When you invest so much time and emotion on someone and then they turn around, lead you on and break the most important promise they made it's hard not to feel hurt. I've managed to stave it off for 2 week and i know it's pretty much the stress and lack of social interaction that's causing this spiral at the moment.
I'm glad i'm taking the next 6 months off just to get away from uni and work and distract myself. I know it's not a good idea in the long run but i need to reorder my life. I changed so fucking much and it's only now i'm realising how much of an idiot i was being. I pushed people away who were there for me more than he ever was, disregarded my family and have pretty much fucked myself over uni wise. I know it's my fault in the end and i shouldn't have been so stupid and fucking juvenile to think that i'd actually found someone who mattered. I guess i like throwing myself into things headfirst without thinking about the future
Everyone's out for themselves, i'm tired of being the fixer-upper, the person everyone comes to with their problems and then when i need help everyone else is so wrapped up in their own shit or just tells me its not as bad as i think it iss. My parents aren't even an option, if they knew half the shit i've done i'd be disowned and i really couldn't handle that right now.
The cracks are getting bigger.