to get out of her way, most of the guys only introduced themselves and left. Except Shitty, he introduced himself, talked about how their team was doing that season and said something about the blatant toxic masculinity in hockey culture or something like that.

From that moment on their friendship just grew, tumbling between the dumbest jokes and the sincerest moments of love. It took her 2 years to realize that that love she felt for shitty was different from the love she felt for Jack or any of the boys, not on degree, but on kind. And then things started to get weirder, because she knew he felt just like her, but they both were just too stubborn, not ready to give up their easy friendship for a maybe hard relationship. They seemed to spin around each other, trying to avoid the inevitable feelings talk, seemingly crashing with each other all the time, because wheter they wanted it or not, they were still tied to each other, needed each other in an unique and indescribable way.

It happened a few weeks before Shitty left to Harvard, they both went to their favorite café, that was just plain disgusting, always smelling kind of rotten, they loved it. Like it was always with them, she was the one that took the first step, she just looked down and said, “You know what asshole, I like you, kind of too much and you couldn’t leave before I said that”. He lifted her face with his hand and said “You know, you are kind of an asshole too” and kissed her. After that they just kind of made an unspoken agreement to walk slightly closer, call each other more often and meet every other Sunday in that smelly café.

And now, sitting down with her hand around him, in a small broken down studio, that was full of their memories, and their quirks, posters of Jack (as a baby, Shitty refused to put up a professional one even though they bought three), photos of team, photos of bitty and pies, Lardo´s sculptures, Shitty´s law books and a ton of hockey merchandise, she finally understood why people liked making puzzles, because despite the long process and the trouble, the final picture was extremely beautiful and fulfilling.

[bittysvalentines]

How Shitty Met Lardo

To @jacqueslaurentzims

From @oddree13

How Shitty met the best manager a hockey team could ask for.

______________________

Shitty wasn’t exactly sure how he got signed up for and accepted to leading a freshman orientation group at the start of his sophomore year, but apparently Johnson had felt the need to, in his words, “start the flow of the narrative.” So this is how he found himself leading a group of freshman in a round of ice breakers, feeling like an ass.

He remembered hating these activities last year but it was on the program he had to follow, and he hadn't bothered coming up with any off his own to substitute, so he sat through “two truths and a lie” and a complicated body version of rock, paper, scissors. He got a little too excited through during the privilege lecture and activity, so by the end of the day he'd noticed a fair few eyes being rolled in his direction.

But after all was said and done, he waved his pack of frosh off and began to clean up his breakout space. Thinking no one would have left behind more than a few pieces of trash, he gave the room a cursory sweep and unexpectedly found a sketchbook.

He hadn't noticed anyone drawing during the day, but picked it up to see if anything was inside that would tell him who it belonged to.

Opening the front page, Shitty didn’t see a name, a number, or anything really that told him who it belonged to but saw that the top of the front page was dated. Seven months ago the owner of his book at marked the top corner.

Turning the page he saw some sketches and another date, two days after the first. Flipping over a few more he caught on that the book was in chronological order so flipped closer to the dates that read July and August.

Sure enough there were some doodles of Samwell and other abstractions. Surprisingly this person had been bored enough to draw their class schedule, giving the classes some rather interesting subtitles like - “Your friend the constitution” for Politics 101, and “The Oxford Comma Is Necessary” for freshman writing. Well at least Shitty had something to work off of.  

Hoping for more clues, he turned a few more pages and saw some doodles from what appeared to be freshman orientation. Giggling at the way they portrayed Rachel, who gave the internet privacy lecture, and nodding in agreement at the small comic they drew about the sexual harassment lecture, he thought this person was not only a good artist but had an eye for observational humor.

Turning to the next page however made him burst out laughing.

The next two pages were covered in what were caricatures and satirical drawings of Shitty. The person who owned this sketchbook clearly thought he was very bro-y and very full of himself. In pencil the person had mocked his stache, his name, and his general attitude.

Reading the notes around the drawings he was impressed with how insightful they were, and seeing the notation “white savior” a few times, made Shitty actually reflect on what he was saying during his breakouts.

Glancing once more at the schedule, he saw that one of his gen-eds was the same as the mystery artist, and would at least have a way to get it back to them, even if it meant waiting until Tuesday.

***

That night, back in his shared dorm with Jack, Shitty told him about his day, lamenting about how lame it was, but exalting the find that was the sketchbook. Jack for his part was more amused with Shitty’s ability to simultaneously laugh off and take to heart the criticism made about him.

***

Come Tuesday, Shitty sat towards the back of “Great Works of American Literature” and watched as people trailed in. It dawned on him that he probably couldn’t pick out anyone from his breakout group by sight, and was soon distracted by the syllabus being passed out. Looking it over, he stared at the required and optional readings for the semester, and as soon as the professor asked if there were any questions, Shitty’s hand was in the air.

Looking at the seating chart, the Professor saw the same and audibly sighed. “Mr. Knight your reputation precedes you,” he drawled, and looked expectantly at Shitty. Shitty just grinned and pointed out the excessive amount of white, male authors on the required reading sheet and how women authors, authors of colors, and non-heterosexual authors had been shoved off to the optional reading list. In the midst of his diatribe he heard a snort and turned to see the source - a girl sitting two rows in front of him with long, black hair, was chuckling to herself, and visibly doodling.

The realization that the laughing girl had been in his breakout group made him pause long enough that the professor dismissed class before he had to respond to Shitty’s critique, and the students were clearly pleased to get out of class early.

Gathering his things and rushing out of the classroom, Shitty ran down the hallway until he was outside of the English building and spotted the doodle girl.

 “Hey, hey you!” he called out, trying to get her attention and ignoring the other people who turned their heads to look at him.

 When the girl in question looked back, Shitty waved, getting an eye roll in return.

 “I have your sketchbook!” he yelled back, which caused the girl to stop and turn to face him. Waving the notebook in the air, he jogged a few steps to catch up with her.

 “Sorry about that, but you left this in the breakout room yesterday and it seemed a bit important. Saw that you drew your schedule in there and we had a class together so I felt a little less stalkerish,” he grinned, but was met with a neutral expression in return.

 “You looked through my sketchbook?” she asked, her tone both wary and incredulous.

 “Well yeah it seemed important so I wanted to return it. You’re really good, so I’m assuming you’re here for the art school,” he smiled, rocking on his heels.

 “Undecided major,” she answered curtly. “How much of my book did you see?”

 “Um, up until the schedule you drew,” Shitty supplied, and as soon as the look of relief crossed her face he amended his statement to add, “and the caricature of me as the white savior.”

 The girl before him went wide eyed but only look slightly ashamed.

 “It was really funny, and I read your commentary too, if that was alright. Had a really good discussion with my roommate about it for the past two nights and I get why you thought that, and I guess I come off that way. Not my intention, brah,” he pointed out. “Not that I need to justify myself to you, or anything. You’ve got your own valid life experience that led you to draw that,” he shrugged.

 “Are you stoned?” was all the girl could respond, a little unsettled by how well this guy was taking being mocked.

 “Right now? No. Later? Probably,” he laughed. “Well I should let you get on with your day. I’m glad I could get it back to its owner…?” he trailed off, waiting to see if she’d fill in her name.

 “Larissa. You’ll hear it in class eventually so there’s no point in hiding it,” she shrugged.

 “Swawesome. Very nice meeting you Larissa,” he saluted, and turned on his heel to walk towards the Haus.

 Shitty had taken only a few steps when he heard a voice from behind him call out, “Is your name really Shitty?”

 Turning to face Larissa, he nodded and explained it was a hockey nickname. “Headed over to our Haus now actually. You asking me about pot made me want to visit the reading room,” he grinned.

 “The reading room?” she asked, cocking her head.

 “Yeah it’s what the roof of our Haus is called and I’ve got a deal with the goalie that I’m allowed to go out there to smoke if I’ve ‘moved my narrative forward.’ Not sure what he means still but I’m basically allowed to go there when the mood takes me.”

 “Can I join?” she asked, surprising both her a Shitty with the request.

 “Sure thing. You can come, take in the view, and chirp me some more,” he smiled, leading her down the quad to frat row.

 “Chirp?”

 “Hockey term. Means to make trash talk off. Something that comes naturally to you it seems.”

 ***

The two of them smoke and chatted until the sun went down and when they climbed back inside, coming down from their high, Johnson greeted them with the news that their manager had just quit.

[hanoart]

Lardo- Covered by halieghnoart

Lardo took a step back from her latest painting, blinking to see it as a whole. She hummed, wondering if she was really done, was there anything missing? "Please dear God, Lards tell me you're done, I think my ass is cramping." Lardo looked beyond her work to where Shitty was doing a good impersonation of a human pretzel. She smiled warmly towards him, "Yeah Shits, I think I'm done." She walked over to help him up from the floor, "Seriously dude, thanks so much for being my muse this weekend. I know you don't really get a lot of breaks from law school, but this uh.. means a lot to me, or whatever." Shitty slipped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into him to help her hide her blush. "Of course dude, anything, anytime, whenever you need me."

[nochilldex]

My brother and I had to go out to rent some tools for the renovation we are working on, and he made us stop at a friends house to wish the friend a happy birthday and to get high with his friend. At first I was thinking like "fuck this, I have stuff to do,I don't wanna stop at your friends house", until my brother told me if we went there, I could see tbe friends pet bunny, and play with it. (Note: the bunny's name is Rex, it is adorable, and I love it dearly now) So, picture Shitty doing that to lardo all the time, just making her meet his weird friends, but bribing her to agree to it cause his friends have odd pets that Lardo can hang out with. Shit's being like, "yeah, Mike is a Poli Sci major, and he brings up his dad's job in conversation all the time, but he has a pet snake we can hang out with," And lardo just hating that she give in that easily, but loving that she gets to hang out with awesome animals and get high

[holtzyrans]

Anyways let's talk about that fact that Lardo and Shitty are #confirmed bangin

[littlestpersimmon]

These kids were commissioned by @icosahedonist for @lardoshittyjackbitty! Shitty and Lardo! I hope you guys like it, and thank you so much!