prompt: mel realizing she also might be on the spectrum
This I had been wanting to do for a while. And Frank is there, an accidental vehicle for realisation.
He's very divorced and Robby continues to be a dick.
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‘Mel. Can I ask you a question?’ Mel raised her eyebrows at Frank. He rolled his eyes with good cheer. ‘Can I asking you another question on top of these two?’ She laughed at little as he scooted in next to her. Spinning a couple of times in his chair. He could be so sweet and earnest. A flash of what he was like as a kid. With overly large blue eyes that no doubt charmed everyone in his sphere.
‘Depends, will I regret it?’ Frank pressed a hand to his in mock offence. Letting out a little noise of protest.
He turned to Princess, still faux outraged. ‘Can you believe this? Besmirching my reputation Princess!’ The nurse snorted at him, earning a louder utterance of outrage.
‘If anything Mel here bolsters your reputation.’ Mel tried not to giggle as he stuck his tongue out at the nurse. Who walked off blowing a kiss.
Her words were laced with laughter. ‘What did you want to ask me?’ Princess had walked off, simply to make a point. Mel immediately caught how she was staying within earshot. Like Frank would ask her anything outrageous at work.
Frank’s joking ebbed away, face growing serious. He unlocked his phone and stared at the screen. Tanner and Penny’s grinning faces beaming up at him. ‘It’s a personal question.’ Mel placed her tablet down on the desk. She turned to face him, crossing her legs nodding encouraging. ‘By all means tell me to fuck off if I’m out of bounds.’
Well that was somewhat ominous.
‘How old was Becca when she got her diagnosis of autism?’
‘We were... 10, nearly 11.’ Frank hm’d a little, brow furrowing a little bit.
He chewed on his lip for a second. ‘Tanner has gotten the expected ADHD diagnosis.’ Frank clicked his tongue and pointed at himself. ‘Good ould genetics.’ Not unexpected. Frank had asked if he could speak to one of the doctors at Briarwood for paediatric referral. Tanner was almost 7. Well within the average for boys.
‘That’s great. The sooner the better. It really does wonders.’ Frank seemed a little perturbed. ‘He’s okay right?’ He was a little lost in thought, still staring at his phone. Mel knew that he’d never be sad at such a diagnosis. But there was something weird going on.
Frank was quick to reassure her. ‘No, he’s as happy as can be. Apparently it means he’s meant to be a doctor.’ Mel laughed a little. Tanner was firmly in his “My Dad is My Hero” phase. It was extremely cute. So a shared diagnosis was just another thing for him to connect with. ‘It’s just that... I know it’s really common for siblings with lower support needs to get missed...’
Mel stiffened slightly in her chair. Frank ruffling his hair sensing the shift. ‘Sorry I don’t mean to-’
‘No it’s fine.’ It was a discussion they had had a few times. Over the past few months they had been discussing neurodiversity with the intent of coming up with a proposed treatment strategy for The Pitt. A lot of medics struggled with adapting to the different needs of patients who were not typical.
The deepening conversations with him had Mel asking herself questions. Questions she’d never let herself ask before.
‘You’re thinking of getting Penny checked out as well?’ Frank smiled at the mention of his daughter. His little duplicate. Mel craned her neck as he started flicking through his myriad of photos. Doe blue eyes with a cheeky smile. Sweet girl.
Frank nodded slowly. ‘I know that siblings tend to have late diagnosis because...’
‘Their needs are normal in comparison.’ That hit hard. Frank smiled as sweetly as he could.
Frank sighed. ‘I’ve been wondering if her anxiety with school is actually something else... She’s not herself lately.’
Penny had only started school recently. Frank had proudly showed off her first day photos a couple of months ago. And he had been discussing that she seemed to having some trouble adjusting to the change in her schedule. Panicky and hiding. Not like her usual ever bubbly self.
All very familiar to her.
‘If you think there’s something going on... there’s no harm in getting it checked out. Abby’s okay with it?’ Frank nodded, looking a little lighter. ‘There are more resources now than when we were kids.’
Mel chewed over that. She knew she was neurodivergent. There were way too many signs that she couldn’t ignore. Too many social cues she didn’t get. Too many sensitivities. But she’d grown up as the easier one. Food issues aside. Mel could manage herself. Not melt down when overstimulated and focused on studying over socialising.
Frank’s brows knitted together. Worry weaving into him. He tried to say something but words were failing them both.
Dr Al called Frank over for a check in. He patted her arm a little awkwardly as he left her be.
She’d long accepted her divergence but never included herself in the autistic framework. Because... Becca was autistic. Mel didn’t need the same supports or had the same level of sensory issues. So Mel couldn’t be autistic. Right?
‘You okay kid?’ Mel started a little at Dana. The nurse who was staring at her over her glasses in concern. ‘You’ve been staring into space for like 10 minutes.’ Her eyebrows arched in motherly concern.
Mel shook her head, blinking rapidly. Trying to shake off her thought spiral. ‘I’m fine. I’m just going to take a break, if anyone’s looking for me.’
So she sat on the floor of the break room. Struggling to identify what was happening in her head.
The list of symptoms she’d studied since she was a kid rattling off in her head.
1. Social difficulties
2. Sensory sensitives
3. Executive function
4. Obsessive interest
5. Masking
6. Sleep issues
7. Eye contact
8. Emotional regulation
9. Stimming
10. Anxiety and depression.
It was like there was a loud wailing siren going off in her head. She should have known. Of all people. But she was the other child. Not enough time or energy.
Hadn’t she always been compensating for her own needs? Quick to explain how her frustration built over and overtook her as emotional outbursts. Humming and finding the quietest place imaginable? Waves crashing in her ears. Making peace with the world being too much all the time. Time and time again trying to make friends and very few connections lasting very long. The loneliness...
‘Mel?’ Frank closed the door gently behind him. Dimming the lights. ‘You okay? I’m sorry-’
‘Don’t be.’ Her foot bounced, humming soothing the racing in her head, the ground solid beneath her.
‘Damn we need Crosby back.’ Frank offered with a gentle smile, sliding down the wall next to her. ‘Baran would totally go in for a therapy animal.’
‘Think Lido is up for it?’ Mel offered, something easing her rattled cage. His knee knocked against hers. Staying pressed up against her leg.
She had so many issues with people touching her when she wasn’t expecting it. Frank was a very tactile person. At least with her. And unlike most people she never minded. Robby and Whitaker getting too close never failed to have her flinching or jolting. Dana’s hand on her arm would sting for hours. Trinity often shouting in her ear. Robby demanding constant eye contact. Frank was always safe. She never understood how he’d slipped through the tangles of her weird brain.
He hummed softly next to her. Fingers playing with the sobriety bracelet. He’d yet to replace his DAD friendship bracelet. Hm. Mel examined the other wrist where the colourful beads used to sit. Just a simple hair tie he snapped when getting overwhelmed himself. Mel understood the need for sharp sensory override. She had a tendency to knock her head against a wall when things got bad. Or dug her nails in as a subtle means of centring herself.
He needed something else. Something to bring the kids back to his work. Maybe a leather bracelet? Tanner, tanning. With a coin for Penny? His lucky Penny and hardy Tanner. Something bringing them together.
‘Depends... would his food and board be comped by the hospital?’ It took a moment but she laughed. ‘Gloria would never.’ They sat in the quiet staff room for a while. ‘You okay?’
Her hands twisted back and forth. More stimming. ‘I just... never really thought about me in relation to autism. Neurodivergent...’ She made a little noise. ‘That goes without saying but... I guess autism would be the most accurate description?’
She could feel Frank staring at her. Waiting. Head tilted, hair falling into his eyes. Not forcing anything just letting her work her way through it. ‘Honestly I feel kinda stupid for not realising it sooner?’
His elbow dug into her side. Playful and a little reproachful. Always her biggest support, second to Becca. Her personal cheerleader Santos snipped at them constantly. Maybe even a little enviously. Her first best friend who was hers alone. ‘You figure things out when you’re supposed to. Someone very clever once told me something about comparison to someone elses journey being fucking dumb. Can’t remember who...’
His face was pure mischief. They’d had that conversation only a few months ago. He’d had a bad day, too many cases that didn’t have good outcomes. Too many that hit too close to home. Robby had been crawling up his ass. Had made some crack about his family. Which resulted in Frank snapping about how happy Robby must be to find out he was getting divorced. Flinging his wedding bad right into Robby’s slackjawed face. It was the first night that Frank had crashed at Mel’s. Him, her and Cassie talking through the night about everything he’d not been talking about. The things that exposed the depths of what he’d hidden from himself. In the drugs, in his work.
He’d lamented how together Cassie seemed to be and why he just hadn’t gotten there yet. Mel had surprised everyone, including herself by snapping at him. How he wouldn’t be able to move on if he was staring at someone else’s path.
‘She sounds smart.’
‘Smarter than me.’
‘That’s not saying a lot.’
Once again he pressed a hand to his chest. ‘You wound me King.’ Her giggle was loud and obnoxious. Sounding better as he joined in. The peaceful quiet she craved so much settled around them again.
‘Can I ask you a follow up question?’ Running joke. Becca hated people asking if they could ask a question when asking a question. No matter the answer a question had already been asked so it felt rude. It tickled Frank in a way he really couldn’t describe to anyone.
‘Open book.’
Mel pulled a face. He sighed a little but gestured for her to ask. ‘Do you think I should go for a diagnosis?’
He hummed a little, jaw moving as he worked it over in his head. ‘Well, I think it’s a good idea, but only if you think so. Depends on if that label makes sense to you. If it will help or hinder you. Autistic or not, you’re still you. And the you that you are is pretty fucking awesome.’
Her cheeks burned at the complement. He was doing that more and more these days. Random comments and praise. Things that never failed to bring fire to her cheeks. Practically radioactive in the temperature. Mel pulled out her phone and started flicking through the Briarwood recommended list.
The whoosh settled her nerves. Something told her she’d made the right call.
This step was for her and her alone. Frank who was texting Abby as Mel let the calm settled her down. Confirming that he thought getting Penny assessed was a good idea.
They were similar in that way. When a choice was made, it was made.
The ADHD to her Autism.
