Allen and Lavi sat in the library, both trying to cram as much last-minute information into their brains as possible before their respective final exams.
Lavi groaned and rubbed his uncovered eye, his brain so tired it was starting to mush all the information together. He let out a quiet sigh, looking up from his mess of books and papers and rested his chin in the palm of his hand.
The person that his stare was directed at hadn't noticed yet that he was the centre of Lavi's affection right now, and that was perfectly fine if Lavi was concerned. After all, it wasn't often he got a nice, uninterrupted view of Allen like this. He drank in the sight before him, committing it to his already perfect memory. Allen's head was slightly bowed, staring down at the papers in front of him, brows furrowed in concentration. He was biting his lip, a habit Lavi noticed he had when he got stressed or nervous. Allen brought his hand up to rest his cheek on it, his fingers playing with the soft hair behind his ear.
Lavi sighed again, giving himself a mental pep talk.
Come on, you can do it, he thought to himself, it's just a few simple words, 'Do you wanna grab a coffee?'
He looked at Allen again.
Just say it! This is the perfect opportunity! Are you stupid? Say it!
A small voice spoke up then, but what if he rejects you?
He stopped and blinked at that.
What if that did happen? What if Allen didn't want to be be his friend anymore because of that?
No. Lavi couldn't stand that. He'd rather just be Allen's friend than nothing at all.
“Hey Lavi? I can't figure this question out; would you give me a hand?” Allen spoke without looking up.
Lavi shook his head, escaping his thoughts. He deflated slightly, his confidence leaving him; however, he plastered on a big grin as he answered Allen back.
“Sure Al! What's the question?”
As Allen read him the question he heaved a great mental sigh,
Idiot.
---------
The two men met out front of the Historical Studies building before beginning their trek to the bus stop. Lavi stretched his arm high above his head, a huge grin plastered across his face.
“Man, I am so glad that that's finally over! I thought I was gonna die in there, Al!”
Allen rolled his eyes at his over-dramatic friend.
“It wasn't that bad Lavi, you're exaggerating.”
Lavi snorted. “Yeah, that's easy to say for you Al, you're a music major.”
Allen looked slightly offended.
“It's a lot harder than you might think, Lavi,”
“Mhmm, sure,” Lavi said with a teasing twinkle in his eye. Allen looked away, grumbling under his breath. All of a sudden, he felt an arm slung around his shoulder and a voice very close and very loud in his ear.
“I'm just teasing you, Al! You know that, right?”
Allen nodded but didn't say anything, suddenly too aware of how close the other man was. This close, Allen could see the faint red stubble coming in on Lavi's jaw, the way his bright red hair curled slightly behind his ear, the light smattering of freckles across his cheeks as well as the bridge of his nose. He could even see a few more freckles peeking out from underneath the man's collar. But most of all, Allen could see his bright green eye, shining with mirth and excitement.
Do it. He said to himself. Just open up your mouth and ask him. It's not that hard.
Allen nodded to himself slightly, too wrapped up in his thoughts to hear what the redhead was talking about now.
Ask him if he wants to see a movie? His inner voice demanded
But what if he's too busy? A meek voice spoke up.
School's over, and he has the next couple days off of work because of his exams, he thought back trying to see a silver lining.
What if he says no?
That stopped Allen's optimism.
What if he did? Oh God, what if Lavi never wanted to see him again? He didn't think he could stand not having the exuberant redhead around.
Allen's shoulders dropped slightly, his good mood vanishing.
“Hey, what's wrong?”
Allen looked up, startled to see Lavi looking at him with a concerned smile on his face.Allen smiled back quickly.
“Ah, I was just thinking about how I have to stop at the grocery store on the way home today,”
Lavi winced. “That sucks, buddy. Me? I'm gonna to go home and sleep. Probably for the next three months.”
Allen chuckled, mentally berating himself.
Moron.
---------
They were over at Lena's house for a summer BBQ. The four of them where outside in her backyard, doing their respective duties. Lenalee was in the kitchen making drinks for everyone, Kanda was trying to set up the BBQ and becoming increasingly more frustrated with it, and Allen and Lavi where sent to fetch the outdoor chairs that were still in Lenalee's basement.
Lavi opened up the door that lead to the basement, flipping on the lights and giving the wooden staircase a wary look. He felt Allen step a little closer to him and tried to calm the fluttery feeling in his stomach.
“Let's go Al, the sooner we get this over and done with, the sooner we can go back out into that gorgeous sun!”
Allen looked to Lavi and gave him a nervous little nod. Lavi then proceeded to head down the stairs, Allen following close behind him. Once they reached the bottom of the stairs they began heading to the spot Lenalee said the chairs would be in.
“Aww man! They're not here!” Lavi gave a little pout, folding his arms in front of him and drooping his shoulders. Allen patted his back and gave him a little smile.
“Oh well, that sucks, we'll have to go back and tell Lena that we couldn't find them. We gave it our best shot, though!” Allen smiled encouragingly and turned around to head back up the stairs.
“Hey, wait Al, we can at least look around a bit before we head back.”
Lavi began heading over to a different part of the basement. Allen fidgeted in place for a moment before giving in and joining Lavi. After a few moments of looking in relative silence Lavi spoke up.
“Are you okay? You've been acting really nervous and fidgeting a lot.”
“I-I'm fine Lavi.”
Lavi raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? You know you can tell me what's up.”
Allen looked away, wringing his hands and steadily avoiding eye contact, before heaving a great sigh.
“Okay, okay, I'll tell you.” He stared down at his hands feeling his cheeks heat up in slight embarrassment, before finishing in a rush, “I'm-uh-sort...of...um...sortofafraidofghosts!”
Lavi blinked. Then blinked again.
“Did you... just say... you were afraid of ghosts?”
Allen nodded furiously, his cheeks even redder.
Lavi had to cover his mouth to stifle the chuckles that threatened to escape. Obviously, he didn't do a very good job of it because he was suddenly met with a very angry and slightly embarrassed pair of grey eyes.
“Lavi! Don't laugh at me!”
That only made him laugh harder.
“That's just so cute!” he exclaimed. When his brain finally caught up with what he said, he stopped laughing and looked at Allen.
Allen was staring at him with wide eyes, cheeks still flaming red and hands clenched tightly together.
Lavi turned his head away quickly and cleared his throat.
“Ah, look at that! I think I see them over there!”
Thank God, he thought to himself.
After manoeuvring through the boxes labelled “Lenalee's baby photos” and “Lenalee's baby clothes” they finally reached the chairs. After some careful footing and superb teamwork, the two men managed to get the four patio chairs out and in the open.
They both just stood there for a moment, taking deep breaths. After a few seconds, they both began speaking at the same time.
“Lavi I-”
“Al I-”
They stopped and stared at each other for a few seconds before Allen gestured for Lavi to go first.
“I just wanted to talk to you about something.”
Allen nodded. “Me too.”
“Why don't you go first, Al?”
“I'm kinda embarrassed to say it, to be honest,” he said, his cheeks beginning to gain a soft dusting of pink. Lavi scratched the back of his head and could feel his cheeks heating up too,
“Yeah, me too...” He said, an awkward air filling the basement.
Allen all of a sudden clapped.
“I have an idea!” Lavi gestured for his to continue, “Why don't we both say it at the same time?”
Lavi began thinking it over. After a few moments, he nodded. “Sure, why not?”
Allen grinned.
“Okay, ready?”
Lavi nodded, taking a deep breath before mentally preparing himself to take the plunge.
“One...”
“Two...”
“Three...”
“Do you wanna go on a date with me?”
They started and stared at each other. Lavi opened his mouth but no sound came out.
“Did we just ask each other out?” Allen questioned feebly, cheeks flaring red again. Lavi just nodded, still not believing what had just happened. They stared at each other for a few more seconds before Allen started laughing.
Lavi stared at him before he too started to laugh. Soon enough the two of them where sitting on Lenalee's basement floor trying to catch their breath after their laughing fit.
“I can't believe that just happened,” Allen said, shaking his head in amazement.
“Somehow, it's totally us though,”
Allen laughed
“Yeah, you're right.”
They sat there staring at each other with stupid grins on their faces.
“So, what do ya think? Get some dinner at that nice burger place downtown before catching a movie tomorrow night?”
Allen nodded eagerly. “That sounds really nice,”
Lavi's smile grew even bigger, if that was possible, before he stood up, offering a hand to Allen.
“Let's get these chairs upstairs, Lena and Yu-chan are probably wondering where we are.”
Allen made a noise of agreement, reaching for Lavi's outstretched hand and letting him help hoist him off the ground.
“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan,”
The two of them grabbed their chairs and made their way upstairs, huge smiles still plastered on their faces.
Of course, neither one really cared.
And of course, neither Lenalee nor Kanda said anything about it.
Lavi sat in the library of the Order, book open on the desk in front of him, his quill poised and ready above the parchment. However, no matter how much he stared at the papers, reading the lines over and over again, they wouldn't sink into his brain.
He sighed, dropping the quill and pushing the book out of his way before resting his head against his folded-up arms.
No, he couldn't think right now, not with the thoughts that were running through his head and the grief that was pulling on his heart.
A heart that wasn't even supposed to exist.
He groaned, rubbing his forehead into his forearms. Maybe a walk would help clear his mind, after all it didn't seem like he was going to get any work done with his mind all muddled up like this.
He stood and stretched, arms reaching high above his head before pushing his chair back in. He would leave his books and papers like so. The old man would probably get angry at him, but Lavi didn't have it in himself to care right now.
He started out from the library, letting his feet carry him wherever, nodding to the people he passed in the hallways. No one was of high energy today, no smiles, no pleasant greetings, no one was even talking in the hallways.
The sombre feeling seemed to fill up the wide hallway, sneaking into every breath he took until little by little it was getting harder for him to breath. He tried to take a deep breath but it felt like his lungs wouldn't expand enough, they couldn't take in enough air no matter how hard he tried.
He walked a bit faster as if to escape the stifling air, but it followed him, it followed everyone.
His fast pace came to a stop and his eye focused on the area before him. His breath came in little pants when he finally realized where he was, his eye refusing to focus on the scene before him.
He stood atop a balcony, a grand room laid out in front of him, empty save for a few people cleaning said room. It was at times like these he cursed his perfect memory. He could still see it all, the room full of people, who were crying, weeping, comforting each other, and he, atop the same balcony, was trying his god damn hardest to look upon the scene with impartial eyes.
But ultimately, he was failing.
Still in the clutches of his memory, he walked forward and placed his hands on top of the railing, his hands squeezing it until his knuckles turned white. In the throes of his memories, he could see Crow-chan hunched over and sobbing, fat tears rolling down his face, his large frame shuttering and shaking. He saw Marie trying to comfort Timothy who was on his knees crying as hard as Crow-chan, face tipped up towards the sky and hands in his lap. Miranda could be seen, sobbing with her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with the effort. Yu-chan was also there, his face emotionless and impassive, but even from here he could see the grief and anger in his eyes. Komui was standing in front of everyone, beret off and face turned down, tears still visible on his face.
Then there was Johnny and Lena.
Johnny was sitting up beside Lena, his hand on her shoulder as he tried to comfort her but it was all for not, as he could barely control his own sobs. Lena was sitting on her knees, head buried in her forearms which where resting upon the object of everyone's sadness, her whole frame shaking and her sobs audible even from this distance.
It was an ornate yet unassuming box that Lena was resting upon, the cloth that was draped over it didn't have a single spot on it, and the impressive Rose Cross symbol gleamed in the lights from the candles. It was a box that Lavi had seen countless times in countless places. He had always looked upon said boxes with an impassive look, feeling nothing for the contents within. Why was this time so different? Was it because the Order was beginning to feel like a home? Even after all his effort to keep everyone at arm’s length, to not form connections or relationships.
He guessed it was because the person inside that box always managed to defy the impossible.
No matter how hard he had tried, he had snuck his way into Lavi's non-existent heart. He had tried to pinpoint when exactly it had happened, but he couldn't. Maybe it was in between the missions, the teasing and joking, the casual touches, the smiles that where shared.
Oh God, his smile…
Lavi rubbed his uncovered eye into his shoulder, hands still gripped to the railing, trying to will the tears that had formed away. He let out a breath that sounded more like a sob, trying to will the memories away. If the old man saw him now....
“Lavi?” A feminine voice questioned behind him. He jumped at the sound, which was startlingly loud in the silence, whipping his head around to see who had found him.
Lena stood behind him, arms crossed in an image that almost looked like she was hugging herself, a smile was trying to form in her face but it looked too forced and too sad.
“Hey Lena,” he tried for an upbeat tone, but they both knew it wasn't real.
“It's hard to believe he's really gone, isn't it?” her voice sounded from beside him. He nodded, not sure what his voice would sound like. She placed a hand over his.
“Come on Lavi, let's go get something to eat,” she said, patting his hand. She turned to go and wait for him at the entrance once he nodded in answer. He took a deep breath, holding it for a couple seconds before letting it flow out slowly. Finally, he unclenched his hands from the railing, flexing them to get some feeling back into them.
He stared down into the empty room, the people that had once occupied it now nowhere to be seen. He took another deep breath, sticking his hands in his pockets before whispering to the large, empty room before him.
“I'm sorry Al. I'm sorry I was never...never...able to tell you…” his sentence cut off with a choke. He took a deep breath and turned to go before he finally lost his composure and broke down.
Lena smiled at him and gave his arm a comforting rub before hooking her arm through his.
