stressed out 24/7

check, please! blog, featuring my poor attempts at writing. very enthuseatic about the Frogs, Shitty, and Lardo. please send me asks about them. formerly shittyknight-defensesquad

[michkit]

rip 2009 Kent Parson you would have loved Good Luck Babe! by Chappell Roan (2024)

[bitseybloom]

[homobiwan]

Now that check please will likely have a resurgence in 2025 we need to talk about how fucked up it is that ngozi deleted the tweet about nursey and dex having one (1) night of passion and never discussing it ever again

[shitty-check-please-aus]

for Roast Adam Birkholtz Day:

he has paid for weed and gotten oregano at least once

he had a Vine account that had 5 followers, two of them were his parents, one was Bitty, and two were Ransom

the kind of person who’s lactose intolerant but orders milk-based dishes every chance he gets for some reason

has either had a crush on or made out with every single person he’s ever played hockey with

if he makes good money consulting he will have two dishwashers, never puts the dishes away just keeps rotating the dishes and alternating which one is running each night

he has never had to work a food service or retail job in his life and eventually it will show

he will absolutely be the kind of alum who comes back for games and gets way too drunk for a 50 year old in the bars and asks them to play music from when he was in college

[omgpoindexter]

nursey: i heard a rumour dex is a virgin

dex:

dex: well. you know that isn’t true

chowder: how does he know

nursey:

dex:

chowder: GUYS HOW DOES HE KNOW

[omgpoindexter]

nursey: i heard that you had your socks on though actually so it doesn’t count

dex: i didn’t have my fucking socks on

nursey: yes you did those blue stripy ones?

nursey:

nursey: so i hear anyway

chowder: guys. guys please

[baking-soda]

the hotel room in sports rpf functions as a liminal yet domestic space which allows for the realization and articulation of otherwise sublimated desire. in this essay i will 

[lovebitty]

I keep thinking about Kent’s hockey nickname having nothing to do with his real name and everyone calls him Barbie©

[lovebitty]

but I also can’t stop laughing bcuz Ken, Barbie’s long time boyfriend, real name is Ken Carson

[ronanlynchisneversleepingagain]

Kent, going to a Halloween party, dressed as Earring Magic Ken

[softygold]

so has this been done yet or???????

[nochilldex]

So tempted to do a full start to finish read through of OMG!CP. I don't think I've done a reread since just after the last part came out.

[ariesisms]

ok but...bitty and shitty 🥺 thats his frog! shitty saw bitty and was immediately like "i like this little guy so much" and bitty saw shitty and was like "somehow i feel safe with him" like?? i will cry. shitty was the first person bitty EVER came out to? they're besties 😢😭🤧

[ceeturnalia]

[wrathofthestag]

[symphony7inamajor]

the shock of discovering hockey rpf’s popularity transcends all platforms

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

Holster goes into Samwell thinking he’s gonna hate Jack because Jack’s soooo talented at hockey and soooo well connected and soooo rich but he actually hates Jack because Holster mentioned SNL and Jack was like “Oh. Is that … a class”

[petals42]

addition: Alicia Zimmermann has hosted SNL.

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

Jack: Ten years ago I convinced an acquaintance of mine that I had no idea what SNL was. Today I’m hosting.

Holster, from the audience: And you’re still an ASSHOLE

Jack: Sometimes I can still hear his voice.

[appalamutte]

things i honest to god believed were canon at one point:

kitt purrson

holster’s knee injury

tater being younger than jack

chowder being a legacy student at samwell

jeff “swoops” troy’s entire character

things i know aren’t canon but y’all make me second guess myself:

holster being jewish

kent being the one to find jack after he overdosed

jack and kent playing for rimouski in the qmjhl

jeff “swoops” troy’s entire character

[chaos-and-chill]

op. op i hate to break it to you but holster is canonically jewish.

[appalamutte]

whoever runs the check, please! wiki has set me up for failure

[kindofapieceofshit]

okay but an AU in which bitty is the one who almost went pro/was on an olympic track for figure skating, before anxiety and an overdose derailed him. and he ended up at samwell feeling like it was a punishment but meets au jack who is a little more lighthearted and just wanted to go to college before NHL (which his parents supported, even if bad bob didnt quite understand and made sure he understood it wasnt certain) but still works harder than god and can be a little bit of a hockey robot. even so, he jokes around more with shitty, lardo, rans and holtz, and is one of the funnier guys on the team. he still helps bitty with checking, but bitty doesnt hang out at the haus all the time because he doesnt feel like he belongs. he uses the student kitchens to bake until some teammate finds him asleep at a gross student kitchen table at like 3 am and convinces him to come hang at the haus. he doesnt really do kegsters because of the issues with substancies/alcohol and his anxiety, but jack starts enticing him into hanging out for a few of them. bitty has an ex who comes to visit and try and get him to come back to train again in atlanta, and jack overhears. jack knows about his crush and has accepted it, even though he thinks it's unrequited. bitty, on the other hand, is so focused on just getting through school and hockey and this whole stage of his life that he doesnt notice until jack graduates, right after buying him a whole oven. bitty almost lets him go, but at the last second misses his airport shuttle to run and find jack in faber one last time, about to leave with george and his parents. he kisses jack in the locker room, once twice three times. says "i'll text you." samwell starts to feel less like punishment and more like home and family. bitty realizes that he loves hockey more than he thought possible. he realizes he loves his teammates more than he thought possible. he gets elected captain. he realizes this is where he was meant to be all along. instead of jack kissing him at the stanley cup game, bitty kisses jack on center ice after they win the ncaa championship.

this started as such a small idea but i just have a lot of feelings about it now, feel free to write this if youre a writer lol

[luminarai]

holster years later at a smh reunion, talking to a happily married ollie&wicks: ok but was I wrong?? exactly.

[omgdexnursey]

if we’re back to bullying holster through jackholtz again today i think it’d be really funny if jack just legitimately forgot he and holtz were exes

[omgdexnursey]

(tags via @shitty-check-please-aus)

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

who runs the PTA and why is it Jack and Dex

[ivecarvedawoodenheart]

#not in a ship way just in a ‘you get the bittles to make pie and I’ll get the oluransis on rice crispies so ms duan set aside a class #period to make decorations with kids who want to help good great good make sure the birkholtzes stay away from the punch if you don’t want #it to spill everywhere and oh can you ask the knights if they’ll please stop listing this as a charity event on their taxes while I #double check that the chows and the nurses are still gonna help set up the DJ booth and run through the playlist with them again just #in case’ way