#laudylau

[occupiedsector]

The last thing you see before you die.

[jelenedrake]

When you get this, you are invited to publicly post something nice about at least 5 different people you follow, then copy and paste this in each of their ask boxes. Check my blog to see what I said about you! ❤

All of my mutuals are wonderful people.

A thousand heart eyes for theoriginalimpossiblesoufflegirl because she is my spiritual sister from another mister (I know, I am awful). Actual flawless human being and <3.

annakie is one of the first blogs I followed when I joined tumblr and she is 5ever a follow forever because Kaidan love runs deep. I blame her for Welcome to Night Vale. As for the thrilling adventure hour fandom, you can thank me for her. <3

eternalshiva's writing leaves me in awe… and makes me blush. She is such a total sweetheart about everything too, gosh… *chin hands*

I know laudylau from… god… almost ages now… from work at my old job at the Credit Union. Her art is purdy and is 100% source for all my Legend of Zelda needs. ;)

Speaking of arts, I am blown away by fereldanwench. It’s been so cool seeing it progress and she is one of my favorite Isabela cosplayers. :3

Ugh. I wanna say more about all these other people… I will cheat and say that I am so happy that kinlochhold is back on tumblr though. I missed her DA meta (and her extensive mod list). Seeing your stuff back on my dash makes my day.

[ochidump]

Impa ;)

yOU KNOW ME TOO WELL

Why I like them: Impa was my first bby and she is just such a strong, capable woman like hot

Why I don’t: She isn't in enough games ):

Favorite episode (scene if movie): When she make Link look like a foo' which is like all the time. 

Favorite season/movie/game: the only game I've played with her in it was SS ;q;

Favorite line: thAT PART IN SS WHEN SHE SHOOTS LINK DOWN LIKE WHAT A USELESS TOOL IMPA GOT THIS ((idk that is legit the best video i could find))

Favorite outfit: I'm really liking her OoT! I love that kind of strong, european lady kind of look-- like a burly nord.

OTP: idkk Impa-Zelda is kinda cute, but I'm not totally sold

Brotp: Impa-Zelda is totally brotp tho; 2 kickass women taking things into their own hands-- the brain and the brawn.

Head Canon: In SSverse, when Impa was a very young child, she was chosen by the Goddesses to protect Hylia-- literally a life long mission. That's also when she first met Hylia herself, and the 2 have been biffles ever since.  

Unpopular opinion: there is no unpopular opinion-- Impa is absolute.

A wish: That she was in more games!! C'mon 2015, we can do this!!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: That they kill her off or something omg i will cry my lifetime away

5 words to best describe them: Strong; Independent; Capable; Wise; Boss

My nickname for them: bby, babe, bby girl

[groovyhedgehog]

Update time!

So I thought it'd be a good idea to update you guys.

Being in Seattle has been good for me, although still tough. I feel like a burden on my friend but she keeps assuring me I'm not, so I have to trust her. I'm working hard on finding a job. I've had some luck with people interested in me so far, but one job was given to someone with more experience and the other wouldn't work out for me.

I've got another interview on Wednesday and I'm nervous but excited--it's a full time job, so that means benefits, and it's for a company that's smaller and looks interesting. I hope they are what they seem and aren't weird or anything. I've been warned about a few places in the area and how they treat their employees already, and how some of them are just a little wonky. Either way, I hope this place likes me and I like them and it works out. I really need a job so I can start pulling my weight around here.

Tomorrow is my first doctor's appointment in... 4 years? 5 years? Maybe 6? I'm unsure. I'm super nervous. I've been to so many doctors who just tell me that losing weight will solve all my problems. I agree, living healthier would only be beneficial to me, but I don't think it will make my anxiety or depression go away. I might have diabetes now, and maybe a thyroid problems. I'm just really unsure. There's a lot on my mind about my health that I'm a little scared about.

Also, tomorrow will be the first time I ask someone to call me Jude. And to ask them to call me by gender neutral pronouns instead of "she". Nervous about that, too. I might talk to the doctor about my gender, but I'm not really sure about it at the moment or what a doctor could do to help anyways. I need a psychologist for that bit, but that will have to wait until I get a job. I have a lot of things I want to talk about and I might not have time for that.

My anxiety levels have been down since I got here. I've had just 1 panic attack and it wasn't too bad. The last month before I left I was having 1, sometimes 2 or 3 a day. One attack I had was so bad that I went into shock afterward for almost 2 days. It was scary and humiliating and I don't want that to ever happen again, so I hope I can find a way to deal with my anxiety. A friend recommended some reading for me to do and an exercise. I might try it--breathing exercises tend to make it worse for me for some reason, so this other exercise might actually help.

A friend recommended some queer related stuff for me to check into. I'm excited about that, but I'm not quite at a place to go out and about yet. Jessi bought me a ticket to a book signing to see David Mitchell. I don't know if she realizes how much that means to me--I think she has an inkling, though. She knows what Cloud Atlas means to me. How much it turned my perception of the world and of myself inside out. It's going to be a really emotional experience for me and I'm not really sure what I'm going to say to him, but I hope I can think of something appreciative and not weird.

It seems as though some of my friends are slipping away. My sudden leaving for Seattle came as a shock to people--even myself, really. But I needed to do it, and I think I stepped on some toes on my way out. I'm not sorry that I left. That I did this. I needed to do this to get better. But I am sorry that I hurt people I cared about. I'm still not really sure what I did wrong. I know I did something wrong, but I wish I knew what. I wish I'd stop hurting people I cared about by trying to find myself. I hurt Jessi when I started questioning my gender and sexuality. Now I'm hurting other people by trying to get on my feet and be myself. It's bittersweet I guess. I hope I can do better in the future.

I am reconnecting with some old friends, though. A particular friend that means kind of a lot to me. We had a huge fight when she went off to college and went our separate ways, but I always thought about her. I wish we lived closer--communicated more. I miss hanging out with her, but I'm really happy that she's finding her own life and becoming an amazing person. I took my friendship with her for granted, and I think she did the same with me. She's one of the closest friends I ever had and I am so glad we're both reconnecting and healing the hurt we gave each other back then.

I am lonely. I have Jessi and she's incredible, but I'm still lonely. I miss my sisters most of all. I miss finding one of them awake in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and just watching stupid TV together. I missed snuggling them. I miss seeing them grow up and mature. I miss talking to them, even butting heads with them some. I was only just getting really close to my youngest sister, who is, despite all the shit she has to go through in my household, turning out to be kind of a cool person.

Also miss my hedgehog so much. I can't wait to see him again. I'm so attached to that dumb little prickle-butt and his grumpy face. I'm worried about him. My siblings told me he didn't eat for days after I left and he's still not eating very well. I miss him and I don't want him to forget me.

I'm excited to do some exploration in witchcraft. I love my tarot deck and Jessi's really interested and it'd be cool to learn together. We might go try to find some local New Age type stores and ask them for some advice. Also, once Jessi knows more about the stability of her job and I HAVE a job, we might try doing some archery together. Pretty sweet deal.

My friend Tash is coming in the late winter/early spring, too. I'm SO EXCITED to have her here, she is probably the best person in the entire world. I'm a shit friend and I never stay in touch with her, but I love her to death and just want her to get out of her own shit situation and have an awesome life too. It'll be great, us three living together in the city. We might migrate down to L.A. at some point. Or who knows? The world is ours. Anything can happen.

I'm almost done with DS9 and about to move on to Voyager. Super excited about that. Star Trek means a lot to me. It's hard to get into it here--I'd probably rant for like a novel's worth, but it means a lot to me. Watching it while I'm discovering myself has been kind of an interesting journey to take.

I want to write again. I haven't wanted to write since... since I got back from London. After I left London, it was just this huge shock. I felt like I had lost everything. I felt trapped. My depression consumed my imagination and made everything dark and stagnant. It made trying to think like trying to breathe underwater. I'd never experienced anything like that. Sure, writer's block happens. You push through it, write down shit ideas even though they're shitty, but it always forces you through in the end and the whole point is that even though the ideas are shitty, they're still ideas, you're still thinking, you're still able to move your fingers over the keys to the keyboard. This was something entirely different. This was like... my imagination was gone. I had no mind. I had no will to write, no desire. My hands just wouldn't move because I had so little energy. I was afraid that I had lost my passion for the one thing that had always been there, the one thing I always reached for no matter what. It's strange what depression can do. But I want to write again. Even though thinking is hard, it's not impossible, and motivation is elusive but not unreachable. I've fallen into bad habits and I need to retrain the way I think and live my days, but I actually want to write again, and I feel like there's hope for me.

Last but not least (TMI time)--I want to have sex. Like wow, do I want to have sex. I've never had sex and people are always like, oh hey it's not that great anyways, but do I care? No. I want to push past my insecurities and touch and be touched. I want to be close to someone. I want to make someone come, I want someone to make me come. I want to worship and be worshipped. To hold. It's been a year since I started having sexual desire for people of the feminine sort, and about a year and half since I started having sexual desire for people of the masculine or mixed sort. It's still all very new to me. I never wanted sex like this before then--ever. I think a lot of it had to do with the way I perceived myself and I was asexual for a while, but suddenly out of nowhere, at 26, I just really want sex. It sucks, because I've never had it before, and my lack of experience is sort of a downer for most people at this age. It doesn't help that I'm still insecure about who I am and unfortunately also not beautiful by the societal standards enforced by the media, but... I know a lot of it has to do with the lack of stability with my identity. What if I never figure myself out? People say confidence is the most attractive thing, but how can I be confident if I never know who I am? Will no one ever want to be with me? I just really want intimacy. I don't need to belong to anyone or have anyone belong to me, but I need to connect with someone, or several someones.

Anyways, I guess that's it. Whoo, the journey of life! Because I'm an odd one, I wanted to thank some specific people for being there for me and helping me out through all my crazy confusion.

octopussyandthelivingdaylights - For pretty much everything. You are always here for me, supporting me, and now you've helped me out of the black hole I was in. After everything we've been through, you're the one that never left my side. Thank you for being strong, even though you're going through existential shit, too and I can be selfish and kind of terrible. You've always been my moon, lighting up some of my darker nights.

so-i-did-this-thing - We haven't talked much, but every time we do you always are willing to share things about yourself and offer advice that has helped get me on the right track. I'm still really unsure about my footing, but your patience with my confusion and willingness to chat actually made all the difference.

aqueerwashere - I only recently met you, but I sort of look up to you a lot. Your strength gives me hope for myself, and you have pretty good advice to give someone like me. 

laudylau - You were the only person at home who supported my decisions without judging me, even though sometimes I know we don't see the world the same way. Thank you for that, for your friendship being a rock that I can always lean on, and for not pushing me away when I go into super depressed mode and stop speaking to everyone for months at a time. You're pretty much an all around awesome person and a really good friend. Thank you being the one person at home who understood why I needed out.

prettygirlglam - You gave me another chance. You inspire me to be myself, to open up more to the world, to not be ashamed of who I am or what I want. Thank you for supporting me and understanding and letting me ramble on and on whenever we chat so I can get things out of my system. You're still like a sister to me even after everything we've been through and the years we grew apart. 

You have all been instrumental in my self discovery and my attempts to actually make my life into something better. You're all selfless and incredible and just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Also, sorry for the sappiness.

[ochidump]

Zelda questiosn right back atch! 3, 6, 9, and 13 ;)

gotcha!!-- caught like a boomerang!

3. Part of the Triforce I'd have: I'm too weak for Power, and too cowardly for Courage, so I'd guess I fit into Wisdom! Though, I apparently associate more with Farore.

6. Favourite Villain: Pff Ganondorf! Easy! He's like, the biggest baby ever.

9. Any head canons?: What kind of question is that @m@;;!! They're all very muddled up together-- mostly with character personalities and connections. Also, I'm shit at explaining things.

A very vague headcanon of mine across all timelines is; the bearer of a piece of Triforce can be passed down through the "divine blood" that they are blessed with.For example: Link is the bearer of the Triforce of Courage, and his child will inherit the ability to bear the Triforce too-- it will be the Goddesses design to ensure that the bloodline stays completely pure. The Triforce will only be passed down at Link's death, where the piece will automatically be transferred, or alternatively, through a sacred ritual. The ritual can also be performed with others who are not part of the bloodline, but it just requires a lot of blood. 

Ya I've had that one for awhile

13. Best moment in a Zelda game: These questions are so broad! I'll just do all the games that I've personally finished-- a very small list in order of game release;

Minish Cap: That room with all the stained glass windows, and where you find out the light force was in Zelda all alooongg!!

Twilight Princess: The first encounter with King Bulbin was pretty hardcore, but I've got to give it to the final boss. I could rave on, and on about how epic it is.

Phantom Hourglass: More like the worst part of the game-- but y'know that one part where you have to press the Sacred Crest against the Sea Chart but then you gotta close and open the DS? God, that part kept me up because I had no idea what to do-- bloody good gimmick though. 

Yeah, it's been awhile since I've played that game, don't judge.

Skyward Sword: The whole game wasn't the greatest thing, but it was pretty damn good on an even level-- I really like Ancient Cistern btw.

[secrua]

Zelda/Sheik, Link, Impa, and a bunch of other peeps from OoT (or reincarnations of them, rather?) on a quest to find the Gerudo Prince and dethrone Ganondorf. It'd take place in the OoT version of Hyrule, and probably be a 100 years later sort of thing since a new Gerudo King is born every 100 years.

[garbageshark]

laudylau replied to your post:13 *runs away giggling stupidly and trips over whilst doing so*

MAN I LOVE THE FATAL FRAME GAMES

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[laudylau]

URL change!  

Laulauboo -> Laudylau